Great Letters That Work Hunt

oldagetraveller

To whom it may concern:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I
endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his depositing the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement, which, I admit, as been in place for only thirty-one years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account £ 40 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to the bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I
personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity, which your bank has recently become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no
longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status form, which I
Require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight
pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history, must be countersigned by a Notary Public; and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number, which, he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you
call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from.

Please press the buttons as follows:

1. To make an appointment to see me.

2. To query a missing payment.

3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the Authorized Contact.

8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 to 7.


9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my
Automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee of £ 40 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

Please credit my account after each occasion.

Your Humble Customer,

jolima71

hi all have read through the letters and think they are all very good, i cant write letters so was hoping for some help, here is a quick version of what its about

ok basically we wanted to remortgage, used a financial adviser, everything was going fine, he found us a mortgage company all sounded good with monthly payments we were going to pay 2 loans off too,
ok we get the offer from the mortgage company we looked and thought no way this isnt enough

rang financial adviser as he had asked so he could look b4 we signed, told him our concerns but he assured us it was enough,

signed, waiting for cheque it finally came the morning we went on holiday,
my mum rings and says its here we ask how much and it was £7000 where as both the loans were £11000, so we didnt have enough to pay the loans,

on holiday so spoilt our holiday as we were worrying,
got back rang the financial adviser he couldnt understand so said ring the solicitor,


she cant help sorry, ring our financial advisers company they say write a letter, so this is where i need help

ok also on the mortgage offer it states in the terms we have to pay off the tsb loans (which we just cant do)

our mortgage has gone up, and we are still paying the monthly payments on the loans, so we are now worse off, also its a interest only mortgage, so never gonna get it paid now

cant remortgage as it is too soon,
need to complain about the financial adviser as obviously he never did his job,

any help very much appreciatted on the complaint letter
thanks in advance
a broke and desperate
Jo

dubs_2

niamhtra66 hi,

i eventually got some of my money back but found the complaining via phone process so painful i was simply wasting too much extra money on these calls... i essentially paid BT £100 in total for nothing but series of these frustrating phonecalls... the service never worked, despite cancelling i was still charged and i had to compromise and get only two months (£32) back.... for a communiactions company they are simply the worst to communicate with...all of emails were ignored, both recorded delivery sent letters to the head of complaints were ignored and i never said the issue was resolved but they've done no follow up... has basically meant ill never use any of BT services ever again and i'd love to tell them as much if i think they'd care...

oh well

thanks for your reply, at least someone from the company cares

greg

gyzmo

in response to Deagostine who wrote:

" Dear Mr *******

We have a neat little computer program that shows you have not sent us any money recently for your subscription to [whatever magaizine it was]. We trust that you will make payment before we have to take further action"

My response:

"Dear f**kwits

I have a neat little piece of paper called a "Bank Statement" that shows I have indeed made a deposit but no further payments to you, because you have not sent me any copies of the publication I have subscribed to, and unless you send me these copies and stop sending me sarcastic letters, I will be sending you another neat little piece of paper to you entitled "Court Summons".

I trust I make myself clear.

Yours etc"

I received the issues within 5 working days.

That was a one off letter for me. he best way to write a letter is to be polite, flattering and to show concern that something has gone wrong. But I always add at the end
"I trust that you will resolve this matter and avoid the need for my solicitors to take legal action and ensure my continued custom with yourselves."
or something similar.
Writing simple threats rarely gets you anywhere.

metropolis

I dont have a copy of the letter to hand but when my bank paid my car loan twice in the same month, and didn't notice until I told them, I wrote a letter advising them of their error and said that my fee for notifying them was £50. They didn't reply but my account was immediately credited with £50 ...RESULT!!

Lady_K

metropolis wrote: »

I dont have a copy of the letter to hand but when my bank paid my car loan twice in the same month, and didn't notice until I told them, I wrote a letter advising them of their error and said that my fee for notifying them was £50. They didn't reply but my account was immediately credited with £50 ...RESULT!!

Wow Good one

m00head

http://www.bbctvlicence.com

Here is my attempt, which got a response:

TV Licensing
Bristol
BS98 1TL


Re: OFFICAL WARNING – THIS PROPERTY IS UNLICENSED

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing in response to your letters dated October 2006 (Ref: xxxxxxxxxxxxx) and December 2006 (Ref: xxxxxxxxxxxxx).

I find the tone of these letters offensive because they appear to imply that I am a suspected criminal due to the fact that this address does not have a TV Licence, so authorisation has been given to interview me under caution. I can assure you that this is not the case because there is absolutely no equipment on the premises capable of receiving and decoding a TV signal. The letters do not cater for this situation, so I would be grateful if you could update your records accordingly with this fact.

The letters at no point give any information about how to register the address as not requiring a TV licence for the reason mentioned above. The only options they give are the numerous ways in which to obtain a TV Licence, “in order to avoid an appearance in court before a magistrate”. This could be confusing for people new to the TV licensing process for example, who may be lead to believe this is the only option they have after reading the letters in full, even if they don’t actually need one.

I feel this is a mistake on the part of the original author of the letters who should have included information on how to register a property as not having a TV or equivalent, along with a disclaimer saying that it is an offence to make a false declaration – similar to that used by the DVLA when registering a car as being off the road. I also feel that the letters should be toned down in their aggressive nature.

Furthermore, the associated website at www.tvlicencing.co.uk does not include this information anywhere on it either which, in my opinion, also needs to be rectified.

I would also like to bring to your attention the apparent discrepancies in the letters indicating that you “catch 76,421 people every year” (Oct 2006), which appears to contradict the statement that “last month alone we caught 77,318 people” (Dec 2006).

I urge you to escalate this letter up to the appropriate person who can take my request into consideration and revise your letters and website with this data accordingly.


Yours Sincerely,

‘The Present Occupier’