Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my friend for money after he sold the car we gave him? 11 October 2022 at 2:06PM edited 11 October 2022 at 2:08PM in Marriage, relationships & families 51 replies 36.9K views

bookfairy

This actually happened to me - in reverse - my elderly best friend could no longer drive, so she gifted me her car - I still drove, but had given mine up due to no longer needing it much, the expenses of up keeping it and the fact that I (like her) didn’t have a garage and being left on a side road for a lengthy time unused was inviting vandals!  I was very pleased with the gift but soon found that I had the very same issues, re finances and non-use, as before - however I did double check with her first and asked her if I could sell it.  She said said yes.  I even took the ‘For sale ‘ pic outside her flat.  She knew I had little money and was struggling.
I think the only thing your friend did wrong was perhaps not to check with you first ?  Otherwise I agree with others - a gift is exactly that, a gift, and if they wished to paint it purple and use it as a stock car or take it apart and make sculpture that is their prerogative once you had gifted it to them.

JaneHenery

Firstly let's get the 'a gift isn't a gift if you have conditions on it' part out the way. You gave him it, it's his to do with as he pleases, but I can understand why you might feel deceived, because he wasn't honest with you. That said, he may have been desperate for money. The 'needing repairs he couldn't afford' part was maybe true, but he didn't want to confess that he actually sold it because he needed the money. You could always confront him outright but just bear in mind it might ruin your friendship if you put him on the spot about his financial situation. That could be humiliating for him. If you feel taken advantage of then perhaps you should trust your gut feeling, if that's what it is, and not be friends with him. 

primrose_penguin

Yes you kindly gave your friend the car to use to try and find a job, so it became his property. However what would upset me is the fact he lied. I would not want any money from him because he would have got some money from it whether he scrapped or sold it anyway, but I would tell him you know he sold the car and ask why did he find it necessary to lie to you about it. If you say nothing it could cause a rift between you, better to clear the air.

julie777

If a "gift" has conditions it should be put in writing and signed by both agreeing parties.
But then is it really a gift?
I do admire your kindness in the first place. Be happy that you helped him - even if it didn't work out in the way you hoped.
"There is more happiness in giving than in receiving."

Heather_Bean

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

A friend was made redundant and couldn't find work locally, and wasn't able to look further afield as he didn't have a car. My wife had begun working from home, so we offered him her car for free - it was old, but had no problems. A few weeks later, he told us he'd scrapped the car because it needed work done that he couldn't afford. Yet I've now found out he sold it and I feel he's taken advantage of our generosity. He's still not found work, but should we ask him for the money he made selling the car? 

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Surely he couldn't legally sell this without a log book?  

If you gave the log book then it's a gift.....

If not how did he manage to sell it???

squirrel59

Dealt with this 'dilemma' before. No, you can't ask for any money. It was a GIFT.

JayD

Short answer - as with the last dilemma - NO!

A gift is a gift for the recipient to do as they wish with it.

I would be more upset that you were not told the truth about what they'd done with the car - but then at least it shows they were a tad embarrassed about what they did, so an inkling of conscience.

So, again, 'no', you should not ask for any money but if it has upset you that much, then maybe a frank conversation could be had about how it has made you feel.

Pollycat

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

A friend was made redundant and couldn't find work locally, and wasn't able to look further afield as he didn't have a car. My wife had begun working from home, so we offered him her car for free - it was old, but had no problems. A few weeks later, he told us he'd scrapped the car because it needed work done that he couldn't afford. Yet I've now found out he sold it and I feel he's taken advantage of our generosity. He's still not found work, but should we ask him for the money he made selling the car? 

One wonders how the author of this 'MMD' found out that the car had been sold.
Do they really know the full situation or has someone whispered in their ear about the car being sold rather than scrapped and they've taken it as fact?

NBLondon

Pollycat said:

One wonders how the author of this 'MMD' found out that the car had been sold.

Saw it advertised for sale (local paper, online) and recognised the reg number?

Agent57

Same as previous ones.  A gift is a gift because it's a gift.

The car may have developed a fault that would cost more than it was worth to repair.  Maybe he needed the money as he still doesn't have a job.  Maybe he will put that money towards another car or bus fare so he can get a job?