Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my friend for money after he sold the car we gave him? 11 October 2022 at 1:06PM edited 11 October 2022 at 1:08PM in Marriage, relationships & families 51 replies 36.9K views

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

A friend was made redundant and couldn't find work locally, and wasn't able to look further afield as he didn't have a car. My wife had begun working from home, so we offered him her car for free - it was old, but had no problems. A few weeks later, he told us he'd scrapped the car because it needed work done that he couldn't afford. Yet I've now found out he sold it and I feel he's taken advantage of our generosity. He's still not found work, but should we ask him for the money he made selling the car? 

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

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Sea_Shell

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

A friend was made redundant and couldn't find work locally, and wasn't able to look further afield as he didn't have a car. My wife had begun working from home, so we offered him her car for free - it was old, but had no problems. A few weeks later, he told us he'd scrapped the car because it needed work done that he couldn't afford. Yet I've now found out he sold it and I feel he's taken advantage of our generosity. He's still not found work, but should we ask him for the money he made selling the car? 

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

Wholly depends on what's meant by "offered".     Gifted?  No strings attached, or Loaned?

Sounds very much like "gifted" assuming ownership/keeper was transferred too.  

So, if a gift, it was theirs to do with what they liked, sadly not want YOU wanted them to do with it.


No good deed goes unpunished!! 

NBLondon

Isn't this a variation on the previous one about gifting clothes to a neighbour?

Like Sea_Shell said - was it an outright gift (for him to keep) or a free loan (while he was jobhunting or possibly working away)?

If this person was a friend, then maybe the OP didn't want to put it in writing, but it should have been clear.  Mind you, if the recipient was a friend - why wouldn't they have come back and said "The car's died, I can't afford to repair it" (if that was true)?  Or indeed, "I'm getting nowhere with jobhunting - do you want the car back or can I sell it because £500 would be more useful?"

Either the people behind these dilemmas all have dodgy friends or my definition of friend is different to the rest of the world...

Pollycat

NBLondon said:

Isn't this a variation on the previous one about gifting clothes to a neighbour?

Yes, it is.
And the same applies to this 'MMD'.

elizabethhull

Do people not understand the concept of a gift ? Whatever it is, it is no longer yours - the new owner can do what they like with it. If you are gifting with strings attached (which a real friend would not do), then you have to say so at the time.
We've had lots of so-called dilemmas like these,and the answer is always the same.

mp3wizzard

If it was an out and out "Gift" then no .....you gifted the car, but if it was you can use my car until you get on your feet, I think you can and should ask for a proportion of the sale value back. A similar thing happen to me, my brother asked if he could "borrow " my settee I no longer needed. I really liked it and wanted it back, but he sold it and sadly I never saw it again. To say I was upset is a massive understatement. 

sba99jpd

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

A friend was made redundant and couldn't find work locally, and wasn't able to look further afield as he didn't have a car. My wife had begun working from home, so we offered him her car for free - it was old, but had no problems. A few weeks later, he told us he'd scrapped the car because it needed work done that he couldn't afford. Yet I've now found out he sold it and I feel he's taken advantage of our generosity. He's still not found work, but should we ask him for the money he made selling the car? 

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

No. Two reasons: 1) it was a gift 2) he obviously sold it because he was skint.

The intention of the gifter was to help their friend, maybe they’ve just helped them in a different way to that they intended, perhaps selling the car kept the heating on or food on the table.

Katecooks

If it was a gift you can't demand the money back. If he sold it a few weeks later - when he should have said he couldn't afford to repair and given back to you to sell as scrap, I'd say he wasn't much of a 'friend' and took advantage of your kindness. Ditch him and forget about the car.
(And if anyone reading this has an old unusable car on their driveway they've left to rot, consider selling for scrap; the prices have gone up hugely in the last few years and you should get a few hundred pounds (and save your neighbours constantly looking at an ugly eyesore).

ChilliBob

Surely the point is that he lied by saying he had scrapped it. Why not just tell the truth if it was a mate? Yeah, fine to do whatever with something gifted, but lying sbout it isn't cool! 

hannerrbabes

I'm assuming if the friend was able to sell/scrap it, then you gave it him and filled in the V5 to make the gift permanent and legal. Therefore, it's his to do with what he pleases.
With the comment about it needing work but you claim it had no problems... That's how cars work unfortunately! It can be absolutely fine, then one day it has a problem out of the blue. 

Marcon

If you gave him the car as a gift, and it sounds as if you did, you can't dictate what he does with it. Nursing a sense of grievance might be understandable, but it's too late to set conditions once the generous-spirited act has been concluded and the car belonged to your friend.

This question does seem to crop up in different guises time after time. If you aren't happy for someone to decide what to do with their own property (which is the case where an item has been given to them with no stipulations about what/how they use it), don't give the gift in the first place.