Which one? 5 October 2022 at 4:56AM edited 5 October 2022 at 12:36PM in Debt-free wannabe 15 replies 522 views

kezzer47watling

I have talked to Payplan and Stepchange and am now more confused and stressed than ever.  Stepchange tell me to do a DMP and Payplan tell me to do an IVA. I cannot and will not release equity on the house this is not an option.  I find an IVA scary as it's such a formal thing.  I really don't know which way to go.

kezzer47watling

Please help.  Our mortgage is due to be renewed in February have contacted our mortgage lender and accepted an offer.  I'm considering taking out a DMP to get myself under control.  My partner is unaware and wish it to stay this way, the DMP won't affect my mortgage will it ?  As it's also in my partners name.  If I take out this DMP is my house safe?

Rob5342

I've been in a similar position and you really do have to tell your partner to have any hope of getting anywhere. It was very hard telling mine, and things were difficult between us for a long time, but now we are working together to clear them instead of me putting all my efforts into trying to stop her finding out.

kezzer47watling

Telling him is not an option it just isn't he works so hard to provide I need to do this on my own 

Rob5342

kezzer47watling said:

Telling him is not an option it just isn't he works so hard to provide I need to do this on my own 

That's exactly how I thought at one point, having done it I can now see that it is the only option, and that the reason I never got anywhere was because I was doing it on my own. The chances are he will actually find out at some point, he'll wonder where all that money is going, or why you can't get a loan for the car or new kitchen you want, or what all the letters are you keep running off with are, or why you want to stay with your current mortgage lenfer instead of a different one that has a better deal. It's best to deal with it now so you can move one with things.

MEM62

kezzer47watling said:

Telling him is not an option it just isn't he works so hard to provide I need to do this on my own 

With the level of debt that you are carrying he is likely to find out.  You have a big spending commitment in servicing this debt and that cannot go unnoticed.  (As you are financially linked his credit standing will be impacted)  Telling him might not be a conversation you want to have but it beats the level of disappointment he will feel when he discovered you have deceived him.  Trust is a foundation that relationships are built on.  

Grumpelstiltskin

Kezzer I suggest you read through this thread.

Trying to Hide a Secret £20,000 Debt is as Tricky As it Sounds! (:#) — MoneySavingExpert Forum

EssexHebridean

kezzer47watling said:

Telling him is not an option it just isn't he works so hard to provide I need to do this on my own 

I'm speaking now from the perspective of "your partner" - I've been that person. I began going out with someone who was kind, thoughtful, considerate - al the things we tend to dream of. He was generous - often refusing to accept me paying for anything on dates until I got quite insistent. After a little under a year we moved in together - on a casual basis at first with me spending quite a bit of time at his place, and then we rented a place together. Shortly before we moved into our first home, he proposed, and I was delighted to say yes. Quite a few months on, we were sitting one evening chatting with friends - coincidentally the person he used to share with at the place I first knew him living at, and her partner, and I received a telephone call on my mobile asking for him...a little mystified, I pointed out that the person concerned (who described themselves as "a friend" had zero business calling him on MY mobile, but nonetheless handed the phone over to him. As I did, I saw a shadow of fear cross his face. He left the room to have the conversation but I still heard snippets of it, and when he returned it was evident that something was very wrong. On the way home I asked him about it - he prevaricated, but eventually I basically stopped dead and said that either he told me what was going on or a far as I was concerned out relationship was under question - he trusted me, or he didn't. He reluctantly confessed that he owed a sum of money to the person who had called me, around £6k (bear in mind this was well over 20 years ago) and the call was the person he owed telling him that they were taking him to court for the judgement. I was devastated - firstly that he'd been bearing that weight alone, secondly that he'd not trusted me enough to be open about it in the first place, and thirdly that all those dates where he'd insisted on paying, the boxes of chocolates, flowers....even my engagement ring - it felt as though they were all bought using money he didn't have. My first reaction was to saw that was it - over, and tell him to leave (on the basis that at the time I was the one with the income to be able to even attempt to continue paying the rent!). I held back from a knee jerk reaction though, and we talked it through over the following days and worked out a plan of action to deal with things. Even though we did stay together it was quite literally years before I was able to trust him fully - and not only around money, but generally - always slightly wondering in the back of my mind whether he was telling me the truth about important stuff, whether he was telling me the basic points but leaving out details, or neither of the above! I felt cheated, and felt a lot of time wondering what it was about me that he felt unable to be open about the situation in spite of apparently wanting to marry me. You'll be pleased to hear I hope that we did indeed get married, in fact we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary earlier this year - but to this day I can still remember how hurt and scared I felt, and he still feels guilty about causing me that hurt. 

Trust me - your partner will be an awful lot more angry, hurt and upset when he finds out about your debt - and he WILL find out about it - by accident, whether that is through a slip of the tongue by you, something said by someone else, or simply by him accidentally opening a letter or answering a phone call that was meant for you - than he will be if you tell him about it. Sure, he's going to be cross - I mean you'd be cross in his shoes, wouldn't you, but if the relationship is worth having he will also want to help, and want to support you. There's no reason why you can't continue to pay the debt off using your own income (dependent of course on your income/expenditure) and indeed I'd suggest that when you DO tell him you do so with a plan already in place for how you intend to deal with it. By not being upfront you are definitively risking your relationship - if it's a good one, please don't throw it away. If all else fails - ask yourself how you would feel if the positions were reversed. 

MEM62

@EssexHebridean Brilliant post!  

peteuk

Having just applied for a mortgage we were asked about previous debt, I have two defaults on my credit score and a history of high risk lending.  The question of our DMP was asked but as it was significantly years ago it was dismissed.

So potentially yes it can effect your mortgage, not so much this application but the next.  Once on a DMP your debts will default, that will show on your credit history for 6 yrs from the default.

Even if your doing this solo, you need your husband on side.

RAS

It would really help if you kept to one thread rather than starting new ones which lack any useful information. 

But the basics are:

A DMP is an informal solution that you can adjust or end without penalty. There are no fees. You may get lucky in a few years and be able to negotiate reduced final settlements.

An IVA would require that you release equity in the house, has large fees, typically £9Kish, and 30% fail. You could end up owing the full amount plus the fees. They are great for the Insolvency Practitioners and introducers who make a lot of money, long before your creditors get anything.