Which one?

EssexHebridean

kezzer47watling said:

I have talked to Payplan and Stepchange and am now more confused and stressed than ever.  Stepchange tell me to do a DMP and Payplan tell me to do an IVA. I cannot and will not release equity on the house this is not an option.  I find an IVA scary as it's such a formal thing.  I really don't know which way to go.

Post copied from the OP's new thread to attempt to keep things in one place. 

OP - people are trying to help here, but if you keep opening new threads each time someone mentions something that makes you uncomfortable, you're not going to get the benefit of the time people are spending giving you good solid advice.  The process of clearing debt IS uncomfortable - there is no getting away from that - and you'll get to the end result far quicker if you embrace that and start learning to live with the discomfort. It's not easy - but worthwhile things rarely are - and the end result definitely will be worth it. 

Post up your SOA (Statement of affairs) and we can take a look and see what your situation really is - at the moment all we have is the amount of debt you have, the options you are consider and that are confusing you, and that you are in the middle of a mortgage application - that's not enough to inform a "which solution is best for you" conversation. The link to the SOA calculator is at the bottom of this post in my signature - complete it as honestly and openly as possible - it needs to reflect the way things are now so you'll currently need to use just your income, and what you currently contribute to the household as well as your own personal expenditure - once you have either told your partner or he has found out you can redo it with the amended information but for now, make it accurate to the situation at this point. Select the "format for MSE" option at the end, then copy and paste INTO THIS THREAD please! 

EssexHebridean

A further thought for the OP - you might want to consider asking the mods for a change of username as your current one appears to identify you rather clearly. It could be you're using an alias, in which case fine, but if not.... 

kezzer47watling

I came on here looking for support not to be made to feel stupid

Grumpelstiltskin

kezzer47watling said:

I came on here looking for support not to be made to feel stupid

We are not trying to make you feel stupid but you are not prepared to accept what we say.

You have been told you cannot get away with not telling your partner and you have been asked to put up a SOA so do you want advice or do you want us to say yes Kezzer carry on?

elsien

kezzer47watling said:

I came on here looking for support not to be made to feel stupid

People here are supportive but part of that support can be saying things that people aren't ready to hear.
Try to remember that many people posting on this board have been where you are - they are not being judgemental or trying to make you feel stupid. You are scared and upset and confused and that may well colour how you are hearing what is being said.
As a previous poster said, if you are willing to put an SOA up on here then people can help you think through the options that you have. Without it, we're struggling to help.