Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friend pay his ex back for the phone she got him as a gift?

HamEE

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

A good friend of mine just broke up with his girlfriend. A few months back, she insisted on buying him a new smartphone for his birthday that cost almost £600. Now they've broken up, she's demanding he give her the money for it. He offered to give her the phone, but she says she wants cash. He says he's struggling to save up the money but is going to pay it back as he feels it's the right thing to do, but I think she's being unreasonable. Who's right?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.

Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

When we were together, I created a new phone contract for my ex in my name as is credit rating was poor.  When we split I agreed to honor the contract as long as he was responsible (he had authorization to make account changes),  When the contract expired he tried to upgrade and take out a new phone and contract in my name.  Fortunately, (Three) contact me to authorize the instruction which I denied.  They eventually set him up with his own contract after proving that he'd been paying the contract throughout the contract's life.

Bonnypitlad

Doesn’t She watch Judge Judy?.....
Of course a gift is a gift
His offer to return the phone is more than a conciliatory gesture 
If the situation was reversed ie He had bought Her an expensive smartphone my response would be the same
I think he’s lucky to be rid of this unreasonable lady

honestcove

Unless there is a deed of gift, then legal ownership will fall to the the person who paid for the phone, not the person who enjoyed the use of it.
The girlfriend possibly has the right to ask for the phone back, but not the cash. Cash would suggest an interest free cash loan for the duration of the relationship - that’s a harder one to prove.

bikaga

She should accept the phone, then she can sell it for what it's worth now.

Pollycat

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
nor hell a fury like a woman scorned...

(William Congreve)

Chris_Jay

Two answers here.

A gift legally belongs to the recipient, regardless of the relationship status further on.
An engagement ring legally belongs to the recipient, regardless who calls off the relationship.

My daughter went through something similar with a phone, and the ex was awful to her over it. In the end, I bought her another one, she transferred her stuff to it, wiped the other phone and gave it back to him. He was, and is, still awful to and about her, but that's another story.

JayD

It's a gift - he has no legal obligation to pay for it - ask Judge Judy!

Morally, it would be fair to repay her, I think.

And - although he is your friend, and he may ask you for advice, it is not really your business!

richardvc

She was offered the phone and declined it which was over and above in my opinion so has missed her best opportunity.
After that he owes her nothing 

IainHL

primrose_penguin said:

I agree with what most people have said, he does not owe her for the phone, it was a gift and is now second hand so not worth the £600 she is asking for it. It sounds as if there is a lot of bitterness there, for whatever reason. I think your friend should wipe the phone, pack it up securely, pop a note in explaining, and send it back special delivery, making sure it is covered by insurance because of the price of it, (I think that is provided by the post office for a charge) and absolute proof of postage, with a signature of receipt, (I would think that will be automatic sending it this way), so she cannot say she hasn't received it, don't just put it through her door. His ex can then sell it if she wishes and he won't feel uncomfortable keeping something he probably doesn't want, which is causing unpleasantness at the moment.

Overall I think this is the best approach. Royal Mail Special Delivery includes compensation cover up to £500, is tracked throughout the journey, and has to be signed for on receipt.

crmism

It seems that your friend's girlfriend doesn't understand the meaning of the word "gift", which is clearly what it was in the absence of other information. He should ignore her demands, or point out that the phone wasn't a loan to be repaid.