Bought ex out, now wants furniture

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  • Mimi_Arc_en_ciel
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    Here's my tuppence worth... 

    You have said he has been abusive in the past and that you aren't dealing with someone rational. 

    Give him whatever belongings he is asking for, shut the door, block him and be rid. It really is not worth the fight with him when you could easily replace the belongings in the future. 
  • Brie
    Brie Posts: 10,365 Forumite
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    I'd start with the basics of what might be considered included with a house sale.  If you tipped the place upside down and shook out the contents what's left is part of the house.  So built in oven, built in fridge, fixtures, fittings.  Those are yours.

    Then I'd go around and consider what is properly yours - bought and paid for.  So the chair you had before the relationship is yours.  The bed you bought together maybe not.  

    Then consider what the nasty ex is wanting to take away.  Is there anything that you can't live without?  Maybe there's things you don't want to keep as well.  I'd put those out in the garage waiting to be picked up.  If the ex doesn't show they can either be moved back inside or be offered to a charity shop.  

    All balanced with the abusive nature of the relationship.  If things are that bad then let go more than you might like for the sake of peace.  But do it from behind a locked door.
    "Never retract, never explain, never apologise; get things done and let them howl.”
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,205 Forumite
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    OK, If I've understood correcgly, you didn't have any formal agreement or order. That beng the cae, yes, any contnets whic hwere owned by both of you are still owned by both of you and he;s entitled to his share.

    To stop him changing the goalposts, I'd suggest htat you ask him for list of the specifc items he wants, or if he has already said what he wants, agree to those and do a receipt listing what he is havong (including his personal items) - send it to him to state something like 

    I've listed the items you have requested  frm the house, including the items you have asked for as your shre of the jointly owned furnishings. I agree to you having the items you've requested on the basis that the remaining jointly owned furiniture and home constns will become my sole property from [date he is due to pick his stuff up]

    These items  will all be made available for you to collect on [date] - as this will be final, and you will have not further claim to anything remaining in the house, please ensure that if there is anything else in the house you believe is yours, or anything else you want from the huse or believe was bought jointmy, let me have details by [date about 7 daus before the collection date] so it can be made available for collection if agreed.

    Please note that I cannot store anything on your behalf after [date] so from that date onwads, eveything remaining will be my abolute property to dispose of as I see fit. 

    You don;t have to let him into the house (it's not his anymore) but setting it out in writing (keep a copy and proof of postgage) makes it harder for him to try to come back later as you are able to point out that you offered him the opportunity to collect / request further items. and if you let him have the bits of furniture he wants ot's much harder for hom to argue that you were unreaspnable or failed to let him have things that were his.

    Obviousyl if there is anything you are particuarlly attached to, or have proof ypu paid for, then it's responsbale to refuse that, but otherwise, letting him have it maay be the simplest way forward, and if you make clear that this is in full settlement of nay claim he has to anything bought while you were together, then ifhe does demand anything later on you can just refer back tand say no, it was agreed that he took eveything of his ./ his share of the joint stuff. 


    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • jennystarpepper
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    *pinkie* said:
    Contents were verbally discussed but I know he’s using as a way to clutch on and previously told me he didn’t want any furniture. He has no receipts for the items in question.
    Has caused £300-£400 in damage to the house while we were splitting which I haven’t pursued but might try to use a negotiation.
    Whether he turns up with a van or not will show me what his mind set is… based on past history he says things to try hurt me and then changes his mind

    Just let him have what he wants, it is not giving into him it is being the smarter person and getting shut of him. I've talked to many people over the years who have been the victim of some sort of domestic abuse... they use tac tics like this over pets, furniture, houses or children to fuel their narcissistic abuse.  Let him have what he wants, A dear friend of mine was threated in front of me to be 'chopped-up' amongst other things... she let him have what he wanted, it rained the day she left his stuff outside!

    Make sue all contact is video recorded, if he collects his !!!!!! make sure you then do not 'feed the dragon' block his number and all social media, if you don't then you ask for what you get.  You have no need to talk to him if he is this bad.

    I hope things work out for you. 
    MFW -  01 10 21. £63761 01.10.22 £50962 01.10.23 £39979

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