Funeral Wishes in Wills 22 September 2022 at 9:06AM in Deaths, funerals & probate 12 replies 790 views

Helonwheels

Both of us have had it written into our wills that we wanted "Green burials" location information to be provided by us, our 26 year old son has since stated that if we were cremated he could keep our ashes with him wherever he lives.

We are a bit nomadic and have lived in a few counties, so there is always the chance that one of us could end up buried at the opposite end of the country to the other and our son could live somewhere else entirely.

We have both agreed to his request and will include the relevant information into the envelope we keep the wills in but I was wondering if we need to write a codicil even though funeral wishes in wills are not legally binding we are going against what is in the wills?

Thanks

Robin9

None of us know the circumstances of our death.

Such a clause in a will cannot be enforced -  stick with the letter in the envelope.

Have you thought about what songs/readings/prayers you might want. ?

Helonwheels

Robin9 said:

None of us know the circumstances of our death.

Such a clause in a will cannot be enforced -  stick with the letter in the envelope.

Have you thought about what songs/readings/prayers you might want. ?

There is only the three of us, no family or friends to invite and we are not religious, so we will have direct cremations with no service.

Keep_pedalling

Presumably your son is your executor so why does anything need to be written down? 

Marcon

Helonwheels said:

Both of us have had it written into our wills that we wanted "Green burials" location information to be provided by us, our 26 year old son has since stated that if we were cremated he could keep our ashes with him wherever he lives.

We are a bit nomadic and have lived in a few counties, so there is always the chance that one of us could end up buried at the opposite end of the country to the other and our son could live somewhere else entirely.

We have both agreed to his request and will include the relevant information into the envelope we keep the wills in but I was wondering if we need to write a codicil even though funeral wishes in wills are not legally binding we are going against what is in the wills?

Thanks

Unless you both die at the same time, there will be a 'survivor' who is presumably going to be one of the executors along with your son as the other executor, so both executors will know whatever has been agreed at the time of death (which might change between now and an event which will, hopefully, be some considerable time away).

The survivor would be well advised to write a new will (never an enjoyable job, especially in the wake of a bereavement) and again, that would be the time to update any funeral wishes.

If you do both die together and your son is the sole (living) executor, he will be able to take the decisions regardless, hopefully based on a current understanding of family preferences at the time.

uknick

Robin9 said:

None of us know the circumstances of our death.

Such a clause in a will cannot be enforced -  stick with the letter in the envelope.

Have you thought about what songs/readings/prayers you might want. ?

Interesting.

My mother recently passed away and her will specifically said she did not want a service.  She wished to donate her body to medical research.  If this was not possible, a simple cremation without any service.  As it happened, the donation wasn't possible due to the delay in getting a death certificate.  A simple cremation with no one present was then organised.

When some members of the family said they wanted to attend the cremation service, the executor called the probate service and was told you have to follow what is in the will.

p00hsticks

uknick said:

Robin9 said:

None of us know the circumstances of our death.

Such a clause in a will cannot be enforced -  stick with the letter in the envelope.

Have you thought about what songs/readings/prayers you might want. ?

When some members of the family said they wanted to attend the cremation service, the executor called the probate service and was told you have to follow what is in the will.

There surely must be cases where a will either can't be located or can't be retrieved until after the funeral has taken place, and so the deceased wishes as specified in the will can't be determined in time.

Robin9

Is there a difference between "I wish" and "I leave" ?

tooldle

Has your son thought this through? By that i mean it is quite a responsibility to keep ashes of two people. If the ashes are important enough to keep, what arrangements will he have in place to deal with the ashes on his own death.
I thought about this a lot when my own father was cremated after being turned down for donation to the local medical school (no service and eventually scattered at the Crem closest to his home). I was sent an up-selling brochure full of ideas for re-purposing ashes. Turn them into jewellery, add them to a paperweight etc. Good ideas perhaps, but what happens next. My friend seriously considered the paperweight idea for his parents. He did eventually change his mind as being a single person with no plans to marry, he was concerned his parents would end up in a charity shop, car boot sale etc. on his own death. That prospect was abhorent to him and hence both parents ashes were scattered. 
My Mum has a donation arrangement in place and will likely also be rejected when she dies, as she has dementia. If that happens she also wants a cremation and no service. I live some 200 miles from the crem at which Dad was scattered. I've pondered if i should take mum to be scattered with Dad. I've concluded it doesn't matter either way. Their ashes will blow in the wind at different site but in my head / memories they remain. 

TonyMMM

uknick said:

When some members of the family said they wanted to attend the cremation service, the executor called the probate service and was told you have to follow what is in the will.

They're wrong - funeral wishes expressed in wills are not binding on the executor ( who may not even be the person arranging the funeral anyway).

Helonwheels

tooldle said:

Has your son thought this through? By that i mean it is quite a responsibility to keep ashes of two people. If the ashes are important enough to keep, what arrangements will he have in place to deal with the ashes on his own death.
I thought about this a lot when my own father was cremated after being turned down for donation to the local medical school (no service and eventually scattered at the Crem closest to his home). I was sent an up-selling brochure full of ideas for re-purposing ashes. Turn them into jewellery, add them to a paperweight etc. Good ideas perhaps, but what happens next. My friend seriously considered the paperweight idea for his parents. He did eventually change his mind as being a single person with no plans to marry, he was concerned his parents would end up in a charity shop, car boot sale etc. on his own death. That prospect was abhorent to him and hence both parents ashes were scattered. 
My Mum has a donation arrangement in place and will likely also be rejected when she dies, as she has dementia. If that happens she also wants a cremation and no service. I live some 200 miles from the crem at which Dad was scattered. I've pondered if i should take mum to be scattered with Dad. I've concluded it doesn't matter either way. Their ashes will blow in the wind at different site but in my head / memories they remain. 

You have raised some valid points that we will need to discuss over coffee and cake, better to be prepared or as I like to say hope for the best but plan for the worst.