Wife Spending Too Much. Can I Protect My Savings?

Pollycat

I'm not sure if you've misunderstood my point.
We have a joint account.
We do not have separate accounts.
Both our private pensions and state pensions are paid into that account.
The bills come out of that account.
It's called trust and being on the same page.

Unfortunately the OP isn't in the same position.

My point was that not everyone needs their own separate account and a joint account

It's our money, it's been our money for the last 35+ years.
We have never had an argument about money

We only have a joint account because that's all we need.

Retireby40

Pollycat said:

I'm not sure if you've misunderstood my point.
We have a joint account.
We do not have separate accounts.
Both our private pensions and state pensions are paid into that account.
The bills come out of that account.
It's called trust and being on the same page.

Unfortunately the OP isn't in the same position.

My point was that not everyone needs their own separate account and a joint account

It's our money, it's been our money for the last 35+ years.
We have never had an argument about money

We only have a joint account because that's all we need.

My point was more in regards to you disagreeing with my overall suggestion.

Obviously your situation is unique. Brilliant that it works for you.

However many couples have different hobbies/interests/likes that can be different in cost.

As the OP has said. His wife is a spend attack. He isn't. In their situation just a joint account wouldn't work. She would spend everything. 

Just 2 personal accounts wouldn't work either as the OP is left to foot any extra bills.

Hence my recommendation. Which I have no doubt you agree with. I really don't know why you are even debating it with me when we know it's what's best for the OP and his wife.

Pollycat

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

I'm not sure if you've misunderstood my point.
We have a joint account.
We do not have separate accounts.
Both our private pensions and state pensions are paid into that account.
The bills come out of that account.
It's called trust and being on the same page.

Unfortunately the OP isn't in the same position.

My point was that not everyone needs their own separate account and a joint account

It's our money, it's been our money for the last 35+ years.
We have never had an argument about money

We only have a joint account because that's all we need.

My point was more in regards to you disagreeing with my overall suggestion.

Obviously your situation is unique. Brilliant that it works for you.

However many couples have different hobbies/interests/likes that can be different in cost.

As the OP has said. His wife is a spend attack. He isn't. In their situation just a joint account wouldn't work. She would spend everything. 

Just 2 personal accounts wouldn't work either as the OP is left to foot any extra bills.

Hence my recommendation. Which I have no doubt you agree with. I really don't know why you are even debating it with me when we know it's what's best for the OP and his wife.

No, it isn't unique.

I don't presume to tell the OP the right way to manage his finances.

As others have said - it's not a financial problem, it's a relationship problem.

Retireby40

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

I'm not sure if you've misunderstood my point.
We have a joint account.
We do not have separate accounts.
Both our private pensions and state pensions are paid into that account.
The bills come out of that account.
It's called trust and being on the same page.

Unfortunately the OP isn't in the same position.

My point was that not everyone needs their own separate account and a joint account

It's our money, it's been our money for the last 35+ years.
We have never had an argument about money

We only have a joint account because that's all we need.

My point was more in regards to you disagreeing with my overall suggestion.

Obviously your situation is unique. Brilliant that it works for you.

However many couples have different hobbies/interests/likes that can be different in cost.

As the OP has said. His wife is a spend attack. He isn't. In their situation just a joint account wouldn't work. She would spend everything. 

Just 2 personal accounts wouldn't work either as the OP is left to foot any extra bills.

Hence my recommendation. Which I have no doubt you agree with. I really don't know why you are even debating it with me when we know it's what's best for the OP and his wife.

No, it isn't unique.

Polly cat. You are literally debating with me for nothing hence the short reply. 

More couples, especially nowadays, have joint and personal accounts. If you set up a poll very few would have just 1 joint account and no other personal bank accounts.

Based on all information what I have said is by far the best solution. Do you not agree? If not give your solution. 

Pollycat

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

I'm not sure if you've misunderstood my point.
We have a joint account.
We do not have separate accounts.
Both our private pensions and state pensions are paid into that account.
The bills come out of that account.
It's called trust and being on the same page.

Unfortunately the OP isn't in the same position.

My point was that not everyone needs their own separate account and a joint account

It's our money, it's been our money for the last 35+ years.
We have never had an argument about money

We only have a joint account because that's all we need.

My point was more in regards to you disagreeing with my overall suggestion.

Obviously your situation is unique. Brilliant that it works for you.

However many couples have different hobbies/interests/likes that can be different in cost.

As the OP has said. His wife is a spend attack. He isn't. In their situation just a joint account wouldn't work. She would spend everything. 

Just 2 personal accounts wouldn't work either as the OP is left to foot any extra bills.

Hence my recommendation. Which I have no doubt you agree with. I really don't know why you are even debating it with me when we know it's what's best for the OP and his wife.

No, it isn't unique.

Polly cat. You are literally debating with me for nothing hence the short reply. 

More couples, especially nowadays, have joint and personal accounts. If you set up a poll very few would have just 1 joint account and no other personal bank accounts.

Based on all information what I have said is by far the best solution. Do you not agree? If not give your solution. 

My reply is not so 'short'. I edited it.

My solution would be to sort out the relationship.
The OP and his wife are not on the same page. They're not even on the same book.
They need to discuss and agree where they want to be in 5, 10, 20 years time.
They can't even agree about pension contributions.

Maybe the OP should try to find out why his wife spends so much.
Boredom? Dissatisfaction? Habit? Compulsion?

Part of that relationship problem is the OP's in-laws

Suggesting joint and separate accounts to solve the OP's stated issues is like putting a plaster on a broker leg.
IMHO.

Retireby40

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

I'm not sure if you've misunderstood my point.
We have a joint account.
We do not have separate accounts.
Both our private pensions and state pensions are paid into that account.
The bills come out of that account.
It's called trust and being on the same page.

Unfortunately the OP isn't in the same position.

My point was that not everyone needs their own separate account and a joint account

It's our money, it's been our money for the last 35+ years.
We have never had an argument about money

We only have a joint account because that's all we need.

My point was more in regards to you disagreeing with my overall suggestion.

Obviously your situation is unique. Brilliant that it works for you.

However many couples have different hobbies/interests/likes that can be different in cost.

As the OP has said. His wife is a spend attack. He isn't. In their situation just a joint account wouldn't work. She would spend everything. 

Just 2 personal accounts wouldn't work either as the OP is left to foot any extra bills.

Hence my recommendation. Which I have no doubt you agree with. I really don't know why you are even debating it with me when we know it's what's best for the OP and his wife.

No, it isn't unique.

Polly cat. You are literally debating with me for nothing hence the short reply. 

More couples, especially nowadays, have joint and personal accounts. If you set up a poll very few would have just 1 joint account and no other personal bank accounts.

Based on all information what I have said is by far the best solution. Do you not agree? If not give your solution. 

My reply is not so 'short'. I edited it.

My solution would be to sort out the relationship.
The OP and his wife are not on the same page. They're not even on the same book.
They need to discuss and agree where they want to be in 5, 10, 20 years time.
They can't even agree about pension contributions.

Maybe the OP should try to find out why his wife spends so much.
Boredom? Dissatisfaction? Habit? Compulsion?

Part of that relationship problem is the OP's in-laws

Suggesting joint and separate accounts to solve the OP's stated issues is like putting a plaster on a broker leg.
IMHO.

Sorting the relationship may take time. 

While that time is passing what do we suggest? Just let the OP foot every surprise bill?

At least with joint accounts the OPs other half could set up a standing order. So therefore she, and OP know that bills are covered at least 50/50. Then they could address what other half does with the other part of the money with the peace of mind that one person isn't being taken advantage off and therefore becoming resentful.

Again you probably disagree with that logic because you have set your stall out with me.

If you have anything more to say back to me drop me a private mail. Its not fair for the OP to have us taking over his thread. 

I didn't tell them what to do. I gave a recommendation hence my use of the word "should". A word that is usually used when giving advice. I didn't say must. I offered a suggestion. Based on the knowledge given. You felt the need to disagree and bring your situation which is completely different. You come from a different generation and a different mentality.

Pollycat

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

I'm not sure if you've misunderstood my point.
We have a joint account.
We do not have separate accounts.
Both our private pensions and state pensions are paid into that account.
The bills come out of that account.
It's called trust and being on the same page.

Unfortunately the OP isn't in the same position.

My point was that not everyone needs their own separate account and a joint account

It's our money, it's been our money for the last 35+ years.
We have never had an argument about money

We only have a joint account because that's all we need.

My point was more in regards to you disagreeing with my overall suggestion.

Obviously your situation is unique. Brilliant that it works for you.

However many couples have different hobbies/interests/likes that can be different in cost.

As the OP has said. His wife is a spend attack. He isn't. In their situation just a joint account wouldn't work. She would spend everything. 

Just 2 personal accounts wouldn't work either as the OP is left to foot any extra bills.

Hence my recommendation. Which I have no doubt you agree with. I really don't know why you are even debating it with me when we know it's what's best for the OP and his wife.

No, it isn't unique.

Polly cat. You are literally debating with me for nothing hence the short reply. 

More couples, especially nowadays, have joint and personal accounts. If you set up a poll very few would have just 1 joint account and no other personal bank accounts.

Based on all information what I have said is by far the best solution. Do you not agree? If not give your solution. 

My reply is not so 'short'. I edited it.

My solution would be to sort out the relationship.
The OP and his wife are not on the same page. They're not even on the same book.
They need to discuss and agree where they want to be in 5, 10, 20 years time.
They can't even agree about pension contributions.

Maybe the OP should try to find out why his wife spends so much.
Boredom? Dissatisfaction? Habit? Compulsion?

Part of that relationship problem is the OP's in-laws

Suggesting joint and separate accounts to solve the OP's stated issues is like putting a plaster on a broker leg.
IMHO.

Again you probably disagree with that logic because you have set your stall out with me.

If you have anything more to say back to me drop me a private mail. Its not fair for the OP to have us taking over his thread. 

Just because we have different viewpoints, it really doesn't mean that I have 'set my stall' at you.

I have no interest in continuing to debate with you via private message.
I don't see these last few posts as 'taking over his thread'.
We have put forward things that the OP may find useful, as have other posters.
It's up to the OP what advice, if any' he takes.

Bye now.

Retireby40

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

Retireby40 said:

Pollycat said:

I'm not sure if you've misunderstood my point.
We have a joint account.
We do not have separate accounts.
Both our private pensions and state pensions are paid into that account.
The bills come out of that account.
It's called trust and being on the same page.

Unfortunately the OP isn't in the same position.

My point was that not everyone needs their own separate account and a joint account

It's our money, it's been our money for the last 35+ years.
We have never had an argument about money

We only have a joint account because that's all we need.

My point was more in regards to you disagreeing with my overall suggestion.

Obviously your situation is unique. Brilliant that it works for you.

However many couples have different hobbies/interests/likes that can be different in cost.

As the OP has said. His wife is a spend attack. He isn't. In their situation just a joint account wouldn't work. She would spend everything. 

Just 2 personal accounts wouldn't work either as the OP is left to foot any extra bills.

Hence my recommendation. Which I have no doubt you agree with. I really don't know why you are even debating it with me when we know it's what's best for the OP and his wife.

No, it isn't unique.

Polly cat. You are literally debating with me for nothing hence the short reply. 

More couples, especially nowadays, have joint and personal accounts. If you set up a poll very few would have just 1 joint account and no other personal bank accounts.

Based on all information what I have said is by far the best solution. Do you not agree? If not give your solution. 

My reply is not so 'short'. I edited it.

My solution would be to sort out the relationship.
The OP and his wife are not on the same page. They're not even on the same book.
They need to discuss and agree where they want to be in 5, 10, 20 years time.
They can't even agree about pension contributions.

Maybe the OP should try to find out why his wife spends so much.
Boredom? Dissatisfaction? Habit? Compulsion?

Part of that relationship problem is the OP's in-laws

Suggesting joint and separate accounts to solve the OP's stated issues is like putting a plaster on a broker leg.
IMHO.

Again you probably disagree with that logic because you have set your stall out with me.

If you have anything more to say back to me drop me a private mail. Its not fair for the OP to have us taking over his thread. 

Just because we have different viewpoints, it really doesn't mean that I have 'set my stall' at you.

I have no interest in continuing to debate with you via private message.
I don't see these last few posts as 'taking over his thread'.
We have put forward things that the OP may find useful, as have other posters.
It's up to the OP what advice, if any' he takes.

Bye now.

Fair enough as you say let's see if any of it is of use to him.

strawb_shortcake

If the OP and his wife both work for the NHS but the wife earns more then it would make sense that her pension would be better and may provide an equal between OP"s savings and her pension. Without dependents a divorce settlement would seem fair for both to walk away splitting the equity of a house. 

Increasing OP's pension to match his wife's would put them on a similar footing.

Regarding the holidays it does seem his wife is paying her way albeit not how and when he'd like. This is something in his control and could refuse to book a holiday until they both save for it.

If her car has a big repair bill then it's her job to find the money, I wouldn't waste my energy considering this, it's part of being a responsible adult and a lesson that may actually help.

But agree with others, the relationship is the primary issue, the joint goals sound more as though it's actually just the OP's, and certainly not a new problem

74jax

I think you need to look at this as an overall picture, what happened with the expensive pram, how did the discussions end? What happened with the costly cruise with the in laws, how did the discussions end?
These are the only 2 threads I remember without looking back, but you've obviously had to have money discussions and make compromises with these, who usually compromises more? Are you OK with that, and do you wish to continue this way?
If so, I'd suggest you both sit down, list EVERY bill and create an account to pay them from (can included savings if you wish). Each contributing to the discussion and the setting up of who pays x amount.  What you each have left is yours.