Advice please: Should I move out? 26 August 2022 at 9:35AM in House buying, renting & selling 19 replies 2.7K views

SevenOne3

TLDR: I live with my parents and I want to move out into my own apartment (renting) in a different city, but I'm scared about energy bills. Should I stay home and save until things calm down? (PS: Please say they going to calm down!)

My home life is ok, I get along with my family and I'm comfortable for the most part. The main problems are:

- Where we live is not well connected, no public transport and I don't drive. Closest train station is 30 minutes by car (£25 in a taxi).

- I feel like I'm wasting my life being here when I could be making friends and living a proper life in a city (doing activities,  socialising and even joining fitness clubs which would help my mental/psychical health).

- Not a lot freedom to be how I want to be, even just being conscious of being in a towel and having to dress myself in the night to go to the toilet.

If we weren't in a Cost of Living Crisis this would be an easy decision and I would move out, however I am very worried that once I did move I would just be spending all of my money on bills and I actually wouldn't be able to spend money on the things I want to do when I move.

My family have offered that my partner move in with us (which I am so grateful for),.

I'm wondering whether to stay at home while the energy prices are absolutely bonkers and then move out when things would be more financially comfortable? But who knows when that would even be?

Any advice would be massively appreciated. I need some outsider opinions.

Lespaul1960

I think yes you should move out.  If the cost of living crises ever ends, there will just be something else to worry about. Then one morning you will wake up and think where did my life go !!

RAS

Hi, none of us know your income, the local rents, costs of the activities that you want to do, whether you have any savings etc.

I'd suggest you start by putting together a budget SOA Calculator (lemonfool.co.uk) here, based on your current costs and your expected costs if you move out. You don't have to post it here but if you want feed back, try the debt free forum.

One thing I would point out is that if you rent accommodation with your partner, you will be tied into a 12 month contract that's irrevocable. So if SHTF and you broke up with your partner, you'd have to pay the rent, Council Tax and utilities until the end of the contract, even if he stopped paying anything.

So maybe, look at a flat share (two bedrooms or more) with a friend (or two). And agree rules round partners staying. Or consider your partner moving in with you and your parents, IF your partner is up for that and all four of you can agree the ground rules.  Or start saving an emergency fund to cover any messes down the road.

It's not easy transferring from just being partners to living together and both doing so at home and in a flat of your own will have additional but different stresses. 

I'd also suggest that you look at the real cost of your living at home and the practical cost. Are you paying a full third share (or whatever) of the current household budget? Are you contributing a full third of the effort required to run and maintain the household? Because if you move out, you'll be doing half or all of the work, and are you prepared (as in self-trained) to do that? If not you need to talk to your parents as shared housemates and see how you can learn the ropes.

Standingstrong

I think you should move out yes 

the cost of living crises will never end there will just be something else to worry about then another.. 

Go ahead and do it 

SevenOne3

RAS said:

Hi, none of us know your income, the local rents, costs of the activities that you want to do, whether you have any savings etc.

I'd suggest you start by putting together a budget here, based on your current costs and your expected costs if you move out. You don't have to post it here but if you want feed back, try the debt free forum.

One thing I would point out is that if you rent accommodation with your partner, you will be tied into a 12 month contract that's irrevocable. So if SHTF and you broke up with your partner, you'd have to pay the rent, Council Tax and utilities until the end of the contract, even if he stopped paying anything.

So maybe, look at a flat share (two bedrooms or more) with a friend (or two). And agree rules round partners staying. Or consider your partner moving in with you and your parents, IF your partner is up for that and all four of you can agree the ground rules.  Or start saving an emergency fund to cover any messes down the road.

It's not easy transferring from just being partners to living together and both doing so at home and in a flat of your own will have additional but different stresses. 

I'd also suggest that you look at the real cost of your living at home and the practical cost. Are you paying a full third share (or whatever) of the current household budget? Are you contributing a full third of the effort required to run and maintain the household? Because if you move out, you'll be doing half or all of the work, and are you prepared (as in self-trained) to do that? If not you need to talk to your parents as shared housemates and see how you can learn the ropes.

Thanks for replying.

Just a few things, I wouldn't consider a flat/house share as if I was going to do that I'd rather do it with my family. Also there is no "he" in this equation.

I know everyone says it but I'm not worried about splitting with my partner. Even if we did break up, I have savings and I could always come back home and get a flatmate temporarily.

Thank you for the calculator, that's great, I will give that a go

As far as self-trained, I would say so. I make an effort to learn everything I can, if any it's me teaching my parents. I've also been putting money away from my salary into savings pots and "forgetting about it" to pretend I've paid rent and forecasted expenses. My savings are in the best place and earning the best interest available right now. My parents have refused help with their mortgage payments but I do contribute to bills, they are happy with me putting money away.

Thanks again 

Ramouth

As others have said, I would go for it - you need to live your life and no one knows what the future will bring.  One thing you can do to minimise the impact of energy prices  is to choose somewhere with good energy efficiency.  EPC rating should be available for prospective rentals, but if not, generally the newer a place is the better the energy efficiency will be (because building regs have got stricter over time) and gas heating/ hot water is cheaper to run than night storage which is cheaper than on demand electric heating / hot water.

Good luck with your new adventure!

FreeBear

RAS said: One thing I would point out is that if you rent accommodation with your partner, you will be tied into a 12 month contract that's irrevocable. So if SHTF and you broke up with your partner, you'd have to pay the rent, Council Tax and utilities until the end of the contract, even if he stopped paying anything.

An alternative is to look for a spare room and become a lodger. Exit clauses are often a lot more forgiving if the S really does hit the fan. But as a couple, finding a room may not be so easy.

On the bills side, these are often included in the rent, so there are rarely any hidden surprises at the end of the month.

youth_leader

I remember leaving home at 17 to move into a flat share, I was so excited.  My rent and bus fares to work were so high I lived on soup and toast, and couldn't afford to go out.  Plan it very carefully.

Alderbank

You don't give details but I get the impression that you live and work on the family farm. Is that right?
If not, where do you work and how do you get to work? How well do you get on with your work colleagues?
If you were to move to 'a different city' would that involve changing jobs at the same time?
Does your partner drive? If she moved in with your family would she continue in her current job?

If it would work OK I would seriously consider your partner moving in at least as a temporary measure. If you then decided to part and go your own ways it would be better to do so while you are still at home. If living together works out, the two of you will be better equipped to move into your own place supporting each other than you doing so solo if you have always lived at home.

Just my opinion.

Brie

Having a partner move in with a family is tricky.  And it really depends on the family and the partner.  I would rather have starved on the streets (and just about did) then move my OH in my my folks.  But it was easy with his parents.  My brother and his OH moved in with our folks and she left after a couple of months - maybe it would have happened anyway but I'm sure my mother didn't help the situation.  

I think you need to separate the two issues.  If you want to move out then you need to do that because you want to - to be independent, to have privacy, to find some adventure without someone asking what time you got home last night.  If you want to move some place with your partner then do so because you both want to be together and can't imagine not being so.  Don't do it because it's a cheaper option or because you're scared to be on your own.  Do be sure it's not changing two parents for what is effectively one parent - lots of people make that mistake.   

CheeseDreams

If I were you I'd hold off moving out, for at least a year. People are still thinking about the cost of living crisis in personal terms - my energy bill, filling up my car, paying more for food etc. We've not yet started to see the bigger picture.

How will you feel if you move out and the gym closes, or quadruples the membership fee? The venues you plan to socialise at close their doors cos they can't afford to run the business anymore? I think we are in for a real societal shock when this energy cost spiral really hits. You might find living with family easier even if your taxi bill trebles.