Money Moral Dilemma: Our son got a £20,000 payout - should we focus on saving for our other kids?

jacquifef

How about a different idea? You could save for your children but not in their names. If it’s in an ISA there are no tax implications for it. (Assuming you don’t already have full ISA savings.)

MSE are always telling us about parental contributions to university. There’s the Bank of Mum and Dad help-to-buy scheme. Weddings are often paid for (at least traditionally! And partly now) by parents. You don’t yet know which of these things your children will need help with. Save the money in your name and you can use it fairly for their needs in the future.

Example 1: my younger brother fell into the first year of £3K tuition fees; I was the last year of £1K fees. We both did 4 years. He “got” ~£8K more than me. Yet it is fair because we both had our tuition fees paid for.
Example 2: My parents paid for about 60% of my wedding. My brother is not married. I “got” ~£7K more than him. It’s fair because if he gets married, they’d help him out similarly.

Also a note on entitlement - your money is your money, for you to spend as you choose. As parents it is important that we try to instil that idea in our children so that they’re not claiming ownership of what is not theirs and therefore deciding what is fair for you to spend on them. 

mckenzzee

I think this can be quite a difficult decision to make especially as your wanting to make it fair for all your children.

However, from a pragmatic n legal position, the money has been awarded to your son directly therefore, it belongs to him n him alone.

From a fair, nurturing, kind parental side 🙂, of course splitting the money equally is a lovely thing to do n why not, well, for the very reason I have already mentioned above.

In no way is this detrimental to whatever decision you make, however, as a first port of call n I'm sure you already have, make sure it's in an account that can accrue a nice interest until your son is 18, I would then sit him down n explain about the money n see what 'he' would like to do, after all it does belong to him.

It would be awful for him to turn around at 18 n although he may understand what you may have done, by splitting the money equally, he may also turn round n say that you had no right to make that decision n he would be well within his rights even going as far as making a claim for the rest of it.

I am in no way suggesting he would do anything legal to have the money returned to him but, please bear in mind, our kids never really do or think the same way as we do no matter how many times ya spell it out for them!...😂, it would be a very sad experience for your whole family if he felt robbed of making a decision about 'his' money.

Hope your son has recovered from his incident and good luck 🙂

Bonnypitlad

Who dreams up these hypothetical scenarios?, this weeks is a cracker!
IMHO let the poor little bu**er keep his windfall, if he does need extra care spend it on him now, otherwise with good investment it should be the deposit on a house
Save equally for all three
DON’T TELL THE  OTHER KIDS
Hmmm, what happens if you have another child?

Sea_Shell

That's the problem with these "dilemmas" in that we only ever get half a story, so end up guessing most of it.


I initially said "save equally".

However, if this was purely compensation for an "emotional trauma" to a toddler (who may have forgotten about it already) rather than a physical issue that will need ongoing treatment/care....then I'd suggest that the "family" all suffered in some way from this incident , so the money should be split.

Maybe all go on a nice family holiday with it!


But without knowing what the incident was, or the injury sustained, we can only put ideas out there for the "OP" to hopefully read and take something from.

ExFitty

I was hit by a car when on a zebra crossing aged 13. I was awarded compensation which was retained and invested by the court until I was 18 years old, when it was given directly to me. I used this as a partial deposit on my first house. At the time of the accident I was not aware that compensation had been granted and neither were my 3 siblings, although my parents were aware. There was never any discussion about me splitting the money with my siblings, and to my knowledge no bad feelings with my siblings. My youngest sister once said "I'm glad you were able to get on the property ladder so young, but given the choice - I would not want your scars"
This compensation was awarded to your son - put it in trust until he is able to decide exactly what to do with it. If at adulthood he may not recall what it was awarded for and decide on his own to split it. But it is his decision to take.

neilmorgan

You didn't give him that £20,000 so to be blunt it's nothing to do with what you give all your children

pjcox2005

Depends why the compensation has been awarded; if it effects any part of their life later on then I'd save separately.

If it's an accident that they don't even remember and has no actual long term impact then I would save differently to the others. For example, if my kids won on premium bonds then I would even it up so they have an equal start to adult life.

pollypenny

pjcox2005 said:

Depends why the compensation has been awarded; if it effects any part of their life later on then I'd save separately.

If it's an accident that they don't even remember and has no actual long term impact then I would save differently to the others. For example, if my kids won on premium bonds then I would even it up so they have an equal start to adult life.

Would you be able to split premium bonds winnings?  I doubt it.  I know someone whose sister won the maximum on PB in their earlier days.  It belonged to her. 

TBagpuss

Sea_Shell said:

That's the problem with these "dilemmas" in that we only ever get half a story, so end up guessing most of it.


I initially said "save equally".

However, if this was purely compensation for an "emotional trauma" to a toddler (who may have forgotten about it already) rather than a physical issue that will need ongoing treatment/care....then I'd suggest that the "family" all suffered in some way from this incident , so the money should be split.

Maybe all go on a nice family holiday with it!


But without knowing what the incident was, or the injury sustained, we can only put ideas out there for the "OP" to hopefully read and take something from.

Except that the money is not the family's, or the parents' to split or send. It belongs to the child who was injured and it *has* to be held for them .

The only issue is whether the parents then treat that childndiffernetly to the others in how they save for them, knoing that this child will have the extra £20,000 plus return on investment. 

Personally, I'd say treat them all the same. The child's compensation is separate issue and shouldn't be an excuse to treat them differently. 

MW68

I am one of 3 grown children. One of my siblings is disabled due to issues during their birth. People didn't get compensation from medical trusts years ago but if they had I would not have expected a penny of that money to come to me. Explain to your other children it is to support their sibling because of the accident and as the parent make sure they understand why that is the moral thing to do.