Ex- work colleague situation re: gifts - WWYD? 1 August 2022 at 7:54AM in Marriage, relationships & families 31 replies 4.6K views

coconutcurls

pinkshoes said:

coconutcurls said:

I don’t drink wine and I am very fussy with my chocolates, that is why I said she can keep and I will offer. 

I find that exceptionally rude. 

It's a gift and rejecting part of it and being picky is REALLY rude.

You accept it, say thank you, then if there is anything you don't want you can give it to another friend and NOT someone associated with the gift. 

At school, once the children and parents are gone, it is common practice to pass on each other’s gifts or exchange them. 
Sometimes I might get something in a colour that I don’t like but my colleague had the same thing in the colour I like and vice versa so swapping is a good way to keep both parties happy as the gift giver intended. 

Same with food stuffs and everything else. 

The only difference here is that instead of doing it at school I will do wherever we happen to meet. 

It keeps it within the staff which makes more sense to me. 

In B’s case I know she drinks wine and likes chocolate and I am sure she will be glad rather then offended. 

Shelldean

pinkshoes said:

coconutcurls said:

I don’t drink wine and I am very fussy with my chocolates, that is why I said she can keep and I will offer. 

I find that exceptionally rude. 

It's a gift and rejecting part of it and being picky is REALLY rude.

You accept it, say thank you, then if there is anything you don't want you can give it to another friend and NOT someone associated with the gift. 

Pinkshoes.

I believe you've misunderstood.
The gifta are from children and their parents that the OP has dealt with in some way.

As OP had left the school before the end of term, the gifts were collected and given to her neighbour who also worked on the school. So neighbour can pass on.

A different colleague has now told OP that firstly she had gifts (OP was unaware as she'd left the school) and secondly where they  currently are.

So the gifts she offering to the neighbour who is holding them, is the chocolate and wine she has no use for. They haven't come from neighbour, so she won't be rude by offering them to the neighbour

TheJP

There is a lot of assumptions as to what the gifts are. Were they specifically for you or to be shared with all staff? Ask your friend what were the gifts and tell them that you haven't had anything. However if you don't get them there is no obligation you will as you don't have proof of what they are and you have now left the organisation. Not worth the hassle in my opinion.

coconutcurls

TheJP said:

There is a lot of assumptions as to what the gifts are. Were they specifically for you or to be shared with all staff? Ask your friend what were the gifts and tell them that you haven't had anything. However if you don't get them there is no obligation you will as you don't have proof of what they are and you have now left the organisation. Not worth the hassle in my opinion.

The gifts are mine. The children / patents usually use separate gifts bags with the person’s name written on it and with cards in it so it is clear.

The gifts that are to be shared are usually food and goes to the staff room. Obviously I am not talking about those. 

Yes, I am speculating what the gifts might be from years and years and years of experience receiving them consistently just before Christmas, Summer break and sometimes Easter. 

I just didn’t expect anything this year because I left a few weeks before the end of the school year. 

If there are gift cards there, they are worth the hassle, believe me;)

74jax

TheJP said:

There is a lot of assumptions as to what the gifts are. Were they specifically for you or to be shared with all staff? Ask your friend what were the gifts and tell them that you haven't had anything. However if you don't get them there is no obligation you will as you don't have proof of what they are and you have now left the organisation. Not worth the hassle in my opinion.

My daughter is a primary school teacher. She gets 29 x gifts (some gave 2, so more really) so definitely worth the hassle and definitely given for her. From her cpupils. The parents/pupils would be very sad / angry if they picked a gift that never reached its intended - as I would be in their position.

Some of the cards are an absolute heartbreaker to read, she works in a specialist school and the words from parents are what makes her continue. So heartfelt. 

BellaLasagna2018

74jax said:

TheJP said:

There is a lot of assumptions as to what the gifts are. Were they specifically for you or to be shared with all staff? Ask your friend what were the gifts and tell them that you haven't had anything. However if you don't get them there is no obligation you will as you don't have proof of what they are and you have now left the organisation. Not worth the hassle in my opinion.

My daughter is a primary school teacher. She gets 29 x gifts (some gave 2, so more really) so definitely worth the hassle and definitely given for her. From her cpupils. The parents/pupils would be very sad / angry if they picked a gift that never reached its intended - as I would be in their position.

Some of the cards are an absolute heartbreaker to read, she works in a specialist school and the words from parents are what makes her continue. So heartfelt. 

Even in a non specialist school the words from pupils are priceless. I have received cards that have brought tears to my eyes. Cards that I have kept, and cherish far more than any gift! 

TripleH

My mother was a teacher. We were quite happy with the chocolates she brought home (she likes certain ones) so the gifts were always appreciated.

Yes, message person A and let them know.

It could be person B planned to do a favour (maybe not completely voluntarily) and is too embarrassed to admit they don't know exactly where you live  that or something important has sprung up.

coconutcurls

Person B knows exactly where I live

thegreenone

I think I would put a note in Person B's postbox to say "Hi, I understand you, very kindly, collected up my gifts.  Please let me know when I can come and collect.  Many thanks for doing this."

It doesn't matter if you don't drink wine or eat chocolates - they were gifts were to YOU.  Hopefully, B will a) bring them down when they return from holiday/vacation or b) will have time to replace what they have consumed.  What you do with the wine/chocolates is entirely up to you.

RogerBareford

coconutcurls said:

elsien said:

When colleague A asked if you’d had the gifts would have been the time to say that you hadn’t - then whoever had asked them to drop them off could have chased them up. What did you responx with when they asked? 

The longer you leave it, the more awkward it’s going to get. So I’d probably call colleague A and say if they let you have the number you can call up and fetch them. 

I know it is bad but I didn’t reply to A yet which is fine I can still do it. 

I am not sure if someone asked B or if B volunteered. 

Have you mananged to get the gifts yet?

I hope you have atleast replied to A