Financial support to children

Drawingaline

Our daughter is off to London in sep to study. Her loan will just cover her accommodation. We will pay her phone bill and send her £100 a month as that's all we can spare. She has been saving like mad for the past two years from her part time job and has around 5k. She doesn't want to transfer her job, but will be able to work in the holidays. She is becoming aware that she won't have an jncome and will have to rely on her savings. She may get another job in London, but doesn't want to do this for a while as she is still unconvinced the course/uni is the right one for her.

I think she wil be fine, she is sensible and I trust her to make good choices.

powerspowers

It sounds like she is doing well juggling uni and work and that is allowing her the lifestyle she wants, she would be skint and eating beans if she wasn’t working. So should the money from her wage replace what you give her or to spend as she sees fit? 

For me the answer to that question would depend on your circumstances and your other childrens needs. As a previous poster said, if you are in need of the £200 I’d consider paying less. If everything’s ok, I’d carry on for the final year. It may be that she needs to reduce her hours etc whilst doing her final year.

don’t underestimate the skills learnt in an entry level job. I recruit in the public sector and always happy to hear about bar, supermarket jobs as it shows a work ethic and ability to deal with the public. 

TBagpuss

Savvy_Sue said:

I think it's not so much about the support given, what matters is the communication around it - and the communication between you and your husband.



I think it's fine to talk to your student offspring and work out what's reasonable. If that changes mid course, talk to them. If you're concerned about their future plans, talk to them.

I think this is key - talk to them so that they know both how much help you can provide and why, exespecially if some of it is down to perception of how reasonable their spending etc etc.

I am one of 4 siblings who all went to university. My sister and I got small grants and small loans, and my parnets paid the 'parnetal contribution' recommended by the government the younger two got loans, again  with my paretns providing the recommended amounts (differences were due to the changes in loans /grants and also due to them having fewer dependents and more income by the time the youner ones went) 

We all got  trasposrt to and from universiaty at the start and end of the year , and help with basics - crockery and such where it wasn't provided, a box of food at the start of the year, and were able to treturn home during holidays for free food and lodging. 

We didn't get anything extra as a general rule although they were willing to help out in emergencies.

I think if you feel that they need to budget better then talk to them and set out what you fell is reasoable, and listen to what they say. Holidays aren't really necessary but it might be reasonble to give them some notice if you are cutting back on support. (I do also have a certian amount of sympathy for the young people who missed out on such a lotdueto lock down, in terms of things they might otherwise have done such as gap years or holidays during their 6 form years) 

JReacher1

With her part time job and the £200 a month you give her she has quite a high disposable income and seems to enjoy her life. There is nothing wrong with that so really it’s down to your own personal financial situation whether you continue. 

If you can easily afford to give her £200 a month and have done for the last two years seems sensible to continue for the last year.  However if it’s causing you financial issues then either lower the amount or stop it. 

Lavendyr

Threebabes said:

Would love some views on what support you give to your university kids.

our middle child is going into the last year of university in September. Has a part time job earning between £400-£700 a month since the start. Her loan covers her rent. We are giving her £200 a month to supplement her loan and living costs. She isn’t living a student life, eats out regularly, brunch, coffees, evening meals.had a week’s holiday in April, off to a lodge for the night next week, had 5 days in New York in June, off to London for a few days in august. When I see her she always wants to go for a food shop which I pay for and usually double what she usually spends.

my husband thinks she has no drive to look for a part time job in her field, it’s very competitive. No effort in applying for work experience etc. Do we continue to supplement her lifestyle? I must have an old fashioned view on university where I thought you were skint, and scrapped by where she’s living her best life.

Thank you.

I'm not there yet but can offer perspective as a previous uni kid. 

Your middle child is doing pretty well by the sounds of it. I was well into my £1000 overdraft in my final year of uni - which is when they ask you to pay it back all of a sudden! Your daughter's uni experience sounds nothing like mine, and I was at a very privileged university. At that time my parents gave me £200 a month also, though my university wouldn't allow me to work during term time (I worked during holidays earning around £150-200 a week - pre-tax not that it's relevant at this stage). Are you sure she isn't also into her overdraft?

What is her field? But more importantly, what is she doing to get into that field? I think there comes a time when your child needs to be prepared to be self-sufficient. For me that happened during uni as I moved from college to house sharing, and found a job that paid for these things while I figured out what I wanted to do and got into the place I needed to me. But in the meantime I worked, full-time. It is a difficult balance between supporting your daughter and pushing her a bit onwards. Perhaps you might have a conversation with her about these very things:?

sheramber

I used Tesco 'buy one get one free' for food for my son at uni- he got the free one!

His grant did not cover his accommodation but he took out a student loan and got a part time job in his field of study which he was able to do at home. in between his studies. 

 He was offered a full time job with that firm when he graduated.

He never asked for any money from us, although he was told we would help if he needed it.

Threebabes

Lavendyr said:

Threebabes said:

Would love some views on what support you give to your university kids.

our middle child is going into the last year of university in September. Has a part time job earning between £400-£700 a month since the start. Her loan covers her rent. We are giving her £200 a month to supplement her loan and living costs. She isn’t living a student life, eats out regularly, brunch, coffees, evening meals.had a week’s holiday in April, off to a lodge for the night next week, had 5 days in New York in June, off to London for a few days in august. When I see her she always wants to go for a food shop which I pay for and usually double what she usually spends.

my husband thinks she has no drive to look for a part time job in her field, it’s very competitive. No effort in applying for work experience etc. Do we continue to supplement her lifestyle? I must have an old fashioned view on university where I thought you were skint, and scrapped by where she’s living her best life.

Thank you.

I'm not there yet but can offer perspective as a previous uni kid. 

Your middle child is doing pretty well by the sounds of it. I was well into my £1000 overdraft in my final year of uni - which is when they ask you to pay it back all of a sudden! Your daughter's uni experience sounds nothing like mine, and I was at a very privileged university. At that time my parents gave me £200 a month also, though my university wouldn't allow me to work during term time (I worked during holidays earning around £150-200 a week - pre-tax not that it's relevant at this stage). Are you sure she isn't also into her overdraft?

What is her field? But more importantly, what is she doing to get into that field? I think there comes a time when your child needs to be prepared to be self-sufficient. For me that happened during uni as I moved from college to house sharing, and found a job that paid for these things while I figured out what I wanted to do and got into the place I needed to me. But in the meantime I worked, full-time. It is a difficult balance between supporting your daughter and pushing her a bit onwards. Perhaps you might have a conversation with her about these very things:?

Hi

she is studying law. She was volunteering two half days a month but that seems to have fallen by the wayside. We have told her next June she has to stand on her own two feet, she will be 23 by then. She had mentioned having a couple of months before starting to look for work but that went down like a lead balloon.

We have spoken but it falls on deaf ears.  She’s been told that come next summer she will be financially independent from us. 

Spendless

Threebabes said:

Lavendyr said:

Threebabes said:

Would love some views on what support you give to your university kids.

our middle child is going into the last year of university in September. Has a part time job earning between £400-£700 a month since the start. Her loan covers her rent. We are giving her £200 a month to supplement her loan and living costs. She isn’t living a student life, eats out regularly, brunch, coffees, evening meals.had a week’s holiday in April, off to a lodge for the night next week, had 5 days in New York in June, off to London for a few days in august. When I see her she always wants to go for a food shop which I pay for and usually double what she usually spends.

my husband thinks she has no drive to look for a part time job in her field, it’s very competitive. No effort in applying for work experience etc. Do we continue to supplement her lifestyle? I must have an old fashioned view on university where I thought you were skint, and scrapped by where she’s living her best life.

Thank you.

I'm not there yet but can offer perspective as a previous uni kid. 

Your middle child is doing pretty well by the sounds of it. I was well into my £1000 overdraft in my final year of uni - which is when they ask you to pay it back all of a sudden! Your daughter's uni experience sounds nothing like mine, and I was at a very privileged university. At that time my parents gave me £200 a month also, though my university wouldn't allow me to work during term time (I worked during holidays earning around £150-200 a week - pre-tax not that it's relevant at this stage). Are you sure she isn't also into her overdraft?

What is her field? But more importantly, what is she doing to get into that field? I think there comes a time when your child needs to be prepared to be self-sufficient. For me that happened during uni as I moved from college to house sharing, and found a job that paid for these things while I figured out what I wanted to do and got into the place I needed to me. But in the meantime I worked, full-time. It is a difficult balance between supporting your daughter and pushing her a bit onwards. Perhaps you might have a conversation with her about these very things:?

Hi

she is studying law. She was volunteering two half days a month but that seems to have fallen by the wayside. We have told her next June she has to stand on her own two feet, she will be 23 by then. She had mentioned having a couple of months before starting to look for work but that went down like a lead balloon.

We have spoken but it falls on deaf ears.  She’s been told that come next summer she will be financially independent from us. 

Will  she be returning home to live with you next summer? My eldest graduated this week. He's 22 and engaged. I think It's come as a bit of a shock to the system to him that there's no more student loan money coming through to live on. They've returned to live with his fiancée's  parents for now to find 'anything will do' jobs to help get them on their feet. 

Marvel1

If she can afford holidays and eating out, she can afford to do her own food shop.

TripleH

I hated my mother doing my food shopping at university. She would try and buy me the same stuff she bought my older brother. It took long enough to convince her that I was happy with pulses porridge oats brown rice.

I received £10/week which covered my food (proud to say I was pretty healthy as a student) and I paid for the rest from working during the summer.