Second baby and First Child?

TheJP

We welcomed our second child in December, our nearly 5 year old starts school in September also. Here is what I've learnt-

• There is a lot of change coming for them, don't react to any changes in demeanour or attitude at first. Try and rationalise their behaviour and understand how they feel.
• Involve them in looking after the baby, bathing, reading changing nappies etc.
• We got library books that explain what a big brother is and what their role is. This helps them rationalise from their POV.
• Make sure you do allow for each parent to have that 1:1 time.

Our son did experience a change in his mood but it was never directed at the baby, he got sad at things that didn't usually make him sad and angry at things that he wouldn't usually have such a high tempered reaction to.

Our now 7 month old loves his big brother and we remind him that he is the only person who can make him laugh when he is crying (this is true). Yes at times we have to remind him to be gentle but he loves his little brother and i see a real strong bond forming especially as they get older.

Enjoy!

Retireby40

Mojisola said:

bouicca21 said:

With a similar age gap I found that everything was hunkydory for about 3 months.  Then the older child seemed to realise that the brat was going to be there forever and things got more difficult.  Other parents said they had similar experiences.

It isn't an usual reaction when the initial excitement wears off - it's also why I'd be wary of this advice -

"Does your son like sport? Esepcially in teams? Although he may be too young to completely understand the concept, you could make him like "the captain" of the family and that he's very important and everyone needs his help."

I don't think it's fair on the older child to not only have to learn to share his parents with the newcomer but to make him responsible for his sibling and his mother(!). 

I don't know what your wife is like but I am an adult and the children's parent and my OH would have got very short shift if he'd suggested that a very young child should be in anyway 'the captain' of the house! 

I know of an eldest son who was told by Dad every morning as he left for work "Look after your mother and brother while I'm not here" - the poor little soul took it very much to heart and felt responsible for anything that happened in the family for many years after.

The idea was to make him feel important and that you need his help and he has an important role to play. Not to have him cooking, cleaning and changing nappies.

More a psychological thing that may make him not feel left out and actually look out for the baby. Responsibility. 

ChilliBob

Well we are one month in as of yesterday!

So far so good I would say. Our oldest, son, is very affectionate towards the new baby, as above sometimes too much so!

We have seen some changes in behaviour, but nothing too drastic or too negative thankfully!

Sleep is the main issue at the moment (and all the problems that come with a lack of it!) both for us (obviously!) and him - when she Wakes and crys a lot he comes in to help! And when there is a morning feed at say 4-5 he will often wake and not go back to sleep.

Thanks all for the comments, they have been most useful