Second baby and First Child?

bouicca21

With a similar age gap I found that everything was hunkydory for about 3 months.  Then the older child seemed to realise that the brat was going to be there forever and things got more difficult.  Other parents said they had similar experiences.

so whatever you do when baby comes home, make sure you keep it up!  

Mojisola

bouicca21 said:

With a similar age gap I found that everything was hunkydory for about 3 months.  Then the older child seemed to realise that the brat was going to be there forever and things got more difficult.  Other parents said they had similar experiences.

It isn't an usual reaction when the initial excitement wears off - it's also why I'd be wary of this advice -

"Does your son like sport? Esepcially in teams? Although he may be too young to completely understand the concept, you could make him like "the captain" of the family and that he's very important and everyone needs his help."

I don't think it's fair on the older child to not only have to learn to share his parents with the newcomer but to make him responsible for his sibling and his mother(!). 

I don't know what your wife is like but I am an adult and the children's parent and my OH would have got very short shift if he'd suggested that a very young child should be in anyway 'the captain' of the house! 

I know of an eldest son who was told by Dad every morning as he left for work "Look after your mother and brother while I'm not here" - the poor little soul took it very much to heart and felt responsible for anything that happened in the family for many years after.

ChilliBob

bouicca21 said:

With a similar age gap I found that everything was hunkydory for about 3 months.  Then the older child seemed to realise that the brat was going to be there forever and things got more difficult.  Other parents said they had similar experiences.

so whatever you do when baby comes home, make sure you keep it up!  

Interesting, that makes sense. She will arrive in a week or two, and he goes to school in September. Seems this timing will be both good and bad, something new to focus on, we just need to make sure he doesn't feel farmed out to school to make way for his little sister being with us all day! 

ChilliBob

Mojisola said:

bouicca21 said:

With a similar age gap I found that everything was hunkydory for about 3 months.  Then the older child seemed to realise that the brat was going to be there forever and things got more difficult.  Other parents said they had similar experiences.

It isn't an usual reaction when the initial excitement wears off - it's also why I'd be wary of this advice -

"Does your son like sport? Esepcially in teams? Although he may be too young to completely understand the concept, you could make him like "the captain" of the family and that he's very important and everyone needs his help."

I don't think it's fair on the older child to not only have to learn to share his parents with the newcomer but to make him responsible for his sibling and his mother(!). 

I don't know what your wife is like but I am an adult and the children's parent and my OH would have got very short shift if he'd suggested that a very young child should be in way 'the captain' of the house! 

I know of an eldest son who was told by Dad every morning as he left for work "Look after your mother and brother while I'm not here" - the poor little soul took it very much to heart and felt responsible for anything that happened in the family for many years after.

Bliney, that sounds a bit heavy! Without asking he's very much going onto that role - if my wife has a nap and he's around he gets a blanket and a toy for her to look after her

Tbh our son already behaves as if he is the solo captain of our house lol.

He's naturally very caring, but he's also a bit explosive if he doesn't get his own way, and he's very determined to do things himself. There's a lot benefits and drawbacks in that when a newbie comes in. 

Plus school in September. 

It's going to be an interesting H2 this year that's for sure :0

elsien

Make sure he still gets his one to one time with you and mum when the baby’s asleep. Or with each in turn while the other looks after the baby. So he’s still important in his own right as opposed to as a caring big brother. 

ChilliBob

elsien said:

Make sure he still gets his one to one time with you and mum when the baby’s asleep. Or with each in turn while the other looks after the baby. So he’s still important in his own right as opposed to as a caring big brother. 

Thanks, it's already something we would do - especially me and him, but it's a good reminder of how important it is

silvercar

If older brother is bought a magnificent present from the new baby, it starts off the relationship with a positive feeling. Don’t make the mistake of buying a noisy drum set or guitar!

ChilliBob

silvercar said:

If older brother is bought a magnificent present from the new baby, it starts off the relationship with a positive feeling. Don’t make the mistake of buying a noisy drum set or guitar!

He he I certainly won't get something noisy! It's a decent idea though, I'll run it by my wife and see what she thinks.

theoretica

silvercar said:

If older brother is bought a magnificent present from the new baby, it starts off the relationship with a positive feeling. Don’t make the mistake of buying a noisy drum set or guitar!

Also the other way round - help him get a present for the baby.

ChilliBob

theoretica said:

silvercar said:

If older brother is bought a magnificent present from the new baby, it starts off the relationship with a positive feeling. Don’t make the mistake of buying a noisy drum set or guitar!

Also the other way round - help him get a present for the baby.

Thanks, yeah we have been doing that to an extent