Second baby and First Child? 5 July 2022 at 2:50PM in Marriage, relationships & families 23 replies 1.6K views

ChilliBob

Hey everyone, 

In about 10 days time (well, perhaps less, perhaps a bit more!) we are expecting our second child. Our first child will be five in September (when he starts school).

Thus far he has been really excited about getting a baby sister, asking questions and getting involved - great!

Now when we bring the new baby home I'd love to hear others experiences and tips/stuff with hindsight etc to make sure big bro is okay.

My wife had seen something about making sure when the first born sees the baby you cuddle him first (which I gusss means baby needs to be in a cot in hospital, or in a car seat.

Obviously we will get him involved, with very close supervision!

We expect him to be a bit clingy with Mummy, especially when she's feeding frequently. 

So yeah, we have expectations and some vague ideas but I'd love to know others experiences, views etc.

Hope this is allowed! I appreciate its a bit 'Mumsnet' and isn't very much to do eith money saving etc!

Thanks in advance! 

ka7e

Congratulations, in advance - it's usually not as stressful as you think it's going to be!

Definite yes to the suggestion that Mum has arms free for a hug with your son when he first meets the baby. Some people buy a little gift for the first child "from the baby" and you can have a little stash of treats for when visitors show up with baby gifts.  A Big Brother t-shirt makes sure your son is included in introductions, too.

5 year-olds usually love to be helpful (though the novelty soon wears off!), so fetching stuff for Mum at feeding/changing times helps occupy them. Have some engrossing toys, games or TV to distract him during feeds so he doesn't wander off - nothing worse than chasing after a child when you've started a feed.

Basic ground rules for your son - be very gentle with baby and NEVER pick baby up, no matter if they're crying or Mum is busy.

Mojisola

ka7e said:

Definite yes to the suggestion that Mum has arms free for a hug with your son when he first meets the baby. Some people buy a little gift for the first child "from the baby" and you can have a little stash of treats for when visitors show up with baby gifts. 

I'd also ask at least some of the visitors not to make a bee-line for the baby but to give some attention to your son first.

ChilliBob

ka7e said:

Congratulations, in advance - it's usually not as stressful as you think it's going to be!

Definite yes to the suggestion that Mum has arms free for a hug with your son when he first meets the baby. Some people buy a little gift for the first child "from the baby" and you can have a little stash of treats for when visitors show up with baby gifts.  A Big Brother t-shirt makes sure your son is included in introductions, too.

5 year-olds usually love to be helpful (though the novelty soon wears off!), so fetching stuff for Mum at feeding/changing times helps occupy them. Have some engrossing toys, games or TV to distract him during feeds so he doesn't wander off - nothing worse than chasing after a child when you've started a feed.

Basic ground rules for your son - be very gentle with baby and NEVER pick baby up, no matter if they're crying or Mum is busy.

Thank you!

All great points. Most of our guests are likely to be pretty clued up about not forgetting the older child, but nothing wrong with having some backup presents!

Our son does like to help, and is very determined, so to be honest it'll be easier to just make 100% sure he's not alone with her as a baby really.

The t shirt - yeah! I was looking for one as it goes, I'd got a bit sidetracked building a Snuz pod though lol.

Thanks 

ChilliBob

Mojisola said:

ka7e said:

Definite yes to the suggestion that Mum has arms free for a hug with your son when he first meets the baby. Some people buy a little gift for the first child "from the baby" and you can have a little stash of treats for when visitors show up with baby gifts. 

I'd also ask at least some of the visitors not to make a bee-line for the baby but to give some attention to your son first.

Yeah, to be honest I think most would, especially the immediate family.

Thanks! 

YBR

Make sure that your son is always seated when holding the baby.
To emphasise this with our DC1, we made sure (most) visitors sat down before giving them a hold/cuddle of DC2.

Also we were very clear about the difference between "Baby" and "doll", and which one can be dropped with no consequences!

ChilliBob

Thanks, that's a good point. Has likely to see Nanny and Grandad holding first, and they will be sitting so that sets a good precident. But a great tip.

He is convinced he knows how to do everything and doesn't need to be told, which will make this more interesting! 

Retireby40

Does your son like sport? Esepcially in teams? Although he may be too young to completely understand the concept, you could make him like "the captain" of the family and that he's very important and everyone needs his help.

If he has a favourite team you could use the captain of that as an example. 

Again he may be abit young to fully understand but something may stick. 

Good luck!!

Misslayed

Keep telling him how much his sister loves him - use any small action by her as 'proof', and tell him he is 'the World's Best Big Brother' at every opportunity, hopefully he will grow into that role! 

ChilliBob

Misslayed said:

Keep telling him how much his sister loves him - use any small action by her as 'proof', and tell him he is 'the World's Best Big Brother' at every opportunity, hopefully he will grow into that role! 

We're doing that already and it seems to be going down well - we shall continue! Thanks! 

ChilliBob

Retireby40 said:

Does your son like sport? Esepcially in teams? Although he may be too young to completely understand the concept, you could make him like "the captain" of the family and that he's very important and everyone needs his help.

If he has a favourite team you could use the captain of that as an example. 

Again he may be abit young to fully understand but something may stick. 

Good luck!!

I'm not sure he'd get the captain analogy, but he's bang into star wars at the moment (I blame my wife for getting Disney Plus lol), I could think how to bend it round to that - perhaps Daddy and Son are Han Solo and Luke Skywalker defending and protecting our family from the Darkside lol. Or that might just make him use his noisy lightsabre (thanks Nanny and Grandad lol) all the time...!