How to manage as a single parent

first78

sheramber said:

You said you didn't have anyone to support you. Does your mother give you some support?

No, I'm her carer.

Brie

I suspect the full time vs half time working is to allow for job sharing.  Completely within an employers rights to agree to flexible working or not.  At least that's what I understand.

If 28 hours a week would make this work instead of the half hours available is there a second job you could get to give you those other hours?  It may even be possible to get something with the same employer given that it sounds like it's local government.

Side comment - if you are your mom's carer I assume she's getting attendance allowance or similar?

theoretica

first78 said:

gwynlas said:

If she is still contributing to the mortgage then this needs to be formally acknowledged as she will be entitled to half the equity when it comes to sale. Most employers will accept reduced hours for carers so check this out with your union before approaching HR thet might have to consider this. Are you sharing childcare or having support from your family? My niece was in a similar situation but widowed and managed to work four days leaving her weekends free to be with the children.

If we acknowledge it formally she may well decide to contribute less

At the moment my ex spends one day a fortnight with the kids and a few hours here and there but no overnight stays, so I'm the main carer. I don't have anyone else to support me.

Have you run her income through the child maintenance calculator to confirm the minimum she has to pay?  It would be useful information for you to have - even if you don't discuss it with her - and so you know how much she is paying above the minimum maintenance.  Is she actually paying maintenance and half the mortgage too in order to justify any future claim on the house equity?

TBagpuss

It's a very difficult sitaution and unfortuantely when a couple split up it is rarely going to be possible to maintain the same lifesyle as two households are much more expnsive to run than one.

Being your mum's carer will make things more complication as another adult in the house affects availability of benefits etc.

I would suggest that you look into a few thngs:

1. Do a dtailed budget of your income and outgoings to see what you mkght be able to cut - the debt board here can be very helpful with suggestions and advise about what ight be 'cuttable'

2. Look at the CMS calcuator to see what your wife's liability for child support would be. It's unliekly that she will carry on paying half the mortgage and bills long term so you need to see what she *has* to pay, so you can plan around that.

3. Take a look at your employers policies around flexible working - if working 28 hours would be workable for you in terms of your finanances and meeting your children's needs, then  make a formal flexible working request - the worst case scenario is that they say no. read up on the requirements  so that you can tailor your rquest to fit the rules.

4. Think about whther there are any other optins - for instnace, if you were to drop to half time, could you / do your terms of employment permit you to take a second job with a different employer? For instance, working as an independent social worker.?  I appreciate thst there will be limited opprortunities for Social Workers outtside working for the local authority, unless you live near a border with another authority. 

5. Could you speak to your wife - even if her working hours make it hard for her to have the children woud she be open to adjusting her hours to share care, or to committing to cover the cost of wraparound care? 

6. Financially - its worth talking to an independent mortgage advisor. You are right that when the fix ends your mortgage payments are likely to increase, however, you might be able to look into whether you could extend the term of your mortgage - this isn't ideal as you end up paying more in the long rrun, but it might let you keep  the payments lower for now, and to plan to downsize when the children are older.

7. Talk to a solicitor. They will be able to give you more detailed, presonal advice based on the specifs of your situation. Sadly, that advice may turn out not to be what you want to hear but at least you can start to get a feel for what is and is not achievable. It may be that you need to start thinking about whether moving locally, perhaps to a shared ownership property to reduce your outgoings and allow you to let your wife access her interest in the current house would be an option to look at, for instace. 

GDB2222

Caring for mum plus two young children, plus working even half time. That’s plenty.