The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

Yes you're right abaka, the minimum payments are very high. But I'm glad that I spoke to my mum, I felt less stressed now as a result of it.

I've signed up for the Step Change 7 days 7 ways to tackle your debt email mailing list, so I will read the first two days this evening as I've not had a chance to do that yet. I'll also read up on the DMP and DRO pages on their website before I contact them on Friday so that I at least have some understanding of what the conversation will be about! 

savingholmes

Sounds like a sensible approach. You will make it.

Keedie

Well, today has been a bit of a sucker punch. But every cloud has a silver lining.

The letter from the school governors confirmed that my son's permanent exclusion has been upheld. No surprise there but he was inconsolable and cried himself to sleep after refusing to eat anything for lunch .The meeting at the Pupil Referral Unit went as expected, with the Assistant Headteacher admitting that some of the kids there are really rough, "but we're clamping down harder than we used to". From what I can gather, he seemed somewhat surprised, but impressed nonetheless that some of the children are actually getting qualifications! The second meeting at the independent tuition centre never took place, as they refused to see us unless we had a referral from the local authority (despite initially arranging an appointment). So I've declined the PRU and formally de-registered my son, so that he is home schooled moving forward. It's been an emotionally draining day.

But the good news, is that my mum came to the meeting with us for moral support, and afterward the two of us had a long talk and I was quite emotional. She really kindly offered to pay for his tuition for the remainder of this school year as a gift and I feel like absolute sh*t for relying on her, but she said that it wasn't about my pride and she was doing what she could as a grandmother.

So I've registered him for the remainder of this year, and spoken to the online school and worked out a monthly payment arrangement for his fees for the next academic year. I've secured an additional freelance client last night! And they confirmed today by signing the services agreement, so the work that I do with them with cover the monthly tuition fees of £434 (at least for 6 months). The fees are payable from September to August and is interest free, so I have time to get the money together, and the additional work I start from Saturday will allow me to get the £500 deposit together. Once the deposit is returned after his GCSEs next year, I will chuck that at my Barclaycard. I'd really hoped to not have to pay for his education, but as I had a feeling it was strong possibility I was working hard to try and get extra work and see how I can back. So I'm ecstatic that although I have an additional hefty outgoing each month, it's cost neutral (well that's what I'm telling myself  ) so my debts won't go up, but he'll get the better education and academic options moving forward. 

My sister has an interview for a new job on Monday and her chances of getting that are really high. But I spoke to her about the money she owes, and gave her the bank details for my Barclaycard, and so she's going to pay the money she owes me straight onto my credit card as a faster payment, and that will help to bring my minimum payment down. My brother is going to do the same once he has a bit more money, to cover what he owes me. That way, I'll be able to hopefully negotiate a lower monthly payment with Barclaycard as that's so high at the moment. 

My part time hours at 17.5 hours a week is a temporary arrangement that was originally meant to end on 31 July 2022, but was recently extended until 31 July 2023. I normally work 24 hours a week, and the difference in pay is £330 take home. So I've asked my manager if I can end on the original date and revert to my normal hours, or if the budget cannot accommodate it, if I can increase to 21 hours a week which is £177 extra a month. She's having to check with our Director, so I'll just see what happens, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. 

LittleMissDetermined

It sounds like you have had a rollercoaster of a day emotionally, I am disappointed to hear that the independent tuition meeting didn't take place, it sounds like a waste of your time and an unfair way of getting your hopes up.  i'm so pleased that your mum went with you for support, we all need something like this at stressful and emotional times, your son's education dn future are an emotive subject as you want the best for him. 

I was slightly confused as to whether your mum or your new client's fees will pay for th tuition you've enrolled him in but either way I am pleased you've got something sorted out and he can get his education. 

I hope in the future he will understand the sacrifices you and your mum have made for him. Thats something I never really understood until it was too late to say thank you. 

LMD x

Keedie

LittleMissDetermined said:

I was slightly confused as to whether your mum or your new client's fees will pay for th tuition you've enrolled him in but either way I am pleased you've got something sorted out and he can get his education. 

Hi LMD, 

My mum was generous enough to pay the fees for this half term, for the remainder of the academic year. And I was able to accept her generosity because it coincided with me getting a new client, which means that I'll be able to actually afford the fees (just), moving forward. So he's able to get the education without me going further into debt. Everything happens for a reason. I'm grateful for that MBNA technical glitch! It made me think much more resourcefully, and I think it also helped with my mum. As she could see that I really tried to do everything independently, but it just didn't work out as I'd hoped. 

It's been a proper rollercoaster of a day! The independent school really was a complete waste of time and they got my son's hopes up as he would've been able to continue 5/7 of his GCSEs there, but it wasn't meant to be... I am glad that he has something established now for his education, and in time he'll lick his wounds and see that things are better this way.

Hopefully he will see the sacrifices that I've made for him to have the best opportunities. And then he'll pay it forward with his own children. As kids we never really understand, and we do take it all for granted. And it does hurt when it's too late to say thank you, or even to just acknowledge someone's presence. There's so much I want to say to my dad, and I miss him so much since he passed away in April 2020. Yet when he was alive and moaning or being a bit of a demanding diva, I used to roll my eyes and sometimes struggle to have a conversation with him as he was getting dementia  . Now, I wish I could hear him rambling on and appreciate all that he did for me.

AntoMac

Well done for fighting so hard to do the best for your Son. Very kind of your Mum to help out, but I’m sure she’s glad to be able to.
I miss my Dad too, and often regret not telling him how much of a hero he was to me when he was here. I always try to make sure now to tell people I love and appreciate them, as of course one day it’s too late.
You’ve got a lot going on at the moment, but it seems like you have the determination to get it all sorted. 

Keedie

The one thing we always take for granted, is time. It’s worth more than money and any possession imaginable, yet we squander it so easily as if it’s limitless. It’s good that you let your loved ones know how much they mean to you @AntoMac. It makes all the difference. 

Things are incredibly hectic, but I’m trying to keep on top of everything by writing lists. It’s overwhelming, but it’s helping to keep me on track. 

savingholmes

Congratulations on your new client and for asking work for increased hours. Well done on asking for help. Hope things improve for you and your DS

Keedie

Thanks @savingholmes. For the first time in weeks, I feel like there’s light at the end of the tunnel  .

LittleMissDetermined

Keedie said:

Thanks @savingholmes. For the first time in weeks, I feel like there’s light at the end of the tunnel  .

I'm glad you have this feeling  

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, so I'm really chuffed that this has all worked out for you and your son.  It feels like there has been a deeper understanding from your mum too about the effort you are going to in order to get this sorted.  

LMD x