The Mental Debt Struggle...

MalMonroe

Hi, have you ever contacted one of the free debt help agencies? StepChange or National Debtline or Citizens Advice?

Your total debt is almost identical to the debt I was in a few years ago when I contacted StepChange as I was at the end of my tether and didn't know which way to turn.

Even if it's just to chat about your debts and how to control spending and how to generally learn about how to manage money. I have to admit that I was absolutely hopeless at money management, that's how I ended up calling StepChange. I felt my case was hopeless but that phone call set me on the path to a debt free life. 

If you are intending to write out your SOA anyway, that would come in really useful for a chat with a debt help person. They will go through everything with you in a really non-judgemental way. I can't tell you what a relief it was to be able to offload all my worries without being thought of as 'stupid' and 'irresponsible' and all those other adjectives I kept calling myself. (Well, if the adviser thought any of those things she didn't say!)

It's just a suggestion because it's something that worked for me. I truly am now debt free and much more money savvy. Of course it didn't happen overnight but it did happen. 

It seems that you have a lot on your plate right now and a lot of things that make you worry - but if you could spare some time to discuss things with someone who can help free of charge with no judging, then it's really worth it.    . 

StepChange - https://www.stepchange.org/
National debtline - https://www.nationaldebtline.org/
Citizens advice - https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

Keedie

Thank you all for responding and being so supportive, it really does help .

I'm sorry to hear that things were so difficult with your daughter and mum @AntoMac, but glad that things are settling down for you all. I'm actually an advocate for medication and have had medication up to January 2022, but the problem was that the antipsychotic medication that I was on, Quetiapine, damaged my liver and was making me experience non-diabetic hypoglycemia. So they changed it twice, but then each medication just made me feel worse, so I ended up getting really ill. I', not normal in terms of side effects though, as I have the fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome so I'm extremely hyper sensitive to medication and their side effects. It's just Sod's Law that I seem to get most of them! When I finally got the life insurance (which literally started last week), it was based on my most recent medical history which at present has no medication and my last period of long term sickness ended over a year ago. I was told that I have to have annual reviews of the policy which is what's making me nervous about going back onto medication although I know in my heart I do need it. I'm not sleeping or eating properly and I do feel the beginning signs of burn out. I've received the policy documents on Friday but I need to print and read it, to see if the medical is required annually, as I went through an insurance broker that specialises in pre-existing medical conditions (I have 5), as I kept getting rejected for insurance and then had to wait a while to try again, and he couldn't tell me if the medical would be needed. If it isn't, and it's simply to see if anything has worsened or changed, then I'll be okay to go back onto medication, as it's a good form of treatment.

I'm attending a weekly specialist bipolar group that teaches about self-management, mood regulation etc. But I've been told that I can't have talking therapies as I'm on the waiting list for a specialist form of CBT for chronic pain management and I'm not allowed to have two forms of therapy. So I just go to workshops and kind of hope for the best really...

@CRANKY40 I'm so happy that your son had a supportive teacher in Year 11 and he passed his maths. My sister has dyscalculia and it was really hard, but she became a primary school teacher and now she's a SENCO. It's great that he's had that confidence boost as well, I'm sure he must've worked really hard to achieve that certificate so he should be proud of himself! I'm trying to boost my son's confidence by giving him easier workbooks that he has a better chance of scoring well as he works through them, but he gets a glazed look in his eyes and then I have to back off lol. But I'll keep trying.

@MalMonroe no I've not contacted a debt free agency before I don't think, but you're right in that it's seriously worth considering. I feel like I'm drowning sometimes, but they're used to dealing with all sorts of debt, so I'm sure they'll be able to help. I feel less burdened in the last 2 months since I've come back to the MSE forum, and I do feel lighter since I've started my debt free diary. I'll do my SOA when I finish work tomorrow, as I work until 1.30pm, and I can sit and go through everything once I've had my lunch.

Have a good evening everyone.
xx

enthusiasticsaver

Poor mental health issues and debt are often linked and the stress of dealing with debt will not help. Even assuming a private online school is the right thing for your son I strongly recommend you don’t make matters worse by taking on more debt. Are his current school allowed to just exclude him without an alternative plan from the Local council? 

Keedie

I know in my heart that you're right @enthusiasticsaver, so I think it might be a sign that the MBNA technical glitch happened and reversed the money transfer so I'm just left with the original debt. If I did have to send him to the online school, then I think it would be better long term to pay it in instalments over 12 months and lower my payments on everything else and extend the debt repayment period without increasing the actual debt itself. 

The problem is that my local authority are now responsible for his education as we have passed day 6 of the exclusion, but they claimed that they were still awaiting paperwork from the school, but the school has said they've sent everything. I'm in a battle with the council for them for suitable alternatives to be in place, as the PRU isn't suitable for him. It works for many children, but it won't work for him, and the one in my local authority has a history of safeguarding issues to the point where it was reported to OFSTED and the teachers actually have a protocol and forms to be completed for incidents where they restrain the pupils!

Tomorrow I'll be contacting the council again to remind them of the fact that I know that they have legal duty to provide suitable alternative education provision and that I've had nothing from them. The school has even had to step in and give him more work, as the council just keep avoiding me and pushing me onto different departments. It's been a nightmare to be honest.

WinterWarrior

Hi Keedie, just popping in to wish you luck. I also agree with others that taking out another loan, no matter how good the intentions, is probably just going to make your journey even harder. The best thing about a light bulb moment is drawing a big line in the sand under your debt and never increasing it. 

There are lots of great suggestions and I’ve read on here that step change are brilliant at helping take the pressure off.
I think most of us on here didn’t get taught how to budget properly. My parents were excellent at budgeting and living below their means and looking back, I do realise they passed on some gems that I just didn’t take in at the time. I think if they had just sat me down and really drilled it in, instead of letting me learn everything the hard way it would have been so much better…although I realise I was always headstrong and it would have been hard work 😬 I don’t think I ever realised at the time how little they had to live on and how well they did. I have finally learnt that I don’t want anything, be it car or holiday or whatever, without saving up for it first…it only took 50 years 😅
I think you will do amazingly at this, stay strong 💪 

Keedie

Hi @WinterWarrior thank you.

You're all definitely right, increasing the debt is counter productive to my journey and what I truly want in life. I guess I'm just weighing up my mummy guilt and need to try and fix the situation, and the mental toll of increased debt and a prolonged repayment period. I've got two appointments on Thursday 16/06/2022, one with the PRU and one with an independent school, with both places funded by the council. I need to email the Head of Inclusion after I've seen both schools, so that I can advocate for the independent school (as he'll actually be able to continue with his GCSE options, but the PRU only does English Language and Maths GCSE). My son said although he finds school hard, he'd much rather try to get as many as he can manage so that he can get onto his BTEC course in September 2023. So we'll just see if I can convince them to change education providers, and he'll get an education that I'm not trying to oversee/teach or pay for. Fingers crossed that all works out.

As for budgeting, I think I missed a few tricks, but in hindsight I do have some habits ingrained in me from when I was younger as my parents really did make their money stretch. I'm one of 5 kids and my mum was a housewife and my dad a self-employed builder, so money was tight at times. But they never explained how to budget, even when we were older and understood money a bit more. I was talking to one of my sisters yesterday, and we were discussing what "living within your means" and "cut according to your cloth" actually means and we came to the conclusion that although we're supposed to only spend what we have and save, neither of us really knows how to do that effectively and consistently. So a big part of my debt free journey, is working out what I value and what I want my debt free future to look like, so that I know what my priorities are. I figured that would make it easier to stick to the plan as I know that this journey will be a hard, but ultimately rewarding one.

LittleMissDetermined

Hope the appointments go well @Keedie it will be a huge weight lifted if you can get it sorted out without additional debt. 
LMD x

Keedie

Yes it will really will! Thanks LMD, I'm cautiously optimistic. But we'll see... I'll keep you all posted.

savingholmes

Just wanted to wish you good luck on your journey. I have my own MH struggles so empathise.

Hope you get the outcome you want for your son

Keedie

Thanks @savingholmes, I really hope so too. I was told that if I reject what’s on offer, then I’ll have to home educate. So I’ve registered interest with a college that has a 14-19 provision for home b educated children. So we’ll see if that can be an option. 

Having mental health struggles is really hard isn’t it? I try to do what I can to stay well, but I’m really overwhelmed at the moment. I do think that having these trying times can build character though. Well… that’s what I tell myself anyway 😂