The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

Yes @AntoMac, we all have our crosses to bear and you never know what is going on in someone else's life. I also try to remember that when I get frustrated with people or life. It's good that you look out for your mum like that, and I'm sure she really appreciates it. I don't always hear very well and it does get embarrassing.

Bipolar does deal in extreme mood and the fluctuation in emotional regulation that goes with that. Sometimes you don't always recognise that you are going into an episode, and it's not a constant pendulum between one higher mood state to a lower one. Everyone more or less knows that depression is really debilitating and hard to deal with, and so in contrast, I think there is often the misconception that mania or hypomania is all exciting and full of creative productivity. But the reality is that any end of the spectrum for an episode often takes a long period of recovery, and it's a daily grind of routines, medication, self care, sleep schedules etc. If anyone fancies knowing more, then Mind is very good at summing up mental health conditions, v=https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/bipolar-disorder/about-bipolar-disorder/.

I think what you did for your friend AntoMac had such a profound effect on his recovery, that you would never even know or begin to comprehend. You're a great friend and you don't have to have the answers or great strategies to pull someone out of their suffering with their mental health, sometimes just listening or being present is the greatest gift you can give their recovery. It's good that you have the relationship where you can laugh at life and each other, I'm sure he appreciates that. I hope that your friend is doing much better now as well.

Would you believe I'm off out with my sisters to a bar (walking stick and all), that my friend has opened in Greenwich, South East London recently opened. So excited that I actually washed my hair and put on make up 😂. xx

Keedie

I forgot to share the joke of the day. My son was really proud that I got dressed up to go out and gave me a high five. I asked him if I looked okay. And he seemed really enthusiastic but then looked me in the eye and he winced. So I got a little paranoid and asked him what was wrong. Cue the convo we had;

Him: “Erm, you’ve not done make up in a long time innit Mummy?”

I'm getting tense and bracing for criticism… 

Me: “Yeah, why?”

He keeps staring at the blusher on my cheeks. 

Me: “Did I put too much on?”

After trying to make reassuring facial expressions and stopping and starting he just blurts it out. 

Him: “You’re meant to put it on your eyelids. Not all over your face. Why did you put it down there?!”

I start cackling as he looks concerned for me. 🤣

Me: “It’s called blusher. That’s where it goes, on your cheeks. I take it girls your age don’t wear a full face of make up?”

Him: “Well some do. But I don’t pay them no mind. I prefer my women with the more natural look… so yeah.” (His “women” are in their mid teens so his maths in terms of age is a bit suspect 🤣). 

Keedie

I had a really lazy day yesterday, and did nothing but watch Young Sheldon on Netflix, sleep and rest my legs and hips. So I ended up waking up after 5.30 this morning, really wide awake and confused. I think I overdid the daytime sleep yesterday...

I rounded down my account and sent £0.50 to the PAD Pot and cashed out £10 from Panelbase from my surveys, and when it clears, it will be my first payout, so I'm excited by that. Still not heard anything from Prolific surveys, so I don't think that will materialise anytime soon.

As I was sick last week, this is my first proper week with increased working hours from 17.5 to 21 hours a week, so hopefully I won't get too tired. I was meant to travel to the office tomorrow and I get free parking, but I don't want to risk driving the car and I can't manage the commute as my leg is still hurting. So I'll go in next week, and continue to work home tomorrow and my son has finally started studying to catch up and he's excited to study in the living room with me whilst I work, so that will be nice today and tomorrow .

AntoMac

Oh dear Keedie, nothing like the words of a loved one to take the wind out of our sails eh! 
Not too dissimilar to my teen I guess…
Her. Dad, where did you get your haircut?

Me. The Turkish barbers down the road.

Her. Hmm, better let me do it next time! 

Taking time to rest probably did you the World of good, as will working from home this week.

Keedie

They really do know how to deflate our egos don't they @AntoMac?! 😂

I've learned to lower my expectations when it comes to complimentary support... lol.

Keedie

Morning all, I hope you have a good day. I keep waking up after 5am, but I managed to send myself back to sleep this time and I had the weirdest dreams. But I'm not questioning my brain too much, as one of the dreams was a family holiday and my dad was there and I was so grateful as he died a couple of years ago, and I was just happy that my brain didn't spoil the fun of us getting to hang out once more 🤗😊🥰.

My regular weekly PADs came out today as regular transfer, so those little pots are creeping along:

£5 to the Christmas pot (£15/£285 target = 5.26% saved)
£5 to the Bills Parachute pot (£35.68/£1,186.69 target = 3.01% saved)
£5 to the Emergency Fund (£525.42/£750 target = 70.01% saved)
£6.80 to the PAD Pot (£14.38/£150 target = 9.59% saved)

I've finally managed to work out how the statement date and due date works with my Barclaycard. As long as I make a payment by 1st of the month, it will be included in the next statement. So the minimum payment comes out between 28th-30th of the month, and I need to make my PAD by 31st/1st of the month and the overpayment will count, and after that my statement will be produced. So as long as I keep making my accumulated monthly PAD after the direct debit has been taken, I'll always be on top of the payments and paying more than my minimum payment. But if I pay anything before the minimum payment is taken, then it just reduces the balance on the minimum payment and that isn't going to help me long term. 

I know it might have seemed obvious to some, but that was really confusing me how it all works, as I'm used to just paying a somewhat unobtainable fixed amount, so I've never paid attention to these things. But I'll keep up with minimum payments and PADding at the end of the month until the holiday is paid off, then I can fix the direct debit again from April 2023. My PADs won't be that great over the coming months as I need to get the money together for the exam fees and my son's 16th birthday in October, but I feel less anxious about it all now.

LittleMissDetermined

Just catching up Keedie after being away with family for a few days after a busy (and spendy) weekend. 

Sorry to read you are still in pain, I will keep my fingers crossed that it eases soon for you.  Your son sounds quite the character, that did make me chuckle! 

Rest up when you need to and take advantage of working from home, especially in this heat! 
LMD x

Keedie

Thanks @LittleMissDetermined for checking in. I'm still in a lot of pain, but trying to keep going and not be too hung up on it all, as I'm already suffering and stress makes me feel worse.

The other day, I was quite frustrated and annoyed as I received a text from the Pain Management clinic cancelling my appointment. So yesterday when I called them, they said it was rejected as I booked an appointment in the spinal surgery clinic. I pointed out that I booked the next available appointment that was on the online calendar after I entered the details of my referral, so that's not my fault if they had available slots for specialist services available as I just saw the date and time and there was no further information. So anyways, they rejected my referral, so now I have to do a new eConsult request for the GP, so that a new referral can be made. I think I'll probably end up with an appointment in November at this rate 😢.

Getting so ill in the last 2 weeks has made me realise that I really do a need car. Trying to get around with no car whilst in so much pain was just downright depressing and overwhelming. And I underestimated how much Uber costs! So now I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I never did take it for that diagnostic test, so I still don't know what's wrong with the car or how much it will cost to fix it. But I need to stop burying my head in the sand about it. I'm running out of time to make a decision about what I'm doing car wise. I'd love to not have that responsibility of running a car, but I can't deny that the convenience when I'm unwell is a godsend. The truth is, I should never have brought a manual car as I struggle to drive it as my knees and left arm ache nowadays, but buying a car is so expensive and stressful, that I can't afford to get an automatic anytime soon. First world problems I guess.

I've barely been able to freelance in the last couple of weeks due to being so burnt out and then getting ill when I was starting to regain some energy. Things are getting financially tense again. I won't be able to front the costs of the exam fees and fix my car, insure it and renew the parking permit by next month. So I definitely need to reorder my finances and I'm glad that I didn't give into the impulse get a loan as both MBNA and Barclaycard are offering me 0% interest money transfers and balance transfers. The Barclaycard one is 2.6% fee and for a longer period so that's the one that I want, as MBNA is 5% fee for 12 months. The Barclaycard money transfer is until February 2024 and the balance transfer is until August 2024. I need to do some number crunching, as I need more time to pay for everything and reduce my monthly payments whilst I catch up with my freelance income shortfall. I need to do my self assessment today so that I can see what my tax bill is, as I'll need to pay that by 31/01/2023 as well. I'm just drowning...

But in brighter news, I received my first payout from Panelbase surveys of £10 and I've put this in the Christmas pot. So I've now got £25/£285 which is 8.77%. I'm also hoping that I'll get enough survey's money to get some Amazon vouchers via Swagbucks for my nieces and nephews to supplement the Christmas fund. I'll only be buying presents for the ones in primary school, the older ones will get money or a gift voucher.

I'm meeting up with some friends and their kids for the day in Cambridge on Sunday and my trusty disabled persons railcard has a bargain train price of £12.85 day return. So that's something to look forward to with a packed lunch and reading my kindle on the train 😁.x

LittleMissDetermined

The issue with the pain clinic is really frustrating and I can't believe you have to go back to getting your referral... when you book next time can you do it over the telephone rather than online? It may remove some of the confusion/problematic system.

I have family in Cambridge and I love it there, I hope you have a wonderful time  
LMD x

AntoMac

That’s very frustrating how you’ve lost your appointment and have to start again Keedie.
These booking methods can be so complicated, sending people round in ever decreasing circles.
Sounds like you’ve got a lot to think about again. Doing without a car does appear to have more downsides than you first thought.
I got the same transfer offer from MBNA. They seem to change them regularly. Sometimes 18 months, sometimes 12. Very up and down.  I’ve got a 24 months 0% with a 3 percent fee offer from Sainsbury’s, which I find too good to turn down. They do come up with consistently good offers so I’m glad I kept the card. 
Cambridge is a lovely City. That’s something nice to look forward to.