The Mental Debt Struggle...

Makingabobor2

Just catching up after being away for a bit. Sounds like your savings are going well. I've also slipped up on tracking spending etc. Its all on the banking app, but my budget book has not been used properly for ages. Will have to get back into that and update it all and then start from the beginning of my new budget period, which is 24th June. My brain hasn't been working lately

Keedie

I find that the tracking really does help me and it opened my eyes to how bad my spending habits have been. But ironically, since I've stopped obsessively tracking, I've been able to spend less. Go figure. I do really love my spreadsheet for tracking expenses, but since I've stopped using it, I've been mainly doing things via pen and paper, so I think a budget book would work for me. I've seen a few but none of them 'fit' the way I do my budget, so I think I'd be better off making my own.

Peer support is so vital @Cherryfudge. And being able to be open and somewhat vulnerable with someone who just understands, does make all the difference. It's been two years since I started going to the bipolar group, and I'm so grateful to past me for being brave and reaching out for what I need. 

I hope your brain fog gets better @Makingabobor2. And yes, it's exciting to see the savings growing.

My doctor's appointment got cancelled and moved to next Saturday, but I am not meant to be in London as I'm meeting my friends in Suffolk on Saturday afternoon. I was going to stay at my sister's in East London on Friday night to break up the journey. So now, I'm not sure about that. I didn't really want to drive the whole way in one day as I'm still recovering from Manchester, but the doctor's appointment is necessary as I need the support.

Cherryfudge

That's so inconvenient about the change of appointment. Either way you miss something that matters to you, unless there's a chance that either your friends can do another week, or that the doctor can find a cancellation on a day you can make it. Are there any options using public transport?

Keedie

I can get the train to my friend's house, but it means that I have to juggle the tube to get to Liverpool Street Station, and that involves a bus and two tube changes or a 10 min walk and two changes. The connection at Bank is also quite long, like being in an airport terminal as there's even a travellator 😳! So all the walking is draining and painful, but driving is painful on my knees, back and hands. Oh, what a life with all these disabled decisions 😂.

As we live in different parts of the country, it's rare that we're all free on the same weekend, and we're meeting up without kids, so that's always a bonus! 😂  I don't need to be in Suffolk until the afternoon, so I might still go to my sister's and leave straight after my appointment, so that I beat the lunchtime rush hour traffic getting out of London. As my sister isn't too far from the M25, so if I've cut the London traffic out of the equation, I only need to worry about it on the way back on the Sunday. But I'll work it out next week when I see how tired I am from working and once we've confirmed our meet up time.

I was very proud of myself today, as I was tired and hungry, but I still cooked dinner and I even went to Lidl to get some food shopping and walked incredibly slowly back home. Our mindset is changing, as even my son was looking in the cupboards to work out dinner, when usually he acts like he can't see anything and pressures me for take away. Slow but steady progress.

KajiKita

The travel arrangements you have to consider all the time sound tiring for anyone to be fair …

Well done of resisting the siren call of the takeaway! 👏😊 That is another new habit you are building ❤️

KK

Makingabobor2

I remember Bank station from our visits to London. We arrive into Euston & on a couple of visits we stayed at Canary Wharf area, so had the long walk at Bank to get the DLR. 

Cherryfudge

This isn't my bit of London (I lived in Wimbledon, then in Southwark, so long ago!) and things will have moved on since I was there (no DLR in those days!) but that doesn't sound like a good journey. I think your idea of going after the appointment is most feasible. Spending time with your friends is such a boost!

Both you and your son are doing amazingly. You will have saved money by not getting a takeaway, and probably eaten more healthily. There may even be a next step to be found. For instance, 'tired and hungry' - would a pack of muesli bars last long enough so you could make sure there's always one in your bag to give you a little boost when you're flagging? - I wonder where that term came from? - or even a banana, if you have something to protect it so it doesn't get wrecked.

Perhaps the two of you could plan together so there are the ingredients for a meal or so always in store? Corned beef hash is good for that - onions could be chopped and in the freezer, a tin of corned beef or frozen slices, a packet of dehydrated mashed potato... all three major food groups catered for in a few minutes.  

I think you're right to be very proud of yourself for getting up and carrying on even though it was struggle. There will be days when you can't do that, but using the ability when you can has paid off.

Hope your day goes well.  

Keedie

I've been a bit AWOL recently as I've been trying to do so many things to sort out my flat as we had a moth infestation that the council came out to fumigate and treat. I kept seeing moths and brought lavendar, moth balls and moth spray and they didn't really go away. And they kept hanging around the kitchen and I thought it was because it's warm in there. But as my clothes weren't all bitten, I was a bit confused.

I was looking online for pest control, as the moths were getting really annoying and it's so expensive so I was going to take it from my emergency fund. But then I found out that the council will provide free pest control as I'm a council tenant so I called them on Wednesday and they came out on Thursday afternoon. Turns out it was Indian Meal Moths, that eat food and not clothes! I ain't never heard of them before and I had no clue moths could eat food and not clothes 😳! The guy said that one either flew in the window or there was larvae in something that I've brought from the supermarket like flour, pasta etc and they hatched 🤢🤮🤢.

Apparently, we're all meant to be inspecting packaging to make sure that there are no holes in the boxes, or plastic, which would be an indication that insects have got in there. Erm, that never occurred to me, but it's made me feel queasy to think about it and my son is suitably horrified. It's just as well I've barely cooked anything in months and we've been surviving on take away due to my pain and mental health.  As these moths can eat through cardboard and plastic to get through to the food. These moths even eat pasta, paprika and chilli powder!

The pest control guy helped me remove all of the food from my cupboards so that he could put the insecticide treatment. Then he put on his scary WW2 massive mask and told me to leave the kitchen and he sprayed the cupboards and we couldn't use the kitchen for 3-4 hours.

On Friday , I had to rewash all my dishes, cutlery and bleach the surfaces and clean the kitchen cupboards to put everything back in place. I ended up having to throw away all of the food in the cupboard and all cereals. I nearly cried as my cupboards were full, and it was 4 bags of food. The guy said that I have to starve them out, as the adults will be roaming for food, and they can get into things that are not stored in glass containers, or tupperware etc, or if the lid is not secure on the container, as it needs to be an airtight seal. So I need to go shopping as I've got hardly any glass or tupperware jars and I dunno how airtight they are. 

It's all made me hella paranoid and made my anxiety sky high as I was already struggling, especially in the run up to Father's Day. But I had no way of telling what they were eating. We didn't really see any for a couple of days and I got excited and went to Lidl and brought some crackers, as I was craving that with some cheese. And when I went in the cupboard to get the crackers, there was two moths attacking the packaging. I was so upset that I had to throw that away as well. But was glad that I'd gotten rid of everything else, even though I took a financial hit and my son said it was "overkill". I wasn't taking any chances, and the fact that they were trying to get my one lone packet of crackers, just shows that they were feasting without me knowing what was going on. And right now they truly are starving as I've seen nothing today. So they've probably died of starvation. Which is kinda cruel to be excited about, but it is what it is. 

And my car needed all 4 wheels to be balanced, which was £31.96 and then it turns out the front alignment was off as well, so that was another £44.99 I wasn't expecting to spend. I can feel the difference in driving though, but still, life has been rather costly recently. It was my nephew's 18th birthday on Saturday, so we went out for a meal and I gave him £30 and a bottle of Prosecco. And it was also Eid yesterday, so filling the kids Eid envelopes was another £100, and I somehow lost/misplaced £20, so that kinda stung. When it rains it pours I guess.

We went to the cemetery yesterday, and I brought a flower pot to put in the planter box at the foot of the grave, and when I took off the plastic, the soil was only bl**dy mouldy, and the flowers all drooped to the side, so they were clearly being held in place by the plastic packaging. I just had to laugh, or I would have cried. But I wedged the plant pot in a little deeper, and the edges of the stone planter box is minimising some of the droop 🤷🏾‍♀️.

I got an email from my son's college today stating that there's a graduation next Thursday 27 June. I was so excited for my son! He's really come a long way, and because the course he is doing is a one year course, he'll graduate this one, and then graduate the 2 year course that he's due to start in September. I get the impression he does not want me to cramp his style at the graduation, as he cringed when I asked him to get me a ticket. At first I was a bit hurt and offended as I've done so much to get him to this point. Then I remembered when I was his age. I would've been mortified if my mum turned up for anything! So I told him to order the ticket, as it's free, and we'll need to secure a space, and I'll book the day off work. But there's no pressure and if he doesn't want me to go, I'll cancel the leave and he can cancel my ticket and he can just go with his friends etc. But it's better to have one as a back up, rather than trying to scramble for one a day or two before and there being none available.

I'm not sure what's going on with my weekend away as my Norfolk friend is ill and can't get to Suffolk as she's too weak to drive. So I'm trying to arrange with Suffolk friend, if we can visit her in Norfolk instead and take her out to lunch. Luckily I've not booked any trains or anything, and I got my wheels sorted as I figured I'd be driving to Suffolk. Hopefully we do get to see one another, but if not, we will need to rearrange for another weekend when she's feeling better. She's usually so healthy, so it's a bit concerning that she's so wiped out 🥺.

beanielou

Bloody hell. I did not realise that there were moths that can eat food.  Eeeek. 

Massive congratulations to your DS. 

Cherryfudge

I'd never heard of Indian Meal Moths so I had to look up a photo of them. I don't mind moths in general but I'd hate to have them invade my food. I know how easy it is to get flour weevils through just one contaminated bag and I'd imagine moths are more mobile than weevils. I don't expect they can get in your fridge though, so maybe some things could be stored in there?

Could you save coffee jars, pasta sauce jars and mayo jars or similar as a moth-proof place to put dry goods? I have a collection of those coffee jars with glass lids, as my Mum used to save them for me, and they are absolutely airtight as well as nice looking.

What a shame about your friend, I hope she feels better soon and you can meet up.

And congratulations to your son - it's been a rocky road and he's done an amazing job of pulling himself round (with more than a little help from you and your Mum ).