The Mental Debt Struggle...

Cherryfudge

Your son's comment made me smile! It's nice to be able to help people, and I can see they're paying you back, but if you are to stop lending, I suggest you tell them now! Now, before they run out of money over Christmas. Now, so there isn't an awkward moment when someone approaches you. 

It's the sort of thing that works better that way.  

Keedie

That's a very good point you've made @cherryfudge and I'll definitely let people know that I'm not in a position to help them. Also, I need to make sure that I don't try to 'rescue' people when I can see them having issues. I end up helping others often to the detriment of myself, so that is definitely a goal that I will be working towards in the future.

I got a response from work to state that my manager needed time to look through all of the queries that I raised and that she would respond in the new year. I couldn't help it, but I had to respond that I wasn't providing new information really as everything was discussed in the sickness absence review meeting that we'd had and that I was simply providing the agreed updates on everything. 

I then got the notes from the meeting, which contained lots of errors and contradictions and didn't paint me in the best light and ommitted what I was actually saying and the context. So I wasn't very happy about that and I've printed off this 3 page letter and made notes on all the bits that I don't agree with or where my point was taken out of context. So now I have to respond to that letter so that it is clear what I was actually saying. I'm so tired of it all. I really am. They're deliberately side-stepping the fact that I was signed off for work related stress and are trying to put all the focus on the fact that I have bipolar 🤬.

It's just so draining dealing with all of this. It really is... 😔.

Keedie

I saw this today whilst looking for a quote for the Payment a Day thread, and it really summed up what I am having to endure with work and the other aspects of life. But as my son would say, "we move". 

Makingabobor2

You definitely are resilient @Keedie. I have a relative, mid 40's who has a few medical conditions which may be similar to some of yours by the sound of it, and she is nothing like you. You could really teach her a thing or two.  I admire how you are getting on with life and actually achieving something and bringing up your son. x

Cherryfudge

It's so stressful - taking it one point at a time is a good plan, as is having everything possible in writing.

My feeling - and I may be seeing something according to my own experience rather than yours - is that employers can gaslight - it sounds like that when they are blaming you rather than taking responsibility for their own part in causing the stress. Both you and I are capable of doing what we were hired to do, but when management lets unreasonable stresses build up, compound, continue... that's their fault not the fault of the employee.

(Cherry jumps off soap box and hands the megaphone over...)

(Picking it up to mutter 'Confirmation bias on the part of management')

PennysIntoPounds

Ooh that letter is a pure gaslight. Paint your nails vixen red, pour a little glass of wine, and do a marvellous 'I think you'll find...' reply with an arched eyebrow while wearing a power outfit 

beanielou

Love love love the resilience quote. 

Sun_Addict

That’s so bad of your workplace 😡

I love the resilience quote too. That is definitely me and you too 😊

Keedie

My blood was really boiling yesterday! But overnight I have had the time to let it simmer. Now I can coherently get my point across. I can see the gaslighting for what it is, but I will not be letting that slide. Not at all. They knew I had bipolar but didn't care about that when I was outperforming my colleagues. Now they're trying to shift everything to my inability to cope with anything because I'm fragile due to the bipolar. They know that they can't even attempt to imply that I am incapable of doing the job in terms of my abilities and knowledge, so they're going for that low hanging fruit.

But the truth is, they're doing me a favour.

It's keeping my eyes completely open to what I am walking back into, and it has actually lit a fire under me to just get my head down and clear my debts to give me options for the next stage of my life. 

So I sent them this holding email yesterday:

Thank you for your email and the letter regarding the sickness absence review meeting held on 30 November 2023. 

I have read through the letter and although I understand that it is not a verbatim account, there are a few things that require further clarification and context regarding what was discussed during that meeting. So I will address this and respond to you both so that you can receive the email when you return in the new year. 

I got a response this morning stating that they were glad that I acknowledged the email (like I've been ignoring others!?!) and that they will await the clarifications in the new year. My manager also tried to respond to my initial email I sent at the beginning of the week stating that she needed time to look at the points I'd raised and as it's nearly Christmas, she will come back to me in the new year. I responded to her email and pointed out that there was nothing really in my email that was new, it was a summary of what we discussed in the meeting and I was providing the updates that I stated I would. It was at that point my colleague realised she'd dropped the ball and hadn't sent the meeting notes and quickly sent her letter to me. I can see her prejudice, as she's painted my incompetent manager as some voice of reason providing compassionate duty of care, in comparison to my unhinged demands. This is why I follow up my discussions with these people in writing and I'm not afraid to challenge their nonsense.

So I've highlighted the parts of the letter that I received yesterday that is either missing the context of a comment I made, only states a part that makes me look bad, or is just straight up inaccurate. I've categorised the objections and will take my time over the coming week to draft a response to each section. They don't like my long emails, but I'm glad that I've got them. As there were parts of that letter that implied I was only just requesting clarification of my duties upon my return to work and being difficult as I "kept repeating" things. But I've saved my email from 27 March 2023 as a PDF, including the response from the Assistant Director which states that they would address the issues and update me. Yet nothing meaningful has happened. And I'll be attaching a copy of that email as part of my response to that silly letter they sent me 🤬🤬🤬.

Anyways, onto money related matters, I've sent the final £40 to the Argos Card and so there's just my son's £360 on there. I've also rounded down all my accounts and sent some money to my debt buster overpayments pot and that now has £75/£250 in there. So I should be able to pay my first lump sum overpayment of 2024 around the end of January/early February 2024. As the money my siblings owe me will go into that pot and I'll put bits in there as well. 

This means that I officially (in my eyes) have just (as if it's small amount) £9,000 debt to repay in 2024. Looking forward to this time next year to see what I've achieved 🤗.

Keedie

Oh after my own soapbox rant above 😉, I forgot to outline my plan of attack to reach my debt free goal by 31 December 2024.

I realised that my £300 a month minimum payment is £3,600, but if I do the minimum payment at £350 then that's £4,200. So I'm going to rework my budget to pay £350 a month instead of £300. I'm still going to keep it at £2,600 as my ideal budget and just put less towards things like Christmas and gifts etc, as I tend to overspend there.

I'm also going to do the 50 envelope challenge as that saves £1,275. This will be accumulated through lots of small savings challenges that when completed will feed into this one. The savings challenge money will come from anything above my normal budget.

I'm selling my car in April/May 2024 once the MOT is done (so whatever it sells for, £750-£1,000 will go towards debt). Once the car related expenses like petrol and car insurance are no longer relevant, that part of the budget will go towards the Debt Buster pot.

My Debt Buster pot for overpayments of £250 at a time, I'm aiming to complete this 6 times throughout the year (so roughly every two months) and that's £1,500. The money that my siblings owe me goes in there (there's a total of £279 left and that's 1/6 already). I'll also pay in any money I get from surveys, cashback, round ups, interest, selling things second hand and any former travel expenses from the budget as aforementioned (£114 a month) etc. 

Once the 50 envelope challenge is done, I'll continue with my savings challenges and I'll be back to freelancing by mid-2024. And that should hopefully take care of the rest.

So that'll be £9,000 hopefully 🤞🏾🤞🏾🤞🏾 wiped out with the following strategy:

• £4,200 minimum payments (£4,800 remaining)
• £1,275 with the 50 Envelope Challenge (£3,525)
• £750 car sale (£2,775 remaining)
• £2,775 savings challenges & side hustles (£0 remaining)

When I look at it like that, it seems like it's more achievable, than thinking of it as one lump sum that I need to get rid of. The main thing is that I stop frivolous spending when I'm not feeling well or lazy, and I stop lending anyone any money and just focus.

I also need to cook more and be healthier so my budget includes gym memberships for me and my son and I'll be going back to swimming and building myself up from there.