The Mental Debt Struggle...

Keedie

Thanks for checking in @AntoMac and @beanielou. The exams are going well and he got a lot of praise from his English teacher who said that he was a pleasure to teach and a 'wonderful human being' and his maths tutor also said that they were so impressed with his dedication and hard work. He's been riding cloud nine ever since he got this kind of feedback. I can really see the difference in his confidence more than anything, and it's so nice to have my son back.

I'm definitely very proud of being under £13k AntoMac, it's really given me the boost that I needed. If I was to look at how up and down my debt free journey has been since 2016, it's been a proper rollercoaster, as I've added to the debt multiple times and so my progress has yo-yoed. It's never surpassed that £33k peak in 2016, as I used my redundancy pay to clear a good chunk of things. But it's definitely been two steps forward and one step back. This last year with an overpriced holiday and school fees just shows how life on a debt free journey isn't a straight one sometimes. I've learnt a lot though, so it's not been bad having setbacks, it's just been very frustrating and stressful at times.

I've been doing some surveys this week, and managed to cash out £8.79 from Qmee and £1.11 from Curious Cats. I've sent the £9 to my Mobile Madness pot which is now a healthy £46.24! I'm quite chuffed by that (just in case it wasn't obvious). That pot should reach £50 by the end of this month. I've set myself a target of £5 a week minimum for surveys, and I'd ideally like to average £7 a week (£1 day). If I can continue that momentum then I'll have Phone A cleared by January 2024 and if it's solely standing orders from now on, then the phone is paid off by July 2024. That would be very exciting. 

I've got to arrange some kind of catch up meeting with my manager apparently to be kept up to date with developments at work. I've no desire to discuss work with them. But my Assistant Director said that I have to keep in contact so that when I am "sufficiently recharged" I can "facilitate a return to work". I don't really get where he's going with the 'recharged' part, as I'm feeling incredibly depressed and basic daily functions feel insurmountable at the moment.

I reckon he thinks I need to just sleep or have some relaxation time. I'm very confused, but maybe I'm just being paranoid. I showed the email he sent me to my friend and she said that he was being caring and supportive. I don't buy it. My gut says otherwise. Especially as his response incongruous with the email that I sent and the supporting letter from the Mental Health Practitioner. Maybe I'm just asking too much from him, not everyone understands mental health and I think he's focussing on the fact that I've been signed off for work related stress, and so he probably thinks that if I'm aware of all of the changes that they're allegedly making, I will suddenly be much better and happy to just skip back to work.

But it's more nuanced than that. If it was 'just' work related stress it would be very helpful to have these conversations, but as I'm really struggling with the bipolar as a result of that stress and pressure, I just feel very raw and vulnerable and I don't want to talk about changes at work. In truth, I feel rather bitter that all requests for help and suggestions for improvement were ignored when I was well and it took me becoming seriously unwell and all of a sudden, change is afoot. Yeah, I'm still bitter...

AntoMac

Sounds like there’s overall there’s more good news than bad for you at the moment Keedie.
Of course that doesn’t make your concerns over work any less valid. Sounds like your HR / manager are doing pretty much a box ticking exercise and following procedures rather than being truly concerned for your welfare.
I would urge you to have an honest and open conversation with them and reiterate how you weren’t listened to when you expressed your difficulties before you became ill, and it took you becoming unwell for them to finally look into addressing it, as it suddenly became their problem rather than your problem.

When exams are done I’m sure that will feel like one great weight lifted. You can see that your son has given it a real good go and appreciates your support so that’s a real plus for you. Also to hear those positive comments about him must be very uplifting for you. You kept going when things were tough and he has responded and done his best, so be proud of that - both you and him.

Keedie

Yes things are more positive than negative @AntoMac, but sometimes it's quite a hard slog. I don't think they're really concerned about me, they just want an indication of when I will be back to work. If they wanted to do a welfare check regularly to see how I'm doing then that would be fine, awkward, but fine. But they were stating that I need to make myself available after "sufficiently recharging" for work related meetings and keeping up with 'developments'.

I will send an email to them and be honest about how I'm feeling. I've no desire to hear about changes that they're making at work now that I'm unable to function and be an overworked workhorse. When I am in a better place, I will have those conversations with them.

Counting down the days to exams being done and we have 21 days until Turkey! I'm so desperate for it to all be over, and we're slowly moving into holiday mode. I need to start making a list of what we need. It's very exciting, but daunting as it's getting hot here and I'm struggling... 🤦🏾‍♀️. But I am very proud of how far we've both come. 

My Mobile Madness pot has hit the £50 mark as it's £50.19 now - yippee. Surveys are a bit slow so not sure what will happen with my £5 target for this week, but I'll keep trying.

Sun_Addict

It will be very hot in Turkey. We went in August and even I thought it was hot and I can tolerate heat. One evening we were on the way out in a taxi and the driver said it’s a bit cooler tonight only 42 degrees 😆

Keedie

Only 42 degrees! 😳

I think I'd cry @Sun_Addict in that heat. I really wasn't in my right frame of mind when I booked this holiday as I don't like sand or beachy holidays and I don't like the heat 🤦🏾‍♀️. Oh how we live and learn 😂. I need to find my (old prescription) sunglasses to see if I can get the lenses updated. My eyes are burning in the heat here, so I dunno how I'm going to cope 😬. But I did buy us handheld fans with rechargeable batteries from Amazon and that was delivered to the post office today whilst he was sitting his exams, so I need to get them tomorrow and test them out.

I found some linen shorts in M&S online and I'll collect them next Friday 23/06/23 and I had a look online at Primark. I used Perks at Work to earn some points by getting an M&S instant e-code and I need to do the same for Primark. That will help to keep me on budget as well. As I'll only spend what is on the gift cards. 

I've been trying to redeem my Clubcard voucher rewards and their app isn't having any of it. I should have been proactive last week. It's probably overloaded right now as the 3x rewards ends tomorrow. Oh I'm so silly at times lol.

LittleMissDetermined

Oooh Keedie thanks for the reminder of the clubcard vouchers, I’d been struggling to do it to but just managed to triple ours up for Zizzi vouchers. 

Keedie

I was dipping in and out of sleep last night but after midnight I think the traffic was lower so the app corrected itself and I was able to triple my vouchers @LittleMissDetermined. I've got 6 months of Disney+ free and some Zizzi vouchers as well. I'm going to still put the money aside for the subscription and when the free period ends and I have to reinstate the subscription, I will have saved enough to do an annual subscription. 

I cashed out £2.76 from Qmee so far this week and sent £0.76 to the Build a Buffer account to earn a pittance of interest and that account now has £49.06 in there. So nearly at 10% of target. I sent the other £2 to Mobile Madness and that's now sitting at £52.19, so my projected date to fully repay Phone A has dropped from July 2024 to June 2024. It's really motivating to see that coming down, just by doing surveys and squirreling away my cashback. 

My round ups account is now £206.25 and that will be automatically transferred to my starter emergency fund on 29 June and I have £290.40 in there already. It means that I won't have to add too much to get the balance to £500 and then I'll be at 50% of my target. As I pay £100 a month in there, it means that I will reach my £1,000 target in November.

But all of that depends on whether or not I drop down to half sick pay. If I do, I'd have to redo the budget completely. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it...

I got the absolute shock of my life when I realised how expensive halls of residence has become at uni. I've seen small little rooms for £120-£225 a week 😳😳😳! Absolutely ludicrous. I don't want to discourage my son from going as he's really determined and that end goal seems to be what is motivating him, but jeez that's expensive. Looks like I'll be doing some envelope savings challenges when the debt is all gone, to start saving to help him get his bits and pieces for uni as he's determined to move out and have that independence. He's definitely gonna have to get a little part time job whilst he's at college. I don't even know if degrees are even worth all that faff in this job market. But to be honest, it was the experience that meant more to me than the actual qualification and I don't want to take that from him.

beanielou

That is cheap for halls!

Keedie

WHAT?! That's daylight robbery. My rent for 2 double bedrooms is £131 a week. But it is a council flat so it's not representative of my area, but still, those halls prices are steep. I shudder to think what people must be paying for halls in big cities or London. Or a Russell Group uni... 😱😱😱.

I really wish I'd been better with money when my son was younger, as I could have had savings to help him out. But I'll see what I can scrape together to help him with his living costs, by getting him things that he'll need to move out, such as bedding, pots and pans etc. When we're back from holiday he will be looking for a job, so he'll need to save some of wages each month to help him out for the next step and to learn how to budget as he blows through his weekly allowance at the moment 🤨.

I found my prescription sunglasses! When I spoke to Specsavers they said the prescription sunglasses start from £69 and I had a look and they were not cute. I can change the lenses on my glasses and that starts at £39. I tried them on and can see alright in them, but that prescription has to be about 6/7 years old so I think it makes sense to update it. I returned an impulse purchase to TK Maxx, for a Michael Kors coat (yeah I don't know who I thought I was when I brought that 😂), so the £69.99 will be making its way back to my account soon. Then I can use that money to buy summery clothes in Primark for the holiday and in general next week.

I forgot that my brother sent me £10 and so that went into my Freely Debt Savings. I've changed the ratio for that savings pot, as I realised that it wasn't as equal as I thought, as it was more leaning towards fun money and savings, than debt. As it was 20% Freedom, 40% Savings and 40% Debt. So I've changed it to £20% Freedom, 30% Savings and 50% Debt. That way, half is for me to spend guilt free (Freedom) and to put aside for my future goal (Savings) and the other half will now go towards debt.

As I have £182.11 in that pot, the balance is £36.42 Freedom, £54.63 Savings and £91.06 Debt. I also gave myself a stretch target of £2,000 instead of £1,000. I dunno if I've mumbled on about that before or not? But I figured there is still half a year to go, and when I am able to return to work, after a while I will be able to freelance a little too, to help with my Debt Free Before Christmas and my Freely Debt Savings targets.

AntoMac

I guess your son would get a student loan Keedie? Both of my cousin’s kids have got them and  don’t seem in the least bit bothered. I’m not sure what the earnings limit is before they start paying back. Something like £30k pa I think?
Try not to beat yourself up for past financial mistakes. Most of us could have done MUCH better with hindsight. As of NOW you’re doing things properly.
I was thinking what kind of person would be daft enough to leave sorting out their Clubcard vouchers till the last minute. Of course, it’s people like you… and LMD….. and ME!!!!! Not to mention several thousand others judging by the amount of faff it took to get logged in 🤭
We got cafe Rouge with ours. We can’t use Zizi in the Bath branch 🙄 First World problems eh! 

Maybe try and get your son to put aside some savings each time he gets paid once he gets a job. Much easier said than done I know.