The Mental Debt Struggle...

Sarahwithlove

I only have the one current account with chase and a saver that doesn't have a card. I know there is option of rounding up payments, I have been thinking I might use this one as its effectively a save the change and suprising how quick it adds up. i have found that with my 1% cash back. Starling is very much like monzo and would be good for that perspective but if you are like me and love a good spreadsheet you could manage your pots through that. It may be good to have them separate to your spends though as you dont want to be dipping into pots for other things and having to owe it back as that doesnt help with the budgeting situation. 

Keedie

Yes you're right, dipping into the pots has been the kiss of death for my money management skills, so I'm looking forward to having the separate accounts. I think it's my best chance of success at sticking to a budget. I'll do the current account with Chase definitely, and then once I'm in a position to start saving properly, manage that with Starling.

Round ups are great! That's what my emergency fund is mainly made up of, plus a £25 a month transfer. If you're spending with Chase, you might as well get the round ups as they're paying 5% on that. And you'd be surprised how much the odd bit of change can add up to and after a while, you get used to spending in whole numbers.

LittleMissDetermined

I’ve recently activated the round ups on my Monzo account and it’s amazing how much it adds up. Mine is being sent to my ‘sealed pot’ pot. It also keeps my main account balance really tidy too so it’s a win/win 😊 

Keedie

Yes, the tidy balance makes me really happy! It really does add up fairly quickly with no effort. My pot is also sealed and earns interest. When you created your sealed pot @LittleMissDetermined did  you select the 'earn interest on your money' option (the icon with the two leaves)? As that still gives you a pot that you can lock and send round ups to, but it earns different levels of interest depending on whether it's an easy access pot, fixed for a period of time or the amount that you initially put in the pot. 

I've got an easy access saver pot that's sealed until next year at 1.02%, and then when once my EF has reached my target of £1,000 I'll close the pot and then set up a longer term savings pot at double the interest rate. 

LittleMissDetermined

It’s not a Monzo sealed pot. It’s just a pot I use for my sealed pot challenge money x

Keedie

Oh I see, I've locked my pots as I don't trust myself not to dip into them 

Keedie

It's Day 2 of my son's online schooling and I'm already pulling my hair out! 

I've caught him sleeping twice, playing on the play station longer than his break allows and he's just told me "I don't know if I can be doing this for a whole year..." I've had to grit my teeth and put on my encouraging mummy voice, because he's trying to give up at the first hurdle because it's hard to adapt to a new way of learning. But the part me that always feels like a crap mother, shed some internal tears as I'm starting to feel like I'm just doing everything wrong! 

I've told him that we'll do a side by side comparison of the curriculum and I'll ask his teachers what he should focus on over the summer to catch up. And he seemed to feel a bit better about it. And I told him that he's been through hell and back in the last 5 weeks, but he's still going and he needs to remember that this time next year he'll be finishing up his GCSEs and we'll be getting ready to go to Turkey for our all inclusive holiday. 

He's not made the most sensible choices in friends, nor his own behaviour, which has led him to be in the position that he's in, and so I didn't send him to an environment where he'll be at further risk (pupil referral unit). And I didn't let him know that a different 14-19 college for elective home education children, offered him an assessment to possibly start Year 11 in September, as I could see that he was finally accepting that he was going to be at home learning.

But now, my anxiety is making me question if I did the right thing??? Even though in my heart, I know that he's too socially and mentally vulnerable to commute a fair distance from home to go to a college in an area that has elements postcode crime (like most of London), even if he learns better through face to face interaction. Either way, I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight  .

LittleMissDetermined

Oh Keedie, I really feel for you. It must be a really hard position to be in. 

Keedie said:

He's not made the most sensible choices in friends, nor his own behaviour, which has led him to be in the position that he's in, and so I didn't send him to an environment where he'll be at further risk (pupil referral unit). And I didn't let him know that a different 14-19 college for elective home education children, offered him an assessment to possibly start Year 11 in September, as I could see that he was finally accepting that he was going to be at home learning.

This is not a situation that you have created, and you are doing everything you can to try and give the best chance for your son's future.  Does he know the sacrifices you are making to be able to pay for this opportunity for him?  Sometimes it needs to be spelled out in black and white.  Harsh as that may sound...

Could you use the holiday as an incentive and say that unless he gets his head down you will cancel it? May be an empty threat but if the reward is for getting his GCSEs then he has to put the work in doesn't he?

From what you've posted so far, you seem to be a great mom so please don't beat yourself up about this.  Talk it out and get him to understand where you're at and why it's so important. 

LMD x

abaka

You've actually inspired me!!  I now have an emergency fund of £10.81

I have renamed my Halifax Save The Change Account to be my EF - My plan is to let the change build up....Usually around £10-20 a month, I will eventually add to this when I've cleared a bit more of my debt....We have sufficient savings in our joint account which will cover anything to do with house/car so there's no real need for me to have an EF but I think it will be handy to have!!!

Keedie

LittleMissDetermined said:

This is not a situation that you have created, and you are doing everything you can to try and give the best chance for your son's future.  Does he know the sacrifices you are making to be able to pay for this opportunity for him?  Sometimes it needs to be spelled out in black and white.  Harsh as that may sound...

I think you're right LMD. I'll give him a few more days to monitor him settling in and see if his attitude adjusts so that I can approach the conversation and meet him at a point where I'm not tempted to scream at him! So, at the end of this week I will sit down with him and lay it all out because he seems to think he has the luxury of moaning about the fact that he has so many lessons a week as they're shorter than what he's used to (40 mins vs 80 mins). But he has lots of breaks, and doesn't even start school until 10:50 on a Friday!

I'll have done my budget before I get paid on Friday, so I will be very honest with him, without giving him more information than he needs to know, so that he doesn't get stressed. As at the moment he doesn't seem to understand that I'm literally working to the bone and juggling 2 jobs whilst I'm not physically or mentally well, so that he has a future and opportunities moving forward. 

With holiday, I've already told a couple of him to focus on how good it will feel if he's worked hard for it. But if he's not doing what he should be doing, I'll be going without him and taking someone instead or just going by myself and having a break as I'm not missing out. He looked a little scared and affronted, but after that he wasn't so moody and ungrateful about the limited dinner options he had. I think he needs to be reminded of the holiday as an incentive and that it can be taken away.

I've also told his dad that he needs to handle all of his football subs, tracksuits and sporting stuff that he needs, as I'm at my financial limit and he said he can give £20 a week. So at least that will be one less thing for me to have to worry about. It won't cover it all, but I can remove it from my budget. As I'm trying to push him with his football so that he gets out of the house, is exercising and socialising in a constructive way. But it's not cheap. And I still have a long hour's drive on a Monday evening to take him to a football development centre, so with petrol as it is, everything is adding up.

Thank you for your kind words in terms of me as a mum, I'm really trying but I constantly feel like I'm doing everything wrong. But I'll definitely have a heart to heart with him, and I think if we do another target contract of what we're both going to work towards it'll help him to know what's expected of him and it'll be measurable so that he can feel like he's making progress. As I think some of his attitude (hopefully) is him being overwhelmed.