My 31 year old daughter has a terminal brain tumour.

sheramber

Un fortunately, rescues have been inundated with dogs that were acquired during lockdown but now people are back to work it is not working.

What type pf dogs are they? 

TBagpuss

I'm so sorry, this must be incredibly hard.

Mihght it be possible to find a local person willing to fosterthe dogs? This would enable your daughter and her childnre to still see them, and would allow you more time to planfor what happens later on.
You could look into local pet sitters to see whether there are any that care for dogs in their own home, although of course a lot depends on whether and how much you can afford to pay. 

As mentioned above, it's ital that your daughter makes an up to date will and powers of a ttorney - particuarly given the nature of her cancer she may losr mental capacity and they will allow you (orwhomever she picks) to look after her fiancanes and make decisons on her behalf if she's unable to do so, and a POA would also mena that you (or whoever she picks) is able to deal with bills etc on her behalf is she is simply unwell or too tired to do so.

You may be abke tio heko her makle an expedited application for a blue badge and for disbility related benefits (see  https://www.gov.uk/terminal-illness-benefits) to help with added costs .

One hge and difficult question is what arrangements she want s to make for her childnre. Is their dad invovled? Even if he isn't, he will still have Parental Responsibility for them if she was married to him or if his name is on their birth certificates, which means that the default would be that he is the person who would decide where they live etc after she passes. If that isn't what she wants then she needs to get some advice, and if at all possible discuss plans with him, sooner rather than later 9if she would not want hem to live withhiim, and he is likely to contenst that, she may also want to consider amending her will to provide funds to enable her preferred carers to cover court costs, if that becomes necessary) 

https://www.childbereavementuk.org/ may be a useful starting point to help support the children - they have some resources about talking to and supporting childnre who hve a family member with a terminal illness, and a helpline, and their website has details of other support services 

Macmillan, and Marie Curie are also both very good for support around cancer and end of life care.  I think for Marie Curie care the referral hs to be made via the GP or district nurse, although you can access the help line directly. 

I would also suggest that you try to find suport services for carers - you are obviously doing eveything you can to support your dauighter and grandchildren, that is, and will continue to be, very hard, so make space to find help and support for yourselves as well, so that you have epeople you can speak to, and support in your grieving, and practical support too - caring for your daughter, and dealing with the motional stress, will be exhausting, be kind to yourslves, accept help f it is offered, and ask for it if you need it.

Suffolksue

My grandchildren were 5 and 3 when my daughter was diagnosed.They were 7 and 5 when she died ,They are now 19 (at university) and 17 (doing A levels) 
my thoughts are with you ,us Mums have to put our grief on hold and cope with the practicalities .

I think the Christie has aMaggies centre attached ,Also the sooner there is hospice involvement the better ,they will be good for emotional support for the children afterwards and you all now.

I wish you all the strength possible, we are not programmed to bury our children .
get /ask for all the help available 

strawb_shortcake

Sorry you are having to go through this as a family. I don't know how people get through something so difficult.

We lost a family member last year to a brain tumour, she left behind a young adult daughter. Before she died she bought a puppy for her Daughter, this has really helped to provide a focus and give the Daughter a reason to get up every morning.
I understand the need to rehome the dogs now, but in time (and if possible) the dogs may help your grandchildren with their grief? 

[Deleted User]

I'm so so sorry to read this. I can't imagine how you are feeling.

I have just watched our next door neighbours go through a similar situation and the lovely lady passed about a month ago. They had two young boys (about 6 & 4 I think) and they also had a dog that they have since rehomed.

I know they were struggling to find a place for the dog before she passed but I think they sorted it via Facebook in the end and managed to find a suitable match. I wondered if it may have helped the boys to still have the dog after they lost their Mum but actually I think it's seemed to be best. The boys have bounced back amazingly (children always seem to deal with grief so much better than adults) and their Dad is doing lots with them / taking them out and about and lots of classes etc that would have been difficult with the dog.

From watching their situation the past few months and after her passing it seems to have just been about lots and lots of support. Grandparents have been there a lot both before and after and providing a new normal for the boys.

I don't think there's any right way to do anything. Just a step at a time and a day at a time.

Sending all of my love to you all x

Savvy_Sue

Following a similar diagnosis in the family, although not quite so close to home, we've had https://www.thebraintumourcharity.org/ recommended. Also the hospital say they have made a referral to community palliative care, although it's been a few weeks and I've not heard that's happened yet, so I'll be asking questions about that very soon. 

Re: the dogs, I'd put the word out among local vets, and through the local dog walking community. With the vets, there may be someone who's not long lost a dog actively wanting another, or they may know people who will offer fostering. Another place might be NextDoor if you're members of that - as with Facebook you need to tread carefully, but it can be useful. 

Just want to extend warmest wishes. 

gettingtheresometime

I'm so sorry to hear this. 

Is there a rehoming charity that specifically deals with the breed of dog? When we wanted a specific breed we only looked at a breed specific charity and when subsequently I had to rehome the dog, I contacted the same charity.

sheramber

If rehoming outside a reputable rescue please be very careful.

Dogs are acquired for dog fighting by unscrupulous people who will say anything and sound convincing. They will show a lovely family hime when in reality is the dog will be  be kept in undesirable conditions.

If you tell us the breed  someone may be able to give some help or advice.

middlesis

Thank you all for your replies, and for the good advice you have offered - I have taken on board all the replies - it,s hard to talk about making wills and POA,s for someone so young, but I know it is necessary.

We took the children to the seaside for the weekend with their cousin. We had a fantastic time. 

The children have different dads, both moved on with their lives and have younger children with new partners. One is ok and will probably step up when the time comes. The other is a mummy,s boy who flits from job to job/girlfriend to girlfriend and had 2 more children within 3 years of walking out on my daughter and his son. 

My daughter is determined that the children should stay together, after all, it,s all they,ve known.Throw in the mix her current boyfriend ( the owner of the dogs, who is determined to keep them - the dogs that is).  They are very large dogs, an XL bull and a huge great black thing whose breed I cant remember.

Sorry I,m rambling on a bit now. It,s hard to get things in the right order at the mo.

I do appreciate all your help though. 

Savvy_Sue

Can I just say that finding the right outside support seems to me absolutely crucial. I may have said we were facing something similar, not as awful because the person in question has reached a ripe old age but still difficult.

There has been a delay in making contact with the palliative care team, so when symptoms started to become problematic I contacted the hospital we'd heard the diagnosis from. The nurse there has sprung into action, making an immediate and urgent referral and asking the GP to immediately prescribe an increase in some medication which should relieve symptoms etc. 

The advice from the hospital is to address all concerns to the palliative care team - increased symptoms, new symptoms, worries and concerns - but when we were still waiting to hear from them it was very difficult. I hope that the GP is able to respond promptly, but it's a relief to know that we have an ally who is responsive if that proves not to be the case!

An ally, that's what I've felt in need of over the weekend.