I need to leave

Caseyface

Hi, I'm not sure why I'm posting this, I think I need some moral support.

I need to leave. There's too much to go into but I've got 2 children and I've put up with all this going on for about 14 years. Been together 15 years this year. 

I've asked my mum to sort a bed out and a cot, there isn't much room but we need to go and without alerting him we are going.

I feel sick. I don't feel strong enough but I can't cope much longer and my 2 children mean everything to me. 

Pollycat

So sorry to hear you are in this position.

This link may give you support, there's a forum on there:
I need help - information and support on domestic abuse (womensaid.org.uk)

Caseyface

Thanks Pollycat.

I've never left before.

It's now or never.

sammyjammy

Keep posting here if it helps, it doesn't matter what you say, have a rant, ask about financial help or whatever you need, there are plenty of people here that have experienced difficulties and come out the other side.

Take care of yourself and your children, that's all that matters.

Before you go think about what kind of paperwork you'll need, if you can't take it then photograph it on your phone.

Pollycat

I agree with sammyjammy.
Carry on posting here if you feel more comfortable (I didn't mean it to sound like you should move over to the Women's Aid forum, just that there will be lots of people who've been in the same situation as you and come out the other side on there).

Sending hugs.

Caseyface

Pollycat said:

I agree with sammyjammy.
Carry on posting here if you feel more comfortable (I didn't mean it to sound like you should move over to the Women's Aid forum, just that there will be lots of people who've been in the same situation as you and come out the other side on there).

Sending hugs.

I didn't think you meant that ☺️ thanks for replying x

74jax

I was in a DV relationship and MSE helped me tremendously. Years after I'd still pop a note on here, just to clear my head and brain dump. Sometimes just ramblings but everyone on here just listened to me, with no connection to me.
I don't know your circumstances but if you are leaving a computer, clear your browsing history and delete all saved passwords.
Clothes etc can be replaced, but if you can move some little and often it will help in the short term. 
Get together passport's, birth certificates, banking documents. These can be invaluable in setting up new accounts and moving forward.
If you are working let reception know you are not taking any communication from (insert name).
Women's aid and police were both so good to me. 
Keep posting and keep focusing on the future, 1 day from now may not seem a lot but its 24hrs that you took your life back. 

SusieT

Firstly I am so sorry you are in this position, but from the experience of helping someone leave could I please suggest a few things to very carefully and quietly do before you actually walk out of the door?
1, remove birth certificates, passports, bank details, house details (if it is owned), savings/stocks/shares/pension details if there are any etc
2, remove photographs and sentimental value items (not anything that would be obvious or missed but tidying things will often hide the fact that a small object has gone), save things to a usb stick if they are on a laptop. If there is a laptop save all possible documents onto a usb stick - saving all is faster and you can go through them later to see if any are needed.
3, start taking extra clothes (wear 2 or more pairs of underwear/socks and an extra top when you go out, only return wearing the top that will have been seen when you return) and toys to your mothers house, or to work if your employer is agreeable, or to a trusted friend. 
4, start to squirrel away little bits of cash, yes you are going to your mother, but it will feel better to have some of your own hidden away. 
5, if you feel that your partner/spouse may follow you, tell the police local to your mother what is going on, they can then respond accordingly if you make reports to them rather than think it is "only" a domestic that is low priority if staffing levels are stretched for some reason.

Good luck, I hope you get through it safely.

Caseyface

Hello commenters

Just to let you know I'm still here another year on.  

However some things I have done in recent weeks which I have never done before is sought help from a DV charity local to me. I have been assigned a case worker and she has been helping via email.
I have started looking at housing options.

I've come here tonight just for some support. I know I am doing the right thing but it's so hard. He's threatening suicide. I know it probably is just a threat and it is another manipulation tactic but the thought of going through that on top of it all makes it even more difficult. He is generally a very vulnerable person. I know he's not my responsibility nor are his actions but it's making it worse.

I don't know why I'm saying it all. I'm so close yet feel so far.

Mojisola

Caseyface said:

I don't know why I'm saying it all. I'm so close yet feel so far.

That's not an unusual reaction - suddenly, it all starts to seem real while before it was just thoughts and possibilities.

Stay strong - some people find this the very hardest part.

It can help to look to six months or a year ahead and imagine how much better life will be by then.

Caseyface

[Quoted post removed by Forum Team]

Have you read the thread? I am more than supportive and have been over the years.

I think the fact I have said it is difficult to leave when he is threatening suicide shows that as well. If I didn't care then I would just go wouldn't I.