Ex Partner Remained in Our Home and is Wrecking It. 10 May 2022 at 4:55PM in Marriage, relationships & families 37 replies 3.6K views

DE_612183

summerfields said:

I had the EA look at it a year after I left, it was very much a buyers market then and it had been badly neglected for a year. He had a lodger so double the mess. 

The house is an absolute shithole, I don't know how you define 'neglect' but it is more than cosmetic - imagine if you'd done nothing, no redecoration, no repairs, to your own house for 7 years! There is a gigantic chunk of the ridge tiles missing, he doesn't appear to even be interested. Every fence in the garden has now fallen down - the garden is huge. The trees at the back are conifers and have grown to enormous heights. This stuff is expensive to remedy.

IT was our 2nd home, so we put £120K towards it, and yes, I had been paying the mortgage(s) since 2003, it always came from my account, half and half every month, he gave me cash. 

I'm getting confused - you paid a mortgage from 2003, but you said previously you only moved in in 2007?
You then moved out in 2015 and the property was worth a lot less by then?

I presume what you are saying is your first house generated the £120k equity for the new house?

So up to 2015 you had both paid half of the mortgage, and since then ( 7 years ) he has paid the whole mortgage?

If there is only £25k left on the mortgage I would suggest that he has probably contributed to a larger share of the equity so if you get 50/50 that could be considered a  good outcome.

Have other house sold ( and when I say say don't look at listing prices look at rightmove sold prices ) the same spec as yours to see what it could go for - if there is say a difference of £40k between an EA valuation and a previous selling price, that might be encouragement enough to get the work done if the house is being sold.

summerfields

New Gf isn't exactly rushing to move in, or ask him to move in with her! Don't blame the woman, at least she's a bit of sense.

I might be getting a little bit of an inheritance from an uncle who died earlier this year, and my mum wants to give me some money at some point - not sure, but if I did, he might take about £30K to resettle somewhere else, I will suggest it. 

He is not short of money himself - he inherited £30K from his own uncle a couple of years ago, which he seems to have spent on motorbikes, TVs and electric bicycles while he continues to pay a mortgage and the house collapses round his ears.

He's an idiot basically and his new laydee has my sympathy.

DE_612183

summerfields said:

New Gf isn't exactly rushing to move in, or ask him to move in with her! Don't blame the woman, at least she's a bit of sense.

I might be getting a little bit of an inheritance from an uncle who died earlier this year, and my mum wants to give me some money at some point - not sure, but if I did, he might take about £30K to resettle somewhere else, I will suggest it. 

He is not short of money himself - he inherited £30K from his own uncle a couple of years ago, which he seems to have spent on motorbikes, TVs and electric bicycles while he continues to pay a mortgage and the house collapses round his ears.

He's an idiot basically and his new laydee has my sympathy.

when you go for final financial split all assets are taken into account - including inheritance

ZaSa1418

DE_612183 said:

summerfields said:

New Gf isn't exactly rushing to move in, or ask him to move in with her! Don't blame the woman, at least she's a bit of sense.

I might be getting a little bit of an inheritance from an uncle who died earlier this year, and my mum wants to give me some money at some point - not sure, but if I did, he might take about £30K to resettle somewhere else, I will suggest it. 

He is not short of money himself - he inherited £30K from his own uncle a couple of years ago, which he seems to have spent on motorbikes, TVs and electric bicycles while he continues to pay a mortgage and the house collapses round his ears.

He's an idiot basically and his new laydee has my sympathy.

when you go for final financial split all assets are taken into account - including inheritance

Why would inheritance be taken into account?

RAS

DE_612183 said:

when you go for final financial split all assets are taken into account - including inheritance

If the OP and ex were married, that would be relevant. At present they have one joint asset, to which they are each entitled to `50% unless there is a deed of trust indicating otherwise.

Regardless of who paid what, when and who lives there.

Twixty3

summerfields said:

New Gf isn't exactly rushing to move in, or ask him to move in with her! Don't blame the woman, at least she's a bit of sense.

I might be getting a little bit of an inheritance from an uncle who died earlier this year, and my mum wants to give me some money at some point - not sure, but if I did, he might take about £30K to resettle somewhere else, I will suggest it. 

He is not short of money himself - he inherited £30K from his own uncle a couple of years ago, which he seems to have spent on motorbikes, TVs and electric bicycles while he continues to pay a mortgage and the house collapses round his ears.

He's an idiot basically and his new laydee has my sympathy.

You expect him to accept £30k to ‘resettle’ for his share of a house worth £300k ish with a  £25K mortgage  ?

That is not on.  Move closer to something more fair. 

Maybe he is quite happy where he is tinkering with his bikes and gadgets and with  a new girlfriend to boot whilst you are seething in the background.  

Somehow , someway,  something  has to be done and some  meeting somewhere close to the middle  may help.  Otherwise, I can’t see this being sorted any time soon. 

tightauldgit

Twixty3 said:

summerfields said:

New Gf isn't exactly rushing to move in, or ask him to move in with her! Don't blame the woman, at least she's a bit of sense.

I might be getting a little bit of an inheritance from an uncle who died earlier this year, and my mum wants to give me some money at some point - not sure, but if I did, he might take about £30K to resettle somewhere else, I will suggest it. 

He is not short of money himself - he inherited £30K from his own uncle a couple of years ago, which he seems to have spent on motorbikes, TVs and electric bicycles while he continues to pay a mortgage and the house collapses round his ears.

He's an idiot basically and his new laydee has my sympathy.

You expect him to accept £30k to ‘resettle’ for his share of a house worth £300k ish with a  £25K mortgage  ?

That is not on.  Move closer to something more fair. 

Maybe he is quite happy where he is tinkering with his bikes and gadgets and with  a new girlfriend to boot whilst you are seething in the background.  

Somehow , someway,  something  has to be done and some  meeting somewhere close to the middle  may help.  Otherwise, I can’t see this being sorted any time soon. 

The poster said in her post the value of the house now is potentially £130k in pristine condition (though I admit I'm a bit confused about the financials as they've been stated) so what would a 'sensible' offer look like? 

If an EA was to value it at say £110-120k in the current state then deduct costs of sales etc and then pay off the outstanding mortgage and the early redemption you MIGHT be talking about splitting £75-85k? At some unspecified point in the future and having had to incur legal costs for both parties to achieve the sale. 

£30k probably is on the low side but it's not crazy low. £40k might be seen as fairer. 

Of course the issue with settlements like this is that it needs to be something both parties are interested in doing and it's not always just purely about the money. My ex-wife went through courts for more than 2 years to get a court ordered settlement that was less than what i had offered her to settle at the beginning of the whole process. If ex just isn't interested in playing ball then it's just going to have to go to court.

Twixty3

tightauldgit said:

Twixty3 said:

summerfields said:

New Gf isn't exactly rushing to move in, or ask him to move in with her! Don't blame the woman, at least she's a bit of sense.

I might be getting a little bit of an inheritance from an uncle who died earlier this year, and my mum wants to give me some money at some point - not sure, but if I did, he might take about £30K to resettle somewhere else, I will suggest it. 

He is not short of money himself - he inherited £30K from his own uncle a couple of years ago, which he seems to have spent on motorbikes, TVs and electric bicycles while he continues to pay a mortgage and the house collapses round his ears.

He's an idiot basically and his new laydee has my sympathy.

You expect him to accept £30k to ‘resettle’ for his share of a house worth £300k ish with a  £25K mortgage  ?

That is not on.  Move closer to something more fair. 

Maybe he is quite happy where he is tinkering with his bikes and gadgets and with  a new girlfriend to boot whilst you are seething in the background.  

Somehow , someway,  something  has to be done and some  meeting somewhere close to the middle  may help.  Otherwise, I can’t see this being sorted any time soon. 

The poster said in her post the value of the house now is potentially £130k in pristine condition (though I admit I'm a bit confused about the financials as they've been stated) so what would a 'sensible' offer look like? 

If an EA was to value it at say £110-120k in the current state then deduct costs of sales etc and then pay off the outstanding mortgage and the early redemption you MIGHT be talking about splitting £75-85k? At some unspecified point in the future and having had to incur legal costs for both parties to achieve the sale. 

£30k probably is on the low side but it's not crazy low. £40k might be seen as fairer. 

Of course the issue with settlements like this is that it needs to be something both parties are interested in doing and it's not always just purely about the money. My ex-wife went through courts for more than 2 years to get a court ordered settlement that was less than what i had offered her to settle at the beginning of the whole process. If ex just isn't interested in playing ball then it's just going to have to go to court.

You are quite right . Whoops! Must have got it from a whole other non related thread somewhere.  I must pay more attention! 

A buyout would  be the best and quickest way to end all this.   

summerfields

That's what I thought @tightauldgit. About £30k given that it needs an absolute packet spent on it, either by me or a new buyer. I started to price it today and scared myself - apparently it is £500 to remove a large conifer and there are ten. They look as if they are dying and are quite close to a building behind so they would need to go ASAP. The heating system at the house is v old, about 23 yrs old so that's another cost for a buyer.

Bottom line is, if I'd stayed in the house I would have invested in it and it would have been worth more ,closer to our original purchase price, and that's why I'm so cross. 

All of the people here who say he's just 'happy and tinkering with his bikes' - there's a vast difference between that and completely letting go of the upkeep of a house in shared ownership, which was entrusted to him in good faith. 

lincroft1710

summerfields said:

That's what I thought @tightauldgit. About £30k given that it needs an absolute packet spent on it, either by me or a new buyer. I started to price it today and scared myself - apparently it is £500 to remove a large conifer and there are ten. They look as if they are dying and are quite close to a building behind so they would need to go ASAP. The heating system at the house is v old, about 23 yrs old so that's another cost for a buyer.

Bottom line is, if I'd stayed in the house I would have invested in it and it would have been worth more ,closer to our original purchase price, and that's why I'm so cross. 

All of the people here who say he's just 'happy and tinkering with his bikes' - there's a vast difference between that and completely letting go of the upkeep of a house in shared ownership, which was entrusted to him in good faith. 

So when you left the CH system was 16 years old and probably needed replacing before then.