Is it fair that I pay extra tax that has nothing to do with me.

74jax

My husband is leaving a considerable amount to his nephews, from money he had before we got together 18 odd years ago. It doesn't matter to me as I know what we have now is split {I find it strange as he's not close to them /doesn't see them} but he feels he still wants too. 

My husband is still committed to our marriage and I have never felt 'left out'. How is your partner in other areas, do you share everything else? 

Malthusian

Last year as  we were about to purchase a house (that ultimately fell though), we found out that because he owns a flat abroad (where he is from)  which he rents out ,that we are looking at a MASSIVE stamp duty bill of more than 20k;  so anything we buy now will likely be our permanent home until retirement which has put even more pressure  and stress on us finding a place we can both live with. 

Unless you fall out and sell the house to go your separate ways. In which case you will have spent £10k each just to make yourselves miserable.

There isn't a single positive that I can see to this plan of buying a house that neither of you like. "Getting on the housing ladder" doesn't count as you could invest the money until you found a house you both liked.

You are not "permanent renters". If you can buy a house now you will still be able to buy one in the future. Even leaving aside the option of selling the foreign property in order to buy here.

In the past when we have talked about what to do with potential assets should one of us should die, he has  always been very clear that he would leave any joint UK  based  assets to me, but his property abroad would be left  to his family as it has nothing to do with me.

Is the house going to be owned as "joint tenants" or "tenants in common"? Have you seen his current UK Will?

Any assets held as "joint tenants", which usually includes joint bank accounts, joint investment accounts, etc, automatically pass to the survivor on death - you don't need to "leave them" to the other. With assets held as tenants in common, each person's share is part of their estate and distributed as per the Will.

Will there be an Inheritance Tax bill on his death and who would pay it?

Emmia

You buying alone also potentially qualifies for stamp duty relief, if you buy with him you won't as he's not a first time buyer. 

The fact he owns a flat pushes you into additional costs is the way the tax system works - it could be both fair (as it penalises those with more cash) and unfair in the way it affects you personally.

silvercar

I’d be outraged. If he had a child from a previous relationship I’d understand, but to be in a long term relationship with you and be leaving his property to a relative who he doesn’t know very well is out of order.

pxxls51

in general, when I hear her/his/their money... I;m shoked, because people, you live as a family alltogether and work and bring money in your house. they are YOURS.(

sheramber

pxxls51 said:

in general, when I hear her/his/their money... I;m shoked, because people, you live as a family alltogether and work and bring money in your house. they are YOURS.(

That seems to be a old fashioned view noeadays

Pollycat

sheramber said:

pxxls51 said:

in general, when I hear her/his/their money... I;m shoked, because people, you live as a family alltogether and work and bring money in your house. they are YOURS.(

That seems to be a old fashioned view noeadays

It may well be.
But it's worked for us for the last 30+ years.
It's really not a 'one size fits all'.

It's what works for you.

MalMonroe

Zambonis said:

My partner (of 20-odd years) and I have been looking for a few years to buy our own place, we have REALLY struggled to agree on what we want and now because we have  not been able to get on the same page for so long we have very little options ,as prices have increased so much faster than we could save and we are almost  priced out of the market completely.
Last year as  we were about to purchase a house (that ultimately fell though), we found out that because he owns a flat abroad (where he is from)  which he rents out ,that we are looking at a MASSIVE stamp duty bill of more than 20k;  so anything we buy now will likely be our permanent home until retirement which has put even more pressure  and stress on us finding a place we can both live with. 

He believes that we should split the stamp duty equally, even though the increased amount is due to his assets (i am a first time buyer), reluctantly I have agreed because ultimately we are a couple and I want to move forward.
  
In the past when we have talked about what to do with potential assets should one of us should die, he has  always been very clear that he would leave any joint UK  based  assets to me, but his property abroad would be left  to his family as it has nothing to do with me. This has upset me as we are a couple who have been together a  very long time and if it were reversed I would want to know that he was  taken care of, but also his family is quite well off and don't need the money. However ultimately it is indeed his decision so I have not made a big deal of it.

But now that we are likely going to have to buy something neither of us are thrilled by just to avoid being permanent renters,  it is indeed aggravating me now more than ever that I am expected to pay this  extra amount  as I really don't think he would do the same for me if the situation was reversed. 

I would really welcome advice.

Why can't he sell his flat? Flats can be sold with tenants in situ. Being a landlord from a distance must be a bit of a pain. If he sells the flat, he'll have more money to invest in a property with you, jointly. I don't understand why he has hung on to it for so long, anyway. Seems like nothing but a big millstone round his neck.

Your relationship seems very one-sided, with him being in charge. It wouldn't do for me. Once I was married for 22 years but then my marriage collapsed. Take it from me, being in a long term relationship is no indicator of happiness.

Isn't it high time you started to think more about yourself? What do you REALLY want? From your post you sound disgruntled and also you are on this forum, asking a bunch of strangers for advice. That is never a good sign, if you can't sit down with your partner and discuss things with him. Tell him this - "his property abroad would be left  to his family as it has nothing to do with me. This has upset me as we are a couple who have been together a  very long time and if it were reversed I would want to know that he was  taken care of".  The part in bold would be far more upsetting to me than not being included in any financial benefits. 'Nothing to do with you' - after 20 years? 

Are you happy with your partner? Obviously, none of us can really advise you because it's your life but we can give our opinions. And that's all they are, opinions to perhaps give you some food for thought. 

I wish you all the best, whatever you decide to do. 

sheramber

Pollycat said:

sheramber said:

pxxls51 said:

in general, when I hear her/his/their money... I;m shoked, because people, you live as a family alltogether and work and bring money in your house. they are YOURS.(

That seems to be a old fashioned view noeadays

It may well be.
But it's worked for us for the last 30+ years.
It's really not a 'one size fits all'.

It's what works for you.

It worked for us for over 50 yers. There wa no his or hers. It ws all ours.

But the younger generation  don't seem to like that  arrangement.

sevenhills

Zambonis said:

My partner (of 20-odd years) and I have been looking for a few years to buy our own place, we have REALLY struggled to agree on what we want and now because we have  not been able to get on the same page.
He believes that we should split the stamp duty equally, even though the increased amount is due to his assets (i am a first time buyer), reluctantly I have agreed because ultimately we are a couple and I want to move forward.

An old fashioned way would be to get married and make your on wills.
Buy the house solely in your name.