Is it fair that I pay extra tax that has nothing to do with me.

Zambonis

My partner (of 20-odd years) and I have been looking for a few years to buy our own place, we have REALLY struggled to agree on what we want and now because we have  not been able to get on the same page for so long we have very little options ,as prices have increased so much faster than we could save and we are almost  priced out of the market completely.
Last year as  we were about to purchase a house (that ultimately fell though), we found out that because he owns a flat abroad (where he is from)  which he rents out ,that we are looking at a MASSIVE stamp duty bill of more than 20k;  so anything we buy now will likely be our permanent home until retirement which has put even more pressure  and stress on us finding a place we can both live with. 

He believes that we should split the stamp duty equally, even though the increased amount is due to his assets (i am a first time buyer), reluctantly I have agreed because ultimately we are a couple and I want to move forward.
  
In the past when we have talked about what to do with potential assets should one of us should die, he has  always been very clear that he would leave any joint UK  based  assets to me, but his property abroad would be left  to his family as it has nothing to do with me. This has upset me as we are a couple who have been together a  very long time and if it were reversed I would want to know that he was  taken care of, but also his family is quite well off and don't need the money. However ultimately it is indeed his decision so I have not made a big deal of it.

But now that we are likely going to have to buy something neither of us are thrilled by just to avoid being permanent renters,  it is indeed aggravating me now more than ever that I am expected to pay this  extra amount  as I really don't think he would do the same for me if the situation was reversed. 

I would really welcome advice.

kaMelo

I think you've bigger problems than the stamp duty. 
As a couple who've been together for so long then I really don't see how the "my money and their money" comes into play here. You're one family unit with shared everything, or at least it should be in my eyes, including the overseas property. It's may be in his name but it should not be only his decision. The fact they have said what they have would raise serious questions for me, not because of a monetary value but priorities, who is number one in their life? After twenty years it should be you.

MovingForwards

Buy something cheaper, based on your sole income and in your name only, avoids paying SDLT.

If you do buy together get the solicitor to prepare a declaration of trust, setting out how much each of you have back if you split up etc.

I agree with the above, how can you still be at the split money stage after being together for so long. I appreciate many couples have a joint pot, or some other split of shared bills / food etc, while retaining money for themselves, but 20 odd years and his other property is off limits.

Spendless

Who are 'his family' that he wants to leave his abroad property to? Children from a previous relationship? Parents? Siblings? Second cousins? Is he from a culture where it's 'expected' of him that he helps out financially for the rest of his family?

Ultimately you don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. 

Flugelhorn

I agree - get something you can afford yourself, he has a property elsewhere and you are having to pay +++ for that without any benefit 

Pollycat

How long has he had the flat?
Before he met you or after?

TBH, with an attitude like he has regarding his assets and how he thinks the stamp duty should be split, I'd sit down and have a good long think about how much of a couple you really are.

Zambonis

No kids (and none between us either),  so I suppose the flat  abroad will go to our niece eventually. He bought the flat about 1-2 years before we met so I don't have any legal claim (and tbh I don't want the flat, it's the principle that is upsetting me) originally with his parents help though they transferred their interest to him  some time ago.

I guess it may we just have different ideas about coupledom and assets... not having kids and having not bought property earlier we have  managed to  avoid some of this stuff that often breaks people up much earlier in relationships.

I have no doubt that he loves me but we obviously that means something different to each of us.

london21

As a couple you will both need to work together for things to work.

Communication and agreement are so important in a relationship. 

comeandgo

I have always made sure I’m not reliant on any other person financially, what my husband owns is his, if he wants to leave it to his sons and not me so be it. I’m also free to do what I want with my assets and money.  This is a second marriage for both of us and we do value financial independence but with us we both agree, you and your partner do not.  

Gycraig

He is completely taking the !!!!!!, it sounds like you have seperate money, he has a flat he has had for 20 years, probably mortgage free by now that he’s getting a return on/ has for 20 years, yet expects you to stump up half the stamp duty that you are only paying because he has a property that is no benefit to you and never will be. 

“We are almost priced out of the market” are you though ? He literally owns a flat in another country, if you was anything resembling a team this would have been sold years ago to enable a house deposit. 

Can’t imagine renting with my wife unable to afford a deposit for a house while owning a home in another country that I have no plans to live in ever. 

Either way expecting you to pay half the stamp duty because he owns a property you get no benefit from is taking the !!!!!!. 

sheramber

Have you benefitted from the rent received for the property?