Money Moral Dilemma: Should I leave different amounts to my grandchildren in my will?

gloriouslyhappy

I have no children or grandchildren but several nieces & nephews and great-N&N. Some I like very much and others I don't. One or two I actively loathe, rude entitled badly behaved.  So now I'm old and retired I'm giving sums of money to those I like, towards buying cars and such-like, and more generous birthday and xmas money than I did before. When I die, my estate - mainly the sale proceeds of my small house - is going to several charities I've supported in a small way over the years. I've made sure my siblings and their families are aware of this. The ones I don't like tend not to visit me anyway, and mumble when forced to see me at weddings and such occasions, while those I like I see quite often as we've always got on well and enjoy each other's company, not just now I'm in the last third of my life, but all along. 

Problem solved.

Yawn

My parents are upset that I - as a person with no children - am not leaving my entire estate to my nephews. (I told them, and my brother, that I'm leaving my nephews half.) It may mean that part of their estate will pass on to charity... Heaven forbid!

Do what you think is best. It is your money. No one is entitled to it. If anyone is angry, they are a) wrong and b) you'll never know. So just do what you think is right. 

GrandmaMo

Treat them all the same. Just because some have wealthier parents doesn’t mean they are going to be better off. Better still help them while you are still alive so can see how they benefit ( or not) from a pre- inheritance. Ok that might be a risk, but I’d rather give my family help now than after I’m dead with the risk the damn taxman might take 40% of it anyway. 

maddymick

It should be fair every time why would you not !

Agent57

They should not be expecting anything.  That way if they do get something it will be a pleasant surprise.  They may not be 'children' when you die but adults who have made their own way in the world (or not).  It is your money and entirely your decision how much you give (if anything) and to whom you give it.  

Norfolkborn

My son in law is one of four children. Only he and one brother have children, each has a son.

His widowed father died last year, and in his will he left nothing to his children, and decided to leave his house to one grandchild. When his nephew was left the house my son in law was devastated that his father would do such a dreadful thing to his only other grandson. His son was only 9, his cousin who got the house a couple of years older.

This has of course caused a rift between the two brothers. My son in law works hard to secure his sons future. His brother who totally out earns my son in law is always in dept, often borrowing money from his more prudent, but less earning one brother…….my son in law!.

The only explanation can be that perhaps the parent, the childrens grandfather was unduly influenced, or that he thought one grandchild one day would be better off one day than the one who inherited his grandfathers house.

I feel if you leave grandchildren something leave them a few thousand each, and leave the bulk to your children, who in turn should provide for them.

The moral is think very carefully about causing an unnecessary family divide behind you.

lynocat200

If you love them all the same then give them all the same - what their parents may or may not leave them is not your concern - this is from grandparent to grandchild. Also, I would consider giving it whilst you are still alive for both inheritance tax purposes and to able to enjoy the giving yourself.

TBagpuss

I would start with an equal split, especially if your only reason for not doing is that one set of parents are better off.

Partly because that might not still be that case by the time you pass on, but also you don't now what approach the parents may take to the children - the wealthier parent could take exception to their child's choice of occupation / partner / politics and end up giving them nothing, the 'poorer' grandchild could become (or marry!) a millionaire, for instance.  A parent could get divorced  or develop long term health issues, and have a huge change in their situation. 

If you are in a position to do so, you could chose to provide financial help to your grandchildren as and when they needs it, which might mean that you end up giving more to some than others, but  hopefully in a way that feels fair and where you are around to be able to reassure them that you are just as interested in all of them, and love them all.

If you do decide to leave them unequal gifts, then I very strongly recommend that you talk to them / their parents (as appropriate deepening on age) to explain your thinking - death and legacies are very emotive subjects - don't assume that your reasoning was obvious - it's very common for people to see ho things were left as a commentary on how much the deceased loved them , so leaving one person more than another, can be profoundly hurtful to the one left less, regardless of  their financial needs.

also, don't assume that you know what someone else's financial position is - you can't always ell, even if you know (or think you know) what people earn / what their house is worth 

gloriouslyhappy

maddymick said:

It should be fair every time why would you not !

Because life isn't fair - because some people are nice and some aren't! I always felt sorry for the stay-at-home brother in the parable of the prodical son, did his duty, stayed at home, worked hard, then profligate brother comes home and is made much of in a way not done for the dutiful son. So it's my money, and it's going to those who've been friendly and attentive over the years, not to the greedy grasping lot who pull faces and ignore me when seated next to me at a wedding - why would I not?

TheCraigClan

My Dad died recently and I believe he has left a much large amount to my younger sister and her child, with much smaller amount to his other grandchildren. I doubt my younger brother has any problem with this situation, nor do I, as we are both very well set up in life and she is not. I doubt I'll personally be getting anything at all.