Pure Cremations 15 April 2022 at 1:40PM in Deaths, funerals & probate 38 replies 2.2K views

gettingtheresometime

My husband wasn't religious so we had a humanist funeral for him & whilst we never discussed what sort of funeral we each wanted, I felt it was one that he would have approved of.

the only flowers we had were a modest wreath which came from my son & I  together with a spray of roses from his sister. These were collected from the undertakers & we then put them on his parents grave.

whilst I appreciate your sentiments please remember that the funeral forms part of the grieving process. 

Gers

gettingtheresometime said:

whilst I appreciate your sentiments please remember that the funeral forms part of the grieving process. 

Not always the funeral, my grieving wasn't centred on the physical disposal of the human remains but the absence of the personality. Each has their own process to go through, not always dictated by the norms of society. For me this new way is a progress towards celebrating a life in a more joyful manner. It may not be for everyone. 

annabanana82

The older members of my Husband's family have all opted for direct cremations and paid for these over the last two years. This has been done for a number of reasons but mainly due to cost of traditional funerals and family relations.

My Dad mid 70's recently was made aware of direct cremations and couldn't make sense of it all, he felt it was really disrespectful to not have a traditional funeral.

My Husband has always said he wanted similar and I did use to tell him the funeral was really for those left behind. Being a bit older I can see there is a compromise between the two, and I find watching a coffin disappear behind a curtain very difficult. Now I'm much more in favour of having a celebration of life followed by a scattering/burial of ashes

Pennylane

annabanana82 said:

The older members of my Husband's family have all opted for direct cremations and paid for these over the last two years. This has been done for a number of reasons but mainly due to cost of traditional funerals and family relations.

My Dad mid 70's recently was made aware of direct cremations and couldn't make sense of it all, he felt it was really disrespectful to not have a traditional funeral.

My Husband has always said he wanted similar and I did use to tell him the funeral was really for those left behind. Being a bit older I can see there is a compromise between the two, and I find watching a coffin disappear behind a curtain very difficult. Now I'm much more in favour of having a celebration of life followed by a scattering/burial of ashes

My SIL died last winter and was cremated.  Her family chose not to have the coffin disappearing behind the curtains.  It was just left in the chapel and people paid their respects on the way out.  

p00hsticks

boxofpaws said:

I couldn’t bear the thought of his body being carted to the other end of the country and being cremated so far from home. 

That may be the way Pure cremations work, but as others have pointed out, Pure is a brand name, and we are really talking about direct cremations here. With a direct cremation arranged via a local funeral director your body wouldn't be 'carted to the other end of the country' but rather cremated at the local crematorium, the only differnce woudl be that there wouldn't be an accompanying ceremony.

I think there has to be a balance between doing something that helps with your own grieving and respecting what the deceased wanted to be done...

As I said earlier, I find funeral ceremonies, especially those conducted by people who only have a perfunctory knowledge of the deceased, and  religious ones that talk about ' being in a better place' very alienating and upsetting, as I dont believe any of it.

However I know that my church going father will want a religious Christian funeral and intend to honour his wishes when the time comes. I understand where you are coming from, and am sorry for your loss, but I personally don't think I could live with myself knowing that I had chosen to go against his final wishes just because it made me feel better.

Gers

p00hsticks said:

However I know that my church going father will want a religious Christian funeral and intend to honour his wishes when the time comes. I understand where you are coming from, and am sorry for your loss, but I personally don't think I could live with myself knowing that I had chosen to go against his final wishes just because it made me feel better.

The respect for the dead comes with respecting their final wishes, no matter how much it goes against your own wishes.  Whilst the stated wishes of a deceased person have no bearing in law anyone not following them is being selfish (IMHO). 

Roccosmumma

Hi all, great insight and reflections here, thanks for sharing I’d like to arrange this for myself as soon as possible, does anyone have a referrers code or coupon they’d be willing to share please ? I found my mum passed away in her bed Christmas Eve 2020 and spent many hours organising her funeral which only 4 people, myself included. It was very sad and felt like a conveyor belt job with people leaving as we arrived and people waiting as we walked outside so no real time or privacy. Unfortunately my mum had no will in place so it was an exhausting and lonely 8 months taking care of her affairs and I wouldn’t like my children to experience any of this. My will is in place so now just my cremation to organise. Many thanks all 

Gers

Roccosmumma said:

Hi all, great insight and reflections here, thanks for sharing I’d like to arrange this for myself as soon as possible, does anyone have a referrers code or coupon they’d be willing to share please ? I found my mum passed away in her bed Christmas Eve 2020 and spent many hours organising her funeral which only 4 people, myself included. It was very sad and felt like a conveyor belt job with people leaving as we arrived and people waiting as we walked outside so no real time or privacy. Unfortunately my mum had no will in place so it was an exhausting and lonely 8 months taking care of her affairs and I wouldn’t like my children to experience any of this. My will is in place so now just my cremation to organise. Many thanks all 

Referral codes and links

Please don’t share referral codes and links as we cannot verify their validity and security.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/site/forum-faqs/ 

Also, bear in mind the advice given earlier - that Pure Cremations is a brand, like Kelloggs, Heinz etc.  There are other providers of DIRECT cremations which may or may not be better value. If you're not near to the crematorium then the whole process with PC may be very difficult.  Shop around in your local area - most funeral directors now offfer direct cremations.

BooJewels

I'd concur with what @Gers said.  I recently organised a direct cremation with a local funeral director - they collected the body within an hour or so of me calling.  Just ensure that you understand what services are included in the service you're considering for the price quoted - direct/pure cremations don't usually allow mourners and you don't necessarily know when they'll happen.  I could have been told, but asked not to - from memory, Gers did know and wanted to.

I don't think I'd want to even pay up front for it - just put the money aside if you prefer, in a savings account or something and just keep in touch with current prices, so you can ensure your funds cover it.  If you pay in advance, you're paying now for the potential future increases and your money is gone and tied up for all of that time - and can potentially be lost too.  

Northern_Tribe

When my late father died we held a full funeral including a Requiem Mass followed by a committal service (I think they are called) at the grave. It was truly lovely, the whole family plus his surviving friends attended. I felt it was very helpful to say goodbye and mark the passing of a greatly loved man. We then had a party with lots of laughter, It was a very wet and cold day so this was held in a local pub. He has a headstone in the local cemetery for us to visit.

Each to their own of course. I'm not elderly but I would be very disappointed if a close family member chose a direct cremation, although I would never say anything to them. Sorry PO, not what you asked about but I just wanted to stand up for "traditional" funerals and say that at least one, not very old person greatly values the comfort they bring.