Relationship Breakdown - Please Help

hobo28

saintdan wrote: »

.... then she will be left with over £400 a month, now I think that's plenty - do people think this is an acceptable amount because she initially said it was not enough.

Personally I think this is plenty. Depends on the lifestyle she's led up until now. BUT the fact is that she must now live within her new means and if that means making sacrifices in her lifestyle thats HER problem, not yours.

As someone who is much further down the road you are about to tread I strongly advise you stop helping her now. This is not because you are being cruel but as you are no longer a couple she has to stand on her own two feet. You working out all her finances for her is very noble but its her responsibility to figure out how the books will balance not yours. Whether she has £20 a month left over or £400 is no longer your concern.

Let me ask you this? Do you really want to split up with her? From the amount of effort you've gone to it seems to me you obviously still care about your ex. Splitting up might seem the solution but trust me I've been doing this for 4.5 years now, all it brings is a different set of problems. Your life will become much more complicated and just wait until one or both of you get new partners and/or step kids. Then the fun REALLY starts. So please if you still care for her and she cares for you, try to sort things out! Being a single parent is easy. Being a step parent is hard. But even harder on the kids who now have to worry about things which a child should not have to worry about!

floss2

hobo28 wrote: »

... BUT the fact is that she must now live within her new means and if that means making sacrifices in her lifestyle thats HER problem, not yours.......You working out all her finances for her is very noble but its her responsibility to figure out how the books will balance not yours. Whether she has £20 a month left over or £400 is no longer your concern.

Further to Hobo's points above, do YOU have enough to live on?

If your wife wants the separation, then she should be prepared to make the financial sacrifices and have the sense to realise that she will not be able to spend £400 on herself every month. Houses, children, cars & life in general are expensive, and that is a basic fact of life.

I think you are being far too generous with your time & your money - let her sort out her own finances, she's going to have to do everything for herself and that is one of the most important things to get a grip of.

Did you ever speak to a solicitor about what you propose to agree?

Floss x

loopy_lass

Stephb1986 wrote: »

i broke up with my fella at the weekend he's said he still loves me but he's not in love with me, it hurts like hell i know, i wish i wasnt here but i am. you'll be ok and get sorted out

take care

Stephb xx

my man just walked out on me 3 hrs ago.... im sat here in an empty house, his phones off, all his stuff is gone.....

should really stop faffing on computer and face the house soon, oh and the evening, and the night and tomorrow.......

loops

floss2

loopy_lass wrote: »

my man just walked out on me 3 hrs ago.... im sat here in an empty house, his phones off, all his stuff is gone.....

should really stop faffing on computer and face the house soon, oh and the evening, and the night and tomorrow.......

loops

:grouphug:

Maybe you could fill the time by re-organising your wardrobe to fill the extra space, swap the furniture in your rooms around so it is different, and you can sleep starfish-style across the bed with all the quilt......There are good things to come out of a split - honestly

I know you think I am being frivolous, but I speak from experience, and I found that doing stuff that kept me busy & tired me out was best at first. Then I tackled the financial things, and stuff like telling those who needed to know.

Love, Floss x

saintdan

hobo28 wrote: »

You working out all her finances for her is very noble but its her responsibility to figure out how the books will balance not yours. Whether she has £20 a month left over or £400 is no longer your concern.

To be honest with you she is rubbish at things like that so I worked it all out for her & take care of the ingoings / outgoings every month so it was easy for me to do.

hobo28 wrote: »

Let me ask you this? Do you really want to split up with her? From the amount of effort you've gone to it seems to me you obviously still care about your ex.

Yeah I really want to split up with her. I'm fed up with daily arguing, bickering, moaning which has been going on for a couple of years now. We don't really like the same things anymore, I'm not really attracted to her anymore & it would bring a happier mummy & daddy for my kids I'm sure.

hobo28 wrote: »

Splitting up might seem the solution but trust me I've been doing this for 4.5 years now, all it brings is a different set of problems. Your life will become much more complicated and just wait until one or both of you get new partners and/or step kids. Then the fun REALLY starts. So please if you still care for her and she cares for you, try to sort things out! Being a single parent is easy. Being a step parent is hard. But even harder on the kids who now have to worry about things which a child should not have to worry about!

Yeah I'm sure that what you mentioned is not the greatest experience but I'll just have to get on with it.

saintdan

floss2 wrote: »

Further to Hobo's points above, do YOU have enough to live on?

Yeah, I'll be okay. I have a few options - my best mate is looking to rent a house so we will probably house share & half the bills. If that don't work then I can always go back to my parents if they are talking to me.

floss2 wrote: »

If your wife wants the separation, then she should be prepared to make the financial sacrifices and have the sense to realise that she will not be able to spend £400 on herself every month. Houses, children, cars & life in general are expensive, and that is a basic fact of life.

That is exactly what I told her. I have thought about it & £400 is plenty - about 5 years ago as a family of 4 we were lucky to have £100 left over a month. She is not my wife by the way - thank god - I'm sure it wud have been much more complicated then.

floss2 wrote: »

I think you are being far too generous with your time & your money - let her sort out her own finances, she's going to have to do everything for herself and that is one of the most important things to get a grip of.

Just doin it for the kids really.

floss2 wrote: »

Did you ever speak to a solicitor about what you propose to agree?

Nah haven't bothered. There is not much point really now as I am just basically giving her the house I have nothing to lose cos I've already lost it.

Cheers

Dan

Floss x[/quote]

destiny_star2006

aww you sound lovely bet ure girl wont realise what shes got till its gone xx
hope you get a nice gf soon who deserves you

Savvy_Sue

Just a little warning bell: if you are continuing to pay off a credit card and loan, you will cut the cards up, won't you, so that neither of you can increase the size of that debt?

saintdan

destiny_star2006 wrote: »

aww you sound lovely bet ure girl wont realise what shes got till its gone xx
hope you get a nice gf soon who deserves you

Yeah, I'm well lovely, but apparently I can't eat properly, I snore, I breathe heavily whilst I'm watching tv, I am obsessed with money (I just like to spend what I earn - no more), I spend too much time on the laptop, I'm lazy, I have to many tattoos, I need to grow up, 30 year old men shouldn't play video games & I always wanna watch football on tv. But apart from that, yeah I'm lovely.

If I can find a bird that likes football, video games, tattoos, is careful with her cash, doesn't mind snoring then I'll be okay.

saintdan

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Just a little warning bell: if you are continuing to pay off a credit card and loan, you will cut the cards up, won't you, so that neither of you can increase the size of that debt?

Credit card is in my name so she won't be able to use it & it was cut up about 6 months ago & loan can't be increased anyway.