Relationship Breakdown - Please Help

saintdan

sarahmoon wrote: »

I'm not sure of your council's policy, but my sister recently went homeless, because she had two children the Council had to house her within two weeks and right enough she was only in the B&B for two weeks, and they have given her a temporary furnished flat, she could be there for several months, the only thing is its miles away from the kids school but she wasn;'t allowd to refuse it. They offered a taxi to ferry her kids to and from their school.

Thanks for the info but my ex-gf needs a house from which she can childmind & I am not sure if she is permitted to do that from a council house or whether it would be suitabble.

saintdan

pinkshoes wrote: »

I would re-iterate to get a solicitor to draw up this agreement, otherwise you may have problems in a couple of years time!!

I will look into it but I trust her 100% and believe she wouldn't go back on an agreement although if she did meet a new fella in the meantime he maybe able to talk her into somethig else.

pinkshoes wrote: »

Having young kids can be very stressful on a relationship (bickering, petty arguments etc...). Have you actually had a break/holiday with just the 2 of you since the kids were born?? It might help!

No we haven't had a holiday or break with just the 2 of us - she believes we should always do those sort of things as a family. In any case I believe this may make a difference short term then a few weeks later things will be back to normal.

saintdan

tsstss7 wrote: »

have you considered the effect of equity change b4 you sell in 2 yrs time? It may have gone down or up but realistically if your ex is paying the mortgage inbetween will she want a higher share of equity to reflect this?

Hi, I have thought about the equity going up or down but that is a gamble I'll have to take. To be honest I can't see prices going up or down by a great deal over the next couple of years & the area in which I live is going through a regeneration program & house prices are rumoured to rise in future years, so fingers crossed.

saintdan

tsstss7 wrote: »

realistically if your ex is paying the mortgage inbetween will she want a higher share of equity to reflect this?

We have sort of discussed this & have said it's only fair that I get half the profit. Also I am paying the 2 loans we have which she should pay half towards & I am having to find somewhere to rent so I would like to think it balances it out. Also I could just turn around & say that I want to sell the house now, so it's in her best interests anyway & if she does get funny then I will remind of the years she was not working when the kids were babies & I paid it on my own - but hopefully it won't come to that.

saintdan

hobo28 wrote: »

Without an agreement you still have an option to go to court to get an order to force the sale so in my mind any moves to get her to sign a contract nowgets you nothing but says to your ex "I don't trust you".

I was thinking that if I mentioned the contract that she would bring up the trust thing. I think she would be insulted if I mentioned it as I have known her for 8 years & she has NEVER told 1 lie - not even a white lie.

hobo28 wrote: »

Personally I would use the house as a point when discussing child maintenance. At the moment you have £25k of equity in the house which you cannot use for your place so your mortgage is higher. Therefore I think its fair to expect to pay a lower amount for child support whilst this agreement is in place.

I had thought of that already, that agree a lower amount until the house is sold & then increase it afterwards.

hobo28 wrote: »

At the end of the day though its up to you. Having an ex myself and 2 kids between us, I put quite a high value on maintaining a civil relationship with my ex. Afterall our lives will always be tied together via our kids. And one thing I've learned is that the best thing for my kids is a happy mum. Sometimes that means I have to help my ex out too.

I agree that things need to be kept amicable & their mum needs to be happy as their behaviour will reflect her moods.

Jet

saintdan wrote: »

it's in her best interests anyway & if she does get funny then I will remind of the years she was not working when the kids were babies & I paid it on my own - but hopefully it won't come to that.

Be very careful of that attitude. A court would see her as having contributed just as much by bringing up the children as you, by going out to work. Financially, what counts is who looks after the children, not who brings in the hard cash.

saintdan

Jet wrote: »

Be very careful of that attitude. A court would see her as having contributed just as much by bringing up the children as you, by going out to work. Financially, what counts is who looks after the children, not who brings in the hard cash.

I didn't mean that nastily. I'm sure it won't come to that anyway.


Anyway after thinking long & hard about what to do I have changed my mind & made a different decision.

I don't think, the original idea of leaving partner in our house then selling it in 2 years, splitting profit then her having to get new house & new job etc will work. It's just too messy.

Instead I am just gonna let her have the house 100%. This way the kids stay settled (as they can be) and she can continue to childmind for as long as she likes from home. We have worked out the finances & she will pay for everything except credit card bill & loan we have secured on house, which I will pay. Only condition is if she sells the house then the secured loan must be paid off fully (loan is for around £20000ish - equity in house is around £50000).

As a result of this we have agreed maintainance payments at a lower rate than recommended by the CSA.

I wondered if people could give me opinions on the following.

1. After working out what partner earns, child benefit & suggested child maintainence & what she has to pay for including all bills, petrol, groceries etc then she will be left with over £400 a month, now I think that's plenty - do people think this is an acceptable amount because she initially said it was not enough.

She also maybe entitled to other single mother benefits but has yet to look into that, so the above is worst case scenario.

2. The mortgage is currently in joint names obviously but I need to take my name off the mortgage but I have a feeling that the mortgage company will not allow it as she doesn't earn enough to be sole owner. Does anyone know if this is true? If so is it possible for maybe her parents to have their name on the mortgage as a guarantee?

Thanks

Dan

silvercar

The mortgage is currently in joint names obviously but I need to take my name off the mortgage but I have a feeling that the mortgage company will not allow it as she doesn't earn enough to be sole owner. Does anyone know if this is true? If so is it possible for maybe her parents to have their name on the mortgage as a guarantee?

Can't see the mortgage company agreeing to remove your name from the mortgage unless her income is enough to support the mortgage under their current lendling criteria. Even accepting a guarantor is unlikely at this stage, with your name already being on the mortgage.

floss2

saintdan wrote: »

1. After working out what partner earns, child benefit & suggested child maintainence & what she has to pay for including all bills, petrol, groceries etc then she will be left with over £400 a month, now I think that's plenty - do people think this is an acceptable amount because she initially said it was not enough.

I wish I had £400 a month left over after paying my share of our bills, my own petrol & bills & support for my 2 sons at Uni.....and I work full-time in local government. I'm lucky if there is £100 left for me and I am no longer in any debt.

I assume she can afford the mortgage etc on her income, taking into account the reduced maintenance? Has she looked into whether she could claim tax credits yet?

saintdan

floss2 wrote: »

I wish I had £400 a month left over after paying my share of our bills, my own petrol & bills & support for my 2 sons at Uni.....and I work full-time in local government. I'm lucky if there is £100 left for me and I am no longer in any debt.

I assume she can afford the mortgage etc on her income, taking into account the reduced maintenance? Has she looked into whether she could claim tax credits yet?

We have worked out that she can afford the mortgage on an interest only basis (repayment mortgage is about £200 more so she could afford that too but whilst she gets used to living on her own i think she wants the extra cash in her pocket every month).

I had a look on the entitledto website & it looks like she should be entitled to some tax credits but thats a bit complicated & will have to phone inland revenue as they stopped our child tax credits about 9 months ago as apparently in 2004 they overpaid us (?????)