Relationship Breakdown - Please Help

kaisstuff

hi im really sorry to hear a family breaking up,i too have been in your shoes ,the council will veiw your girlfriend as making herself homeless they will still add her name to their list but unless she is in a violent/abusive situation she will be way down the list, you asked if she would be able to get housing benefit if your mortgage was changed to your name only ? no she wouldnt because on hb forms they ask do you or have you ever owned the property ,also hb will not pay close family members rent ie father rents to daughter ,if your girlfriend decieds to stay you are leagally obliged to provide a roof over the kids heads until they reach 18yrs old,if your girlfriend wants a council house you/she would have to prove to them that the mortgage would cause her severe hardship hence needing to sell ! dont forget any profit would have to be less than another house bought for cash ! if there is no chance of a reconciliation make sure you clear any exsisting debts ect & then a clean break.good luck i hope it all works out

Alex_of_Swansea

This may be a daft idea, but have you considered being the resident parent until she gets a house and things? That way, the kids will stay in the house and she can get herself sorted. Once she sorts herself out, the situation could be reviewed. ??

saintdan

Alex_of_Swansea wrote: »

This may be a daft idea, but have you considered being the resident parent until she gets a house and things? That way, the kids will stay in the house and she can get herself sorted. Once she sorts herself out, the situation could be reviewed. ??

That wouldn't be possible really as I work 12hr shifts - a mixture of days & nights so I'm hardly ever at home when I am on shift.

saintdan

Thanks for everyones support on this a couple of months ago.

Update is as follows.

We had a chat & agreed to stay together just before christmas & things went ok for about a month but then just back to normal - daily bickering, arguments etc etc. About 2 weeks ago she said the same again that she wants to split so we chatted and agreed it's for the best.

I am now going to try & sort out somewhere to live. I hope to rent with someone to share the costs.

We have agreed on the following:

She is going to stay in the house & pay the mortgage & bills herself - except credit cards & loans which I will pay for. She will stay there for about 18 months to 2 years so she can continue child minding from home until both our kids are full time at school & it will also mean not having to disrupt the kids too much. In 18 months to 2 years we will sell house & split profit & she can get a job elsewhere.

I know people said I needed a clean break but it's not possible. If I sell the house immediately she will a) have nowhere to live initially & b) will not be able to work from home. It would not really be worth her doin any other job as she would have to start paying childcare costs & I work 12 hour shifts - a mixture of days & nights so it's not as if I could do my fair share on a regular basis. I also know that people will say that is not my problem but I still have my kids to think of.

I just hope everything can remain amicable.

floss2

Please make sure that you get written agreement to what you have verbally agreed - in 18m-2yrs time, your ex may have "forgotten" was you had agreed about splitting any profit on the house.

It is in your best interests to pay for a solicitor to draw up a document setting out the details - it will be worth the cost in the long run.

Best wishes,
Floss x

sarahmoon_2

I'm not sure of your council's policy, but my sister recently went homeless, because she had two children the Council had to house her within two weeks and right enough she was only in the B&B for two weeks, and they have given her a temporary furnished flat, she could be there for several months, the only thing is its miles away from the kids school but she wasn;'t allowd to refuse it. They offered a taxi to ferry her kids to and from their school.

pinkshoes

I would re-iterate to get a solicitor to draw up this agreement, otherwise you may have problems in a couple of years time!!

I admire your grown-up approach to this break-up.

Having young kids can be very stressful on a relationship (bickering, petty arguments etc...). Have you actually had a break/holiday with just the 2 of you since the kids were born?? It might help!

tsstss7

have you considered the effect of equity change b4 you sell in 2 yrs time? It may have gone down or up but realistically if your ex is paying the mortgage inbetween will she want a higher share of equity to reflect this?

floss2

sarahmoon wrote: »

I'm not sure of your council's policy, but my sister recently went homeless, because she had two children the Council had to house her within two weeks and right enough she was only in the B&B for two weeks, and they have given her a temporary furnished flat, she could be there for several months, the only thing is its miles away from the kids school but she wasn;'t allowd to refuse it. They offered a taxi to ferry her kids to and from their school.

If your ex walks out of your house & turns up at the Council asking to be homed, it is very unlikely that she will be given anywhere without thorough investigation and they will very likely decide that she has made her self "intentionally homeless" and they do not have any duty to house her in those circumstances.

I would repeat - get a solicitor to draw up an agreement, and both sign it while you are still speaking to each other.

Floss x

hobo28

Others have suggested an agreement drawn up by a solicitor and signed by both. Good idea in principle but in reality would it work?

Lets say for arguments sake you sign a contract where your ex agrees to sell the house within 2 years. 20 months down the line she changes her mind for whatever reason. What are you going to do? Go to court to get the contract enforced? What about your kids? She'll be the first to explain to the kids that the reason they have no home is because Daddy is kicking them out and call the CSA on you.

Without an agreement you still have an option to go to court to get an order to force the sale so in my mind any moves to get her to sign a contract nowgets you nothing but says to your ex "I don't trust you".

Personally I would use the house as a point when discussing child maintenance. At the moment you have £25k of equity in the house which you cannot use for your place so your mortgage is higher. Therefore I think its fair to expect to pay a lower amount for child support whilst this agreement is in place.

At the end of the day though its up to you. Having an ex myself and 2 kids between us, I put quite a high value on maintaining a civil relationship with my ex. Afterall our lives will always be tied together via our kids. And one thing I've learned is that the best thing for my kids is a happy mum. Sometimes that means I have to help my ex out too.