What to do…house buying and selling - help!!!

No41edwardianhouse

badger09 said:

OP I really do feel for you, but will try to offer a little perspective. The whole process is stressful, but your own expectations can increase that stress. 

For your own well being, please try to dial back your ‘furious’ feelings at ‘being lied to’. 

It is entirely possible that your vendors had every intention of breaking the chain, until they discovered just how difficult it can be to find suitable short term rental. Been there, but we managed it, albeit with a great deal of stress, expense & many compromises. 

Also, it is unrealistic to expect your vendors, or anyone else in the chain, to make adjustments because of your little one’s traumatic background. They’re not part of your family or support network. They want to sell you their house & you want to buy it. 

The biggest potential for delay is the Probate property which has now appeared at the top of your chain. I would ask your EA (assuming it’s not a factory conveyancer) to liaise up the chain and establish whether Probate has been granted. 

I really hope it works out for you. 

Thanks for trying to understand. The issue I have is that our solicitor clearly pointed out our need for a swift sale. The estate agent did too - and the seller accepted this. Therefore, the expectations had been set - it wasn’t unrealistic was you mention. However, what is unfair if for the goalposts to be changed at the very last minute. Had we known this was going to happen we would have kept on searching for a house. 

Slithery

No41edwardianhouse said:
However, what is unfair if for the goalposts to be changed at the very last minute. Had we known this was going to happen we would have kept on searching for a house. 

Whoever told you that life would be fair was lying. It never is...

Lavendyr

No41edwardianhouse said:

badger09 said:

OP I really do feel for you, but will try to offer a little perspective. The whole process is stressful, but your own expectations can increase that stress. 

For your own well being, please try to dial back your ‘furious’ feelings at ‘being lied to’. 

It is entirely possible that your vendors had every intention of breaking the chain, until they discovered just how difficult it can be to find suitable short term rental. Been there, but we managed it, albeit with a great deal of stress, expense & many compromises. 

Also, it is unrealistic to expect your vendors, or anyone else in the chain, to make adjustments because of your little one’s traumatic background. They’re not part of your family or support network. They want to sell you their house & you want to buy it. 

The biggest potential for delay is the Probate property which has now appeared at the top of your chain. I would ask your EA (assuming it’s not a factory conveyancer) to liaise up the chain and establish whether Probate has been granted. 

I really hope it works out for you. 

Thanks for trying to understand. The issue I have is that our solicitor clearly pointed out our need for a swift sale. The estate agent did too - and the seller accepted this. Therefore, the expectations had been set - it wasn’t unrealistic was you mention. However, what is unfair if for the goalposts to be changed at the very last minute. Had we known this was going to happen we would have kept on searching for a house. 

I'm so sorry to read this thread. The house buying (and selling) process is incredibly frustrating. Probate is even more complicated. Unfortunately there really isn't much to be done - hang tight or look elsewhere.Best of luck, and what you are doing is wonderful. 

Lavendyr

Slithery said:

No41edwardianhouse said:
However, what is unfair if for the goalposts to be changed at the very last minute. Had we known this was going to happen we would have kept on searching for a house. 

Whoever told you that life would be fair was lying. It never is...

How is this in any way helpful? The OP is taking in a child for whom - I imagine - life has never been "fair".  

Be kind. 

No41edwardianhouse

Lavendyr said:

Slithery said:

No41edwardianhouse said:
However, what is unfair if for the goalposts to be changed at the very last minute. Had we known this was going to happen we would have kept on searching for a house. 

Whoever told you that life would be fair was lying. It never is...

How is this in any way helpful? The OP is taking in a child for whom - I imagine - life has never been "fair".  

Be kind. 

You are quite right. I was very upset by this comment and this particular user has made unhelpful comments previously.

Our child’s life before coming to us has been incredibly unfair. We are trying to give our family the best we possibly can and a new house is part of that. My husband and I realise that house buying is incredibly stressful and we hoped we could make it as smooth a process as possible whilst not unsettling our little one who, quite frankly, has been through enough already. We had hoped that our sellers would be fair and stick to their word - something they actually promised they would do when we met them during a visit to measure up. They know all about our little one and how they have come to live with their forever family etc etc. We understand circumstances change. What would have been fairer is for them to say that they couldn’t guarantee to move out and break the chain at the point that we made an offer. However, for two months it feels like they have strung us along and the person who will feel the biggest impact is our little one. It is unfair on him - hubby and i can take another few months but after so much uncertainty for someone so young, it would have been nice for the sellers to play fairly and stick to their word. 

We will also NEVER ever tell anyone that “life is unfair”. For some life has been incredibly unfair and the trauma of that experience will last a life time, so quite frankly comments like the one made by the above user are incredibly insensitive and way off the mark. I wanted a listening ear and not a kick in the face. 

Slithery

I do apologise if I upset anyone with my above comment, it really wasn't my intention.

House buying is just one of those things in life where you have very little control over the timescales, if any. Worrying about things over which you have no control just leads to unnecessary stress for no reason - you'll have a far better quality of life if you just relax and let things take there time.

Snookie12cat

Slithery said:

I do apologise if I upset anyone with my above comment, it really wasn't my intention.

House buying is just one of those things in life where you have very little control over the timescales, if any. Worrying about things over which you have no control just leads to unnecessary stress for no reason - you'll have a far better quality of life if you just relax and let things take there time.

@Slithery are you a stoic by any chance? Lol. It is sound advice though. 

Tiglet2

OP, I completely understand that you wanted this transaction to go forward quickly so as to limit the stress to your little one as much as possible.  However, buying and selling properties is a business transaction and as such, your personal circumstances are not really considered by other third parties.  Of course, your sellers probably are sympathetic to your situation, but in all honesty, their own situation is of more importance to them. 

All the professionals who are involved in the transaction are dealing with it as a business transaction.  Most clients that a solicitor acts for have their own agenda, whether that be that someone is pregnant and wanting to move before baby arrives, or whether they might become homeless as their rental period comes to an end (though this is another story), or their mortgage offer is expiring soon, or they are living with relatives and the goodwill associated with that has come to an end. 

The reasons above are probably very trivial to you, but as a business transaction the professionals are doing the work to reach exchange and completion.  All the reasons above are irrelevant to the conclusion of the transaction.  How long that takes depends on the complexity of the legal work and the enquiries relating to that.  I am sure you are well aware that, until exchange takes place, nothing is binding.  Anyone can do the dirty and change their mind, pull out, whatever.  In that sense, Slithery is correct.  

As your little one is very young, I wouldn't imagine they would really have an understanding of the 'move' anyway, particularly of the length of time it is taking.  Your job is to ensure your little one is happy and content with you and your husband as caring, loving parents and that can surely be done whether or not you are in your new home.  Young children don't care for a fancy bedroom and a garden, though of course, it will be a big bonus when you have that.  If life has been traumatic before, then surely life now is a whole lot better than it was.

tonyabrhm

We have been in the process of buying since October 2021. We were hoping to complete in February... Still not exchanged contracts for various reasons.

Albeit it's quite annoying as we booked vacation days, childcare, removals etc, I wouldn't go as far to say it is stressful and upsetting. You have a roof over your head, calm down a bit.

No41edwardianhouse

Tiglet2 said:

OP, I completely understand that you wanted this transaction to go forward quickly so as to limit the stress to your little one as much as possible.  However, buying and selling properties is a business transaction and as such, your personal circumstances are not really considered by other third parties.  Of course, your sellers probably are sympathetic to your situation, but in all honesty, their own situation is of more importance to them. 

All the professionals who are involved in the transaction are dealing with it as a business transaction.  Most clients that a solicitor acts for have their own agenda, whether that be that someone is pregnant and wanting to move before baby arrives, or whether they might become homeless as their rental period comes to an end (though this is another story), or their mortgage offer is expiring soon, or they are living with relatives and the goodwill associated with that has come to an end. 

The reasons above are probably very trivial to you, but as a business transaction the professionals are doing the work to reach exchange and completion.  All the reasons above are irrelevant to the conclusion of the transaction.  How long that takes depends on the complexity of the legal work and the enquiries relating to that.  I am sure you are well aware that, until exchange takes place, nothing is binding.  Anyone can do the dirty and change their mind, pull out, whatever.  In that sense, Slithery is correct.  

As your little one is very young, I wouldn't imagine they would really have an understanding of the 'move' anyway, particularly of the length of time it is taking.  Your job is to ensure your little one is happy and content with you and your husband as caring, loving parents and that can surely be done whether or not you are in your new home.  Young children don't care for a fancy bedroom and a garden, though of course, it will be a big bonus when you have that.  If life has been traumatic before, then surely life now is a whole lot better than it was.

You are correct in your understanding that life has been traumatic before but you are very far from the mark when it comes to the impact of another move on a child - no matter how young they are, the impact on a child who has been through the care system is absolutely huge! I realise your post is made with the best intentions and I thank you for that. But whilst going through the adoption process, you learn a LOT about the impact of trauma on a child. Sadly, it also isn’t as simple life being better now so all has been forgotten. 

However, your post is indeed very helpful. It is a business transaction- I get that. We’ve done the whole buying and selling thing 4 times before and never have I experienced such disregard for the buyer. Perhaps I was naive.