Ex wants to keep house

jocstoke

london21 said:

Think things through and do not rush into any big decisions.

Buying a property nowadays can be stressful as the asking price not necessarily the sole price.

Also a lof of properties going above asking price.

Will the children be more comfortable staying in the same house or, moving?

Thanks so much, this is why I'm finding it so difficult. I do think the children would benefit from having the same house at least part of the time, but not sure I could afford it. Think it's time to get some legal advice. 

jocstoke

Spendless said:

Was there a reason the property just went into his name? I mean you might have a valid reason. Our house is only in my husband's name. That's because we needed a larger house for our growing family and the house I had bought as a single person was in negative equity, we couldn't afford to sell it. Over the years for various reasons we've never changed it and now it's almost at the end of the mortgage, we'll sort out once paid off.

So far from what you've put. He doesn't want you to claim CB instead of himself. He wants you to work more hours with no thought to the childcare that you would also need. He wants to stay in the house and not give you half the equity. He may just be naive or he could be controlling. I'd really urge you to seek professional advice. 

Thanks so much. Do you know if one of the free initial consultations that you see offered would help, or would I need to pay for a meeting? No idea what costs are involved or how to go about choosing a decent solicitor, not just one that pushes me to go to court and ends up getting enormous bills. It's all so overwhelming.

Emmia

jocstoke said:

Spendless said:

Was there a reason the property just went into his name? I mean you might have a valid reason. Our house is only in my husband's name. That's because we needed a larger house for our growing family and the house I had bought as a single person was in negative equity, we couldn't afford to sell it. Over the years for various reasons we've never changed it and now it's almost at the end of the mortgage, we'll sort out once paid off.

So far from what you've put. He doesn't want you to claim CB instead of himself. He wants you to work more hours with no thought to the childcare that you would also need. He wants to stay in the house and not give you half the equity. He may just be naive or he could be controlling. I'd really urge you to seek professional advice. 

Thanks so much. Do you know if one of the free initial consultations that you see offered would help, or would I need to pay for a meeting? No idea what costs are involved or how to go about choosing a decent solicitor, not just one that pushes me to go to court and ends up getting enormous bills. It's all so overwhelming.

The law society website has a tool that allows you to find solicitors in your area that specialise in family / divorce law and some also have mediators - unless you know someone who is recently divorced and can offer a recommendation, this is what I would use to find someone...

www.lawsociety.org.uk

The free consultation will help you work out if they are the solicitor for you, but once you've done that, then you'll have to instruct (and pay) them. 

ampersand

Spendless said:

Why does your ex receive child benefit when you are working part time? Until children are 12 the person receiving CB also gets a NI credit that helps towards your state pension. Which is why it should be paid to the non working or part time working parent (if they don't earn enough to pay NI) 

.https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/benefits/benefits-if-you-have-children/protecting-your-state-pension-when-you-have-a-baby#:~:text=Usually, you'll build up,if you're not earning.

Apologies but I see some red flags here in him trying to control you eg "I certainly wouldn't be able to buy him out and I know he wouldn't agree to the kind of thing he is suggesting for me -"

I'd get some professional advice and I wouldn't agree to what he's proposing without thinking all the implications through. Where would you be able to afford to buy another house if you did what he suggested? Would it be near enough to keep the kids at the same school? 

I'm with you, Spendless.
#
jocstoke - as an ancient with considerable relevant b/g, 'coercive control' shouts out loudly here.
It must always be stopped asap. 
You need a strong solicitor and related help - no being drawn into circular/fruitless face-to-face discussions. 
Situations and issues will eventually/ultimately require official/Court approval.
Use this approach now. 
It is your wise protection and keeps any OH excesses or changing future demands at one remove from you.
I wish you all well.

MEM62

You keep an interest in the house and your finances remain linked.  If he trashes his credit standing, he trashes yours.  In addition, you are subject to his whim and cooperation should you ever want to sell and liquidate your equity.  And one last thing to consider - what would you do if he stopped paying the mortgage?  Too many risks for me. I think you need to sell, have a clean financial break and both start again in new properties.    

Mojisola

jocstoke said:

My husband and I have separated.

We have two children, 5 and 9, and will be splitting custody 5050.

As you have been the main carer for the children, do you think he understands what he's asking for?

Is he going to be called out of work if one of the children is sick on 'his' days or take days off if they can't go to school?  Is he going to pick them up from school?  Does he ever get them ready in the mornings on his own?

You'll have to be careful that his 50% isn't just on easy days and you end up with the main bulk of the care.

Emmia

jocstoke said:

Spendless said:

Why does your ex receive child benefit when you are working part time? Until children are 12 the person receiving CB also gets a NI credit that helps towards your state pension. Which is why it should be paid to the non working or part time working parent (if they don't earn enough to pay NI) 

.https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/benefits/benefits-if-you-have-children/protecting-your-state-pension-when-you-have-a-baby#:~:text=Usually, you'll build up,if you're not earning.

Apologies but I see some red flags here in him trying to control you eg "I certainly wouldn't be able to buy him out and I know he wouldn't agree to the kind of thing he is suggesting for me -"

I'd get some professional advice and I wouldn't agree to what he's proposing without thinking all the implications through. Where would you be able to afford to buy another house if you did what he suggested? Would it be near enough to keep the kids at the same school? 

Thanks, I do earn enough to pay NI. He had the child benefit put in his name so he'd have additional income when he applied for the mortgage 8 years ago (it's in his name only) and just never switched it back despite having many pay  rises since then, just transfers bits to me sometimes when I ask for buying specific things for the kids. I didn't know how much of an issue this would cause later down the line as never saw this situation coming.

I'd be able to buy a house in the next suburb from us a couple of miles away, it would be easy enough to get the kids to school. I agree I do need to consider everything though, just hoping a moderator can help the process be equitable as want to avoid all the costs of doing it through solicitors if possible.

Presuming both of you earn less than £50k each, then the child benefit amounts to about £1,800 a year - cynically I'm not surprised he's not transferred that reliable stream of income back to you... 

Given the ownership of the house (just his name on the title?) as one of the main assets, you definitely need legal advice.

london21

Looking at it might be easier to sell the property on the open market and each gets their 50/50 portion. You getting 25% and remaining in the property will mean you will remain linked.

Also a fresh start.

Jude57

Perhaps I'm being overly cynical here but my first thought is that he wants 50/50 custody of the children so he won't have to give up the Child Benefit or perhaps not have to pay Child Support. Given the other issues, I'd definitely say OP needs to get legal advice sooner rather than later.

OP, depending on your circumstances, you might qualify for additional support through other benefits. Put your figures through https://www.entitledto.co.uk/ to see how your situation would look after separation. You can try putting figures through based on a mortgage or rental and see what you could claim. 

sammyjammy

lisyloo said:

2nd home stamp duty is applicable if buying when still married as a married couple can only have one residence between them.
good spot.

I thought this too however there is another red flag in that OP says property is currently in his name only so with the current proposal of him paying her half the equity where is OPs security that the other half would ever get paid?