Ex wants to keep house

jocstoke

Spendless said:

Why does your ex receive child benefit when you are working part time? Until children are 12 the person receiving CB also gets a NI credit that helps towards your state pension. Which is why it should be paid to the non working or part time working parent (if they don't earn enough to pay NI) 

.https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/benefits/benefits-if-you-have-children/protecting-your-state-pension-when-you-have-a-baby#:~:text=Usually, you'll build up,if you're not earning.

Apologies but I see some red flags here in him trying to control you eg "I certainly wouldn't be able to buy him out and I know he wouldn't agree to the kind of thing he is suggesting for me -"

I'd get some professional advice and I wouldn't agree to what he's proposing without thinking all the implications through. Where would you be able to afford to buy another house if you did what he suggested? Would it be near enough to keep the kids at the same school? 

Thanks, I do earn enough to pay NI. He had the child benefit put in his name so he'd have additional income when he applied for the mortgage 8 years ago (it's in his name only) and just never switched it back despite having many pay  rises since then, just transfers bits to me sometimes when I ask for buying specific things for the kids. I didn't know how much of an issue this would cause later down the line as never saw this situation coming.

I'd be able to buy a house in the next suburb from us a couple of miles away, it would be easy enough to get the kids to school. I agree I do need to consider everything though, just hoping a moderator can help the process be equitable as want to avoid all the costs of doing it through solicitors if possible.

Savvy_Sue

You will have to go to mediation anyway, but personally I think you'd get good value from seeing a solicitor sooner rather than later, to get all your options clear in your head - I don't think it's a mediator's role to suggest all the things you might not have thought of, rather to allow you to listen to and hear each other (hopefully). 

lisyloo

jocstoke said:

No we will be divorcing.
I certainly wouldn't be able to buy him out and I know he wouldn't agree to the kind of thing he is suggesting for me - I'd be able to get even less of the equity in a mortgage, and the cost of the hugh mortgage and paying the high bills would be too much for me. He wants me to increase my hours but hasn't seemed to consider the implications for after school child care, just that it's a magical way to get more money. He also won't sign the child benefit over to me (it gets paid to him) so I can't even apply for universal credit to help me cover the cost of a rental. It's all such a mess. I've suggested going to a moderator which he has agreed to, but not sure how much advice they give. 

You don’t have to buy him out and he does not need to agree.
its not uncommon for the mother and children to stay in the property until the youngest child is 18 (I’m vague about higher education but that’s not important right now) and for fathers to wait a long time to get paid out (gender roles can change but usually it’s that way round).
i think it’s fair to say the system is biased towards mothers (because it’s biased towards children) so don’t underestimate your position, it’s probably stronger than his having been the main career.

undoubtedly it’s better if you come to an agreement without both spending a 5 figure sum on court costs and the emotional turmoil that goes with that but only if the agreement if fair. Currently it appears that it’s to his advantage which is why you need proper advice.
he is making assumptions that may not be valid or practical e.g. your employer is happy to increase your hours.

mediation is a possibility. It’s less confrontational and you only pay once, whereas you both have to pay solicitors separately.

i note a lot of people say sell and there are merits to that but the children lose their home as well.

TripleH

It makes sense to sell the house. What's to stop him refusing to sell in 14 years time and trapping your money in the house. Has he factored in paying your 2nd home stamp duty? (Think that is applicable here).

The child benefit situation needs to be sorted.

lisyloo

2nd home stamp duty is applicable if buying when still married as a married couple can only have one residence between them.
good spot.

doodling

Hi,

lisyloo said:

2nd home stamp duty is applicable if buying when still married as a married couple can only have one residence between them.
good spot.

In the original proposal, the OP would continue to (partially) own their original home after the settlement so would be liable for second home stamp duty on wherever they bought irrespective of the marriage - that would need to be accounted for in any settlement.

Spendless

Was there a reason the property just went into his name? I mean you might have a valid reason. Our house is only in my husband's name. That's because we needed a larger house for our growing family and the house I had bought as a single person was in negative equity, we couldn't afford to sell it. Over the years for various reasons we've never changed it and now it's almost at the end of the mortgage, we'll sort out once paid off.

So far from what you've put. He doesn't want you to claim CB instead of himself. He wants you to work more hours with no thought to the childcare that you would also need. He wants to stay in the house and not give you half the equity. He may just be naive or he could be controlling. I'd really urge you to seek professional advice. 

L9XSS

Look at pension carefully. This could be “earmarked” for you at retirement age. I’m assuming his pension pot is larger than yours. Subsequently any pension sharing could be a lump sum to you once actuaries have worked out the figure. In my case I paid offmyex Wife a lump sum figure that had been determined by my employers pension actuaries.

elsien

You also need to consider worst case scenarios - if you lost your job (for example) would your equity in a house you were no longer living in impact on claiming any means tested benefits? 

london21

Think things through and do not rush into any big decisions.

Buying a property nowadays can be stressful as the asking price not necessarily the sole price.

Also a lof of properties going above asking price.

Will the children be more comfortable staying in the same house or, moving?