How to be assertive

Pollycat

sim2335 said:

I’ve mentioned diffent friends in past it’s one of them.

The obvious answer is to cut him off, but then when I’m meeting him etc or having good conversation I’m glad I have not.

Yes he suggested lying to shop and I would defiantly get a refund.

I have had arguments in past, he says it’s his passion, doesn’t want to see my go wrong and help a friend.

Like if he saw someone driving of a cliff he can’t say nicley please stop.

I think he is genulliy trying to help but I don’t like his tone and his perstiamce 

It’s so hard to find other friends I connect wi

So he is definitely giving you poor advice because he was wrong that they would refund you if you told them your console wasn't working.
Either he isn't as clever as he thinks he is/tries to make out to you or he really isn't genuinely trying to help you.
If it's the former you need to take any advice he gives you with a very, very large pinch of salt.
If it's the latter you need to realise he isn't really a friend. 
Does the way he makes you feel in a good way outweigh all these things you don't like about him?

sim2335

Pollycat said:

sim2335 said:

I’ve mentioned diffent friends in past it’s one of them.

The obvious answer is to cut him off, but then when I’m meeting him etc or having good conversation I’m glad I have not.

Yes he suggested lying to shop and I would defiantly get a refund.

I have had arguments in past, he says it’s his passion, doesn’t want to see my go wrong and help a friend.

Like if he saw someone driving of a cliff he can’t say nicley please stop.

I think he is genulliy trying to help but I don’t like his tone and his perstiamce 

It’s so hard to find other friends I connect wi

So he is definitely giving you poor advice because he was wrong that they would refund you if you told them your console wasn't working.
Either he isn't as clever as he thinks he is/tries to make out to you or he really isn't genuinely trying to help you.
If it's the former you need to take any advice he gives you with a very, very large pinch of salt.
If it's the latter you need to realise he isn't really a friend. 
Does the way he makes you feel in a good way outweigh all these things you don't like about him?

That’s the problem, when I have good times I’m glad I stayed bad times I wish I left can’t decide for certain.

a lot of things he has been right about

I believe he is trying to help, yes he was wrong about that fair enough but I don’t like the way he try’s to force it, as he thinks it’s for my own good

espcially if he convinces me and I do it and it’s wrong

Sncjw

You don't owe him anything you are an adult you make your own decisions. Leave this friend of yours as it sounds like it's causing extra stress on top of other things you have going on and there's no need.. 

MaryNB

sim2335 said:

Pollycat said:

sim2335 said:

I’ve mentioned diffent friends in past it’s one of them.

The obvious answer is to cut him off, but then when I’m meeting him etc or having good conversation I’m glad I have not.

Yes he suggested lying to shop and I would defiantly get a refund.

I have had arguments in past, he says it’s his passion, doesn’t want to see my go wrong and help a friend.

Like if he saw someone driving of a cliff he can’t say nicley please stop.

I think he is genulliy trying to help but I don’t like his tone and his perstiamce 

It’s so hard to find other friends I connect wi

So he is definitely giving you poor advice because he was wrong that they would refund you if you told them your console wasn't working.
Either he isn't as clever as he thinks he is/tries to make out to you or he really isn't genuinely trying to help you.
If it's the former you need to take any advice he gives you with a very, very large pinch of salt.
If it's the latter you need to realise he isn't really a friend. 
Does the way he makes you feel in a good way outweigh all these things you don't like about him?

That’s the problem, when I have good times I’m glad I stayed bad times I wish I left can’t decide for certain.

a lot of things he has been right about

I believe he is trying to help, yes he was wrong about that fair enough but I don’t like the way he try’s to force it, as he thinks it’s for my own good

espcially if he convinces me and I do it and it’s wrong

I've had friends like this, thankfully a lot of those friendships ended. I called them "small doses friends" - fine for a chat over a cup of coffee but anything more and it became stressful. Eventually the bad times outweigh the good and it's not worth it anymore. I now have a much smaller group of friends but significantly less stress and drama in my life. Friends who are there for me without causing me stress. No hidden agendas, no worrying what I've said will be misinterpreted, no ridiculous arguments over petty things.

If he's forcing things and making you do things that he thinks are for your own good but aren't, he's a not a good friend. A good friend would listen to what you want and consider what is actually best for you. Most of the time there's no problem in your friend giving an alternative point of view (although telling you to lie is not one of the times)  but it's up to you to make your own decisions and he needs to respect that. 

This is not being a good friend: 

sim2335 said:

He started a small argument today saying once you get rid of Xbox get a PlayStation straight away

I was like no I will get one when I want one

Then he’s like then ps5 will have good games, so you will miss out on loads of games, won’t have time.

Then he’s like you like rebelling against me that’s why you saying no

He’s like I had to tell you though, I haven’t lost anything, you will lose like you did with PlayStation.

What on earth do I say to all that crap.

The following is not trying to help you. A good friend listens and gives advice but doesn't force a point. If you tell them what you want and that's that, they need to respect that. He wants what he wants for you, not what you want for you. That's not genuinely trying to help.

sim2335 said:

I’ve mentioned diffent friends in past it’s one of them.

The obvious answer is to cut him off, but then when I’m meeting him etc or having good conversation I’m glad I have not.

Yes he suggested lying to shop and I would defiantly get a refund.

I have had arguments in past, he says it’s his passion, doesn’t want to see my go wrong and help a friend.

Like if he saw someone driving of a cliff he can’t say nicley please stop.

I think he is genulliy trying to help but I don’t like his tone and his perstiamce 

It’s so hard to find other friends I connect wi

sim2335

He’s try’s to make himself sound like a good friend, after forcing it and releasing I won’t listen saying it’s up to you, but then making comment like you will lose out I won’t lose anything.

I don’t mind his point of view but when he’s certain it’s right and tries to convince me that’s what I don’t like.

He once told me when you try and genuilly help someone and they don’t listen that’s worst feeling.

No idea why some people so obbsed with what others do I don’t care for example if he has games console or if he’s at home bored, of course I would suggest but wouldn’t care if he listen or not.

Then sometimes he tel me you do whatever you want to do you don’t need to answer to anyone not even me.

MaryNB

sim2335 said:

He’s try’s to make himself sound like a good friend, after forcing it and releasing I won’t listen saying it’s up to you, but then making comment like you will lose out I won’t lose anything.

I don’t mind his point of view but when he’s certain it’s right and tries to convince me that’s what I don’t like.

He once told me when you try and genuilly help someone and they don’t listen that’s worst feeling.

No idea why some people so obbsed with what others do I don’t care for example if he has games console or if he’s at home bored, of course I would suggest but wouldn’t care if he listen or not.

Then sometimes he tel me you do whatever you want to do you don’t need to answer to anyone not even me.

I have the opposite point of view. I hate when I tell somebody what I actually want but they don't listen and can't understand why I don't want what they want. It's fine to suggest an alternative, it's not fine to expect someone to change and get mad because they don't. You are responsible for making your own decisions, not him. 

To me he sounds manipulative. Trying to guilt trip you into doing things he wants. You shouldn't feel bad for not taking his advice on everything. You can acknowledge his point of view but you don't have to change what you want just to make him feel better. Respecting someone's decisions is being an adult. He sounds very immature. 

TBagpuss

Your 'friend' is dishonest - he is trying to encourage you to lie.

You know that the console isn't faulty or damaged, if you tried to claim that it was you would be acting dishonestly, if you succeeded in getting a refund or replacement I am fairly sure that you would be committing a criminal offence, as you would be gaining the money or new console by fraud.

It's probably fairly  unlikely that the retailer would pursues it, if it was a one-off,  but that doesn't make it any less dishonest, and they might very well ban you 

The solution is probably to stop talking to this 'friend' about this issue, and if they bring it up and suggest that you try to take it back then tell them "No, I'm not going to lie" "No, that's dishonest and I am not interested" 

Moving forward, this so-called friend has shown you that they are willing to lie and steal. You can of course chose to continue to be friendly with them but keep that in mind, any advice or suggestions that they might make to you in future should be treated with a lot of suspicion, since you now know that they have, at the very least, exceptionally poor judgment, and are not trustworthy.

It may be that they only lie to or steal from big corporations but I would be very cautious, especially if they eve ask you to pay for anything for them or lend them money, given what you now know about them. 

And if they try to pressure you when you have said no, they are not a good friend, it's fine for someone to give you their opinion or advice, if you ask for it, but if you tell them you have made a decision then they should not be trying to pressure you to change your mind.

On a practical level, if you no longer want the console then look at re-selling it - you won't get full price but if it is in good condition you should be able to get some of its value back. Don't get this 'fiend' to help you, though!

sim2335

A example of why I have not left him.

If I have a day off or weekend we meet now and again and have so much fun, just hanging out.

Now if I left him I would just go out eat and go home, that’s depressing and lonely

Also with my crush he was only person there, with money I lost to someone he Was only person there.

I have decided to keep the console now, I even felt guilty saying it’s not working.

When they gave me such good service when I brought it.

Plus I’ve found out and even Jordon Peterson said everytime he’s seen somone do something bad it always comes back on them, I’m now glad they said no don’t want the guilt and ok with Xbox for now.

He gives his opion other times he goes this is a fact when it isn’t because he thinks it is.

74jax

sim2335 said:

He started a small argument today saying once you get rid of Xbox get a PlayStation straight away

I was like no I will get one when I want one

Then he’s like then ps5 will have good games, so you will miss out on loads of games, won’t have time.

Then he’s like you like rebelling against me that’s why you saying no

He’s like I had to tell you though, I haven’t lost anything, you will lose like you did with PlayStation.

What on earth do I say to all that crap.

If you don't know what to say, tell him so (example) = 'I'm sorry I have no idea how to even answer that !!!!!!, so I'm going to change the subject. What do you fancy to eat'.

To be honest, drama attracts drama. I couldn't be bothered and would rather be alone than treated like that. But that's just me. 

Naomim

One way I deal with people like that is half listen. I agree but then It goes in one ear and out the other and I ignore what they tell me to do. If they ask I just say "oh, I've not got round to it yet, or not had time". They soon get bored of asking me.