Trying to Hide a Secret £20,000 Debt is as Tricky As it Sounds! (:#)

shell16

Hi @CMD79

Do you have a list of all your direct debits from your bank statement Including any Standing orders you have.  It looks like you are surprised when these DD's are due?  It may be worth typing all DD's onto an Excel spreadsheet and printing them off so you can see whats due and when.  This will also help with budgeting.

Thanks
Shell x

CMD79

shell16 said:

Hi @CMD79

Do you have a list of all your direct debits from your bank statement Including any Standing orders you have.  It looks like you are surprised when these DD's are due?  It may be worth typing all DD's onto an Excel spreadsheet and printing them off so you can see whats due and when.  This will also help with budgeting.

Thanks
Shell x

Yep! I do all that!! The problem is when something happens on a date that is different to expected for example. The Car Tax for instance, I thought had come out of my account already, and because it's an annual DD rather than monthly, I forgot to check up on it. The Fluid one, I made a payment extra because it was over the limit and I thought this would be adjusted in the DD, but it wasn't. I'd subscribed to free wine for Father's Day for my husband, and despite my pausing the subscription, they sent the next month anyway!! (That was their fault, and I called them and they told me they were refunding it and stopping the dispatch, but it arrived and they didn't refund it! My mother-in-law turned up and drinks wine like water, so my husband said not to worry, we'd just keep it... but of course, it was out of my account, so I was worried!! But it's that sort of thing that gets me into trouble.)

Don't get me wrong, I know this should be very simple.... it just always goes wrong!    Though this month has been better than last month, and last month was better than the month before, so I am improving  Perhaps I'll start a new DFW challenge: "Getting Through September without Any Admin or Surprise Subscription Renewals!!"

xx

stymied

Is your husband still holding some of the 225 from the end of last month for you? It’s time to use some of that now.

Doris17

Hi, 

Just read you diary, secret debt is horrendous, I was in the same position as you about two years ago. My debt will be under £1000 at the end of the month and cleared by Christmas. Paying back the money has been a struggle some months and I cried some months at the overpayment amount  I was making. Best thing I ever did was pay back the overdraft, felt more in control on payday. 
I still have not told my husband about my debt and have no intentions of doing so. Good luck on your journey will follow and cheer you on from the side lines.

D.

CMD79

stymied said:

Is your husband still holding some of the 225 from the end of last month for you? It’s time to use some of that now.

Alas.... no!  Long story, and I lose myself in what's gone on, but no. I did give him my extra money I've made though from Make £10 A Day Extra, so I have got quite a bit there I can call on.... and will. I'm going to try to see how close I can get to covering it, but will need to ask for around £30 I think, depending on how kind the surveys are. I am waiting for some money from Mystery Shopping which might arrive on time... but might not!

CMD79

Doris17 said:

Hi, 

Just read you diary, secret debt is horrendous, I was in the same position as you about two years ago. My debt will be under £1000 at the end of the month and cleared by Christmas. Paying back the money has been a struggle some months and I cried some months at the overpayment amount  I was making. Best thing I ever did was pay back the overdraft, felt more in control on payday. 
I still have not told my husband about my debt and have no intentions of doing so. Good luck on your journey will follow and cheer you on from the side lines.

D.

Oh wow! Really?!! That's amazing that you're so close to being free!! I previously had a £3000 overdraft, but I got a massive refund from my bank for a packaged bank account I was 'mis sold' which cleared it.

Someone (very harshly imo) judged me very early on in my diary, by pointing out that is not how marriage should be. And absolutely right, it's not how it should be, and I'm certainly not proud of it. But when we're in 'survival mode' I think we need to do what we need to do, and nobody else knows the full story to be able to fully appreciate the potential consequences of our decisions. Only we can do that weigh it all up.

In retrospect, I probably wish I'd been brave enough to have a conversation with him much earlier, but would I have learned my lessons and not gotten in trouble again? Maybe not. I think I needed to hit rock bottom to make sure not to do it again. 

What do you think would happen if you had have told him?

How much did you start with @Doris17?

Thanks for your messaging! I knew I wouldn't have been unique in this, but it does help to hear from someone who has been there too. xxx

Doris17

CMD79 said:

Doris17 said:

Hi, 

Just read you diary, secret debt is horrendous, I was in the same position as you about two years ago. My debt will be under £1000 at the end of the month and cleared by Christmas. Paying back the money has been a struggle some months and I cried some months at the overpayment amount  I was making. Best thing I ever did was pay back the overdraft, felt more in control on payday. 
I still have not told my husband about my debt and have no intentions of doing so. Good luck on your journey will follow and cheer you on from the side lines.

D.

Oh wow! Really?!! That's amazing that you're so close to being free!! I previously had a £3000 overdraft, but I got a massive refund from my bank for a packaged bank account I was 'mis sold' which cleared it.

Someone (very harshly imo) judged me very early on in my diary, by pointing out that is not how marriage should be. And absolutely right, it's not how it should be, and I'm certainly not proud of it. But when we're in 'survival mode' I think we need to do what we need to do, and nobody else knows the full story to be able to fully appreciate the potential consequences of our decisions. Only we can do that weigh it all up.

In retrospect, I probably wish I'd been brave enough to have a conversation with him much earlier, but would I have learned my lessons and not gotten in trouble again? Maybe not. I think I needed to hit rock bottom to make sure not to do it again. 

What do you think would happen if you had have told him?

How much did you start with @Doris17?

Thanks for your messaging! I knew I wouldn't have been unique in this, but it does help to hear from someone who has been there too. xxx

Back in April 2021 the debt was around £16,000. If I had told Mr D we would has been divorced because when we first got together I was in debt. We bought a house together in and the debt was incorporated in the mortgage and I promised that I would never get in debt again and I broke my promise. 

I have been in debt most of my adult life, I wanted to be debt free by 50 but that never happened, the years passed and I was still in the same situation until I set my intention to be debt free before my 55th birthday in 2023. It been a struggle, however with each payment I make a little bit of weight gets lifted off my shoulders. xx

CMD79

Doris17 said:

Back in April 2021 the debt was around £16,000. If I had told Mr D we would has been divorced because when we first got together I was in debt. We bought a house together in and the debt was incorporated in the mortgage and I promised that I would never get in debt again and I broke my promise. 

I have been in debt most of my adult life, I wanted to be debt free by 50 but that never happened, the years passed and I was still in the same situation until I set my intention to be debt free before my 55th birthday in 2023. It been a struggle, however with each payment I make a little bit of weight gets lifted off my shoulders. xx

Wow, you've done really well to get it down at that rate. 

Similar scenario, but we didn't put it in our mortgage. But he didn't know I was adding more on rather than paying it off basically! So he knew I had it, but he thought it was a teeny fraction of what it was. I never outwardly lied to him about that, I just allowed him to believe that to be the case.

Yes, exactly. Every step you take, is a step in the right direction to be debt free by 55! 

CMD79

Hi everyone,

ive had a very busy few days earning money. I’m loving the Make An Extra £10 A Day Challenge, though the group is quite quiet. But anyway, I’ve made £757.90 so far in August!!! And 10 days to go!! 

I know I should pay Very, but the feeling of closing the fluid account I think will be pretty good, so I’m going to do that! I’ll pay the left overs off of Very, and I think I’m ready to start A Payment A Daying from 1st September off Very to aim to get paid off by November with extra earnings. Im due a bonus and a pay rise, so although I don’t know for sure, I think that will cover Very, and a chunk of Next as well by November. 🤞 

Feeling pretty good right now, and I have been invited to do future, extra work 🤩

Doris17

CMD79 said:

Hi everyone,

ive had a very busy few days earning money. I’m loving the Make An Extra £10 A Day Challenge, though the group is quite quiet. But anyway, I’ve made £757.90 so far in August!!! And 10 days to go!! 

I know I should pay Very, but the feeling of closing the fluid account I think will be pretty good, so I’m going to do that! I’ll pay the left overs off of Very, and I think I’m ready to start A Payment A Daying from 1st September off Very to aim to get paid off by November with extra earnings. Im due a bonus and a pay rise, so although I don’t know for sure, I think that will cover Very, and a chunk of Next as well by November. 🤞 

Feeling pretty good right now, and I have been invited to do future, extra work 🤩

You are doing amazingly well. 
Its a great feeling when you can close down an account and not have to worry about it anymore.
D.x