Trying to Hide a Secret £20,000 Debt is as Tricky As it Sounds! (:#)

GeorgianaCavendish

That sounds like a very stressful day - hope you enjoy a nice break at the sunflower farm.

I think you should calm down on the PAYD or at least make that payment into a separate account / pot and decide at the end of the month what you need to do with it. And don't feel bad about needing to dip into it to take money in order to put fuel in the car.It takes a lot of practice to learn how to budget when you have been relying on credit for so long. I made very bad mistakes with overpaying debt at an unsustainable rate very early on in my diary, and I paid for it when I ran out of steam and encountered an emergency whereby I ended up having to revert back to credit cards because I didn't have an emergency fund. 

CMD79

GeorgianaCavendish said:

That sounds like a very stressful day - hope you enjoy a nice break at the sunflower farm.

I think you should calm down on the PAYD or at least make that payment into a separate account / pot and decide at the end of the month what you need to do with it. And don't feel bad about needing to dip into it to take money in order to put fuel in the car.It takes a lot of practice to learn how to budget when you have been relying on credit for so long. I made very bad mistakes with overpaying debt at an unsustainable rate very early on in my diary, and I paid for it when I ran out of steam and encountered an emergency whereby I ended up having to revert back to credit cards because I didn't have an emergency fund. 

Hmm. That does sounds familiar. I think that’s what I’ve been doing for the last 20 years actually when I think about it! I’ve had moments where I’ve had a cash injection, paid a load off, then somehow ended up doubly worse off! 

Now my husband is caught up with this, I’m having him manage my money. So my shopping and negligible disposable income I pay to him and he’ll give me £75 a week for food snd fuel onto our joint cash back account. This gives me a buffer of £45 and will hopefully accumulate a little to cover birthdays and days out. 

So taking your advice, maybe I’ll ask him if I can pay this into his separate account and decide at the end of the month if I can pay it off  or keep a bit there for emergencies. 

Thanks for that Georgina. This is definitely very solid advice! 🤩

Humdinger1

GeorgianaCavendish said:

That sounds like a very stressful day - hope you enjoy a nice break at the sunflower farm.

I think you should calm down on the PAYD or at least make that payment into a separate account / pot and decide at the end of the month what you need to do with it. And don't feel bad about needing to dip into it to take money in order to put fuel in the car.It takes a lot of practice to learn how to budget when you have been relying on credit for so long. I made very bad mistakes with overpaying debt at an unsustainable rate very early on in my diary, and I paid for it when I ran out of steam and encountered an emergency whereby I ended up having to revert back to credit cards because I didn't have an emergency fund. 

I couldn't agree more.  Be kind to yourself; you've taken enormous steps. Am sending you a virtual hat with simply colossal plumes...love Humdinger xx 

Sarahwithlove

Well done for coming clean to hubby i think it's good idea him managing the money and giving you spending money. I think its a good idea to have the extra in spare account then either pay it off the debt or use it to increase budget if emergency situation occurs like the petrol! 

CMD79

Humdinger1 said:

GeorgianaCavendish said:

That sounds like a very stressful day - hope you enjoy a nice break at the sunflower farm.

I think you should calm down on the PAYD or at least make that payment into a separate account / pot and decide at the end of the month what you need to do with it. And don't feel bad about needing to dip into it to take money in order to put fuel in the car.It takes a lot of practice to learn how to budget when you have been relying on credit for so long. I made very bad mistakes with overpaying debt at an unsustainable rate very early on in my diary, and I paid for it when I ran out of steam and encountered an emergency whereby I ended up having to revert back to credit cards because I didn't have an emergency fund. 

I couldn't agree more.  Be kind to yourself; you've taken enormous steps. Am sending you a virtual hat with simply colossal plumes...love Humdinger xx 

Thank you - whatever happens now, with my husband knowing, I'm always going to be better off. If I hadn't have told him how bad it was, the other evening would have been a great deal worse, so those enormous steps have already paid off.

CMD79

Sarahwithlove said:

Well done for coming clean to hubby i think it's good idea him managing the money and giving you spending money. I think its a good idea to have the extra in spare account then either pay it off the debt or use it to increase budget if emergency situation occurs like the petrol! 

Thanks @Sarahwithlove. That is definitely the best way to do it. I think I get the buzz out of the action of making the payment which keeps me going, so maybe I'll change my signature with the tally so I still get the feeling of satisfaction when I pay into it, and it'll make think hard about taking any money out...

I dunno. I feel like I need to look at it every day so I don't so easily forget myself and spend.

How are you doing yours? You've managed to clear a few already, which must feel great! - Are you going by highest interest first looking at how you've listed it out?

GeorgianaCavendish

I really know what you mean about the buzz from making the payments! I think its something that a lot of us chronic spenders feel early on in the journey, it is almost like the behaviour is transferred from spending to making the debt payments. 

Something that I got into last year and has replaced that buzz a little bit are the No Spend Days challenges run by @cathybird on the Debt Free Challenges board. Before I joined, I found the idea of having ANY No Spend Days to be impossible, but it is actually a great way of checking in every day with likeminded people (and you can check in whether you've had a NSD or not) and it helps me to slow down my spending. I like getting the NSDs so if I know I've got a fixed spend day coming up then I will try to delay my discretionary spends until the same day, and I find that by just delaying it I often end up not buying the thing anyway. There is a different challenge every month so you would be in time for August  

CMD79

GeorgianaCavendish said:

I really know what you mean about the buzz from making the payments! I think its something that a lot of us chronic spenders feel early on in the journey, it is almost like the behaviour is transferred from spending to making the debt payments. 

Something that I got into last year and has replaced that buzz a little bit are the No Spend Days challenges run by @cathybird on the Debt Free Challenges board. Before I joined, I found the idea of having ANY No Spend Days to be impossible, but it is actually a great way of checking in every day with likeminded people (and you can check in whether you've had a NSD or not) and it helps me to slow down my spending. I like getting the NSDs so if I know I've got a fixed spend day coming up then I will try to delay my discretionary spends until the same day, and I find that by just delaying it I often end up not buying the thing anyway. There is a different challenge every month so you would be in time for August  

Hmm! That sounds good! I’ll take a look, thanks

CMD79

Hi DFWs!

It's been weird week, and as is my life of living with £20k of debt, a financial rollercoaster! But, I have come out on top in the end. I literally had to stay up all night trying to complete surveys to avoid my DDs bouncing, got stuck away from home with no fuel until my husband bailed me out several hours later, and miraculously, from trying to find extra earnings, have got £225 in my account the day before pay day.... I'm not sure this has ever happened before, but it's making me feel very conflicted in my head. 

At midnight, 2 grand will hit my account. I feel like I've got £225 spare because I haven't ended the month on zero. But August is a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong month until pay day and my daughter is on school holidays. 

Send help! This is only going to go one way!! I've challenged myself to not spend any money until 1st August except for a coffee meetup with a friend on Sunday (£5/6). I have food. I have fuel. The daughter is with her grandparents. This should be easy right???? 

  

theoretica

CMD79 said:

So I only had £4.11 in there!!! I didn't feel like I could call back, so I scratched around the car, the bag etc and found £2.30 in loose change. Oh, the humiliation. I put 3 litres in, and sheepishly went into the kiosk. I apologised and said, "I've just out of money, so can I pay this much and this much." He didn't even flinch. He looked like a man who was well used to this happening.

I think that is a useful point - it may be a new situation to you, but actually there are a lot of people who budget that tightly and shop staff are used to it.

Have you sent back the money your husband sent you?  He might appreciate that - and useful to think of emergency pots as something you need to refill so they are available if you need it again sometime in the future.