Domestic Violence and Financial Abuse - left with £000's worth of debt

theoretica

Looking at your SOA, are the council tax and mobile phone bills typos?  With your daughter a student you should be eligible for the single adult council tax discount, if you don't already get that.  And worth asking for it to be backdated.

powerspowers

Well done for drawing up the soa, it’ll be useful for your next steps too. 

I think with the amount of debt you definitely need debt advice as it’ll be unmanageable otherwise. Don’t worry about having put it off, it’s a normal response, you needed to focus on the here and now to get yourself secure. creditors will have seen worse! 

Have a look at the where to get help sticky and make a plan of which organisation can help. You can do this x

downandoutagain

theoretica said:

Looking at your SOA, are the council tax and mobile phone bills typos?  With your daughter a student you should be eligible for the single adult council tax discount, if you don't already get that.  And worth asking for it to be backdated.

I have council tax arrears of £1630, which i pay £170 pcm.  in april when the new bill comes my usual payments will be £150 pcm.  the £100 difference is the arrears hence £250 pcm council tax. (I am band E, so my bill is huge - thanks to my ex wanting to live a life of luxury in a new house - i already have the student / single discount applied)

with regards to my phone, my account has 2 phones and a watch.  my bill is £45 pcm, the rest is my daughter, she pays for it by sending me the money each month.  but i have put total cost as the contract is in my name. 

Grumpelstiltskin

I guess you don't live in a big city where it would be easy but could your daughter get a small part time job?

Just 5/6 hours a week in a pub or fast food outlet would give her a bit more financial independence and get her in contact with the people she is missing out on by living at home.

With your SOA if you need to do one going forward you must try and work out how much everything is going to increase in the next few months.

downandoutagain

Grumpelstiltskin - this man moved me to a small village with a demographic of less than 10,000 people.  60% of whom are over 65.  one primary school.  one senior school, she has a little job, which helps, but because of where we live there is no decent transport infrastructure, the buses start at 7.30am and finish at 6pm.  and run hourly.  to get to uni on time she gets a taxi twice a week as i am working and that costs £30 each way.  its just so difficult.  lol, even the shops here close on sundays! and there are no buses on sunday...

my ex is a true controlling narcissist, as i said, moved me 80 miles away from home and family and 70 miles away from my job. completely isolated me .  i have no friends and my family no longer want to know.  domestic violence and abuse will taunt me for the rest of my life 

stymied

Try your family again now you’ve thrown your ex out. I’m sure they’re missing you.

Is your mortgage portable? It sounds like you’d ideally like to downsize back to near where your life is?

downandoutagain

stymied said:

Try your family again now you’ve thrown your ex out. I’m sure they’re missing you.

Is your mortgage portable? It sounds like you’d ideally like to downsize back to near where your life is?

i tried, they dont want to know.  i have begged and pleaded.  but come to conclusion that i need to focus on my own recovery and my daughters recovery.  she just about survived this, i need to help her too.

and no its not portable, as i said its a help to buy mortgage, and i cannot get a mortgage due to the defaults on my account. i tried that route already.  even if i sold, there is no guarnatee that in future i would get a mortgage due to my age etc, i have exhausted these options, i have spent two months and so many mortgage brokers.  you have no idea.  there is NO support for victims of financial abuse 

downandoutagain

i like my home, and no, i dont WANT to downsize, but i dont want to give up the only asset I have managed to hold onto.  in april last year my ex said he wanted r rekindle the relationship.... and said that if i wanted him i had to sell the house and move to the states with him to start a new life away from all the trouble here..... so no, i dont want to sell my home. reading in between the lines, it was more lies to get money from me, to likely settle his debt.  he saw me as a cash cow.  he rinsed me of everything, the house is the only thing that he knew i had left 

he forced me to sell one house because of his debt, I am not going to let him do it to me again 

stymied

Sorry I misunderstood your comments about house size and location. Very glad you didn’t sell for him again. You’re so strong 💪 

downandoutagain

i have a question please. 

 

i have tonight punched all my debts etc into StepChange, and it has come back saying i could enter into a DMP.

 

However, when i look at the list of debts, it hasnt included all of them.  Only those that appear to be under £5k.  and for a period of 3 years.

 

any ideas?

 

Also, I have done some reading on 'Responsible lending' and the obligation on my creditors.  i am going to pursue that avenue as well.  because it was clear to see that my income could not cover my debt, yet the borrowing / lending was still increased etc.