Domestic Violence and Financial Abuse - left with £000's worth of debt

swampduck

with regards to my phone, my account has 2 phones and a watch.  my bill is £45 pcm, the rest is my daughter, she pays for it by sending me the money each month.  but i have put total cost as the contract is in my name. 

 Just a minor issue in the grand scheme of things - if your daughter is paying your for her phone - should that not show as other income. Small amount I know!!

downandoutagain

some might say yes, but whilst the contract is in my name it is still my liability. that is how it will be perceived. 

Booklover24

Hello downandoutagain, I'm feeling like that today as well, as I'm heading for a financial crisis, due to some bad news today. I've been there before and got myself out, to the detriment of a special relationship. Long story...
Just saying that you are not alone. Keep strong. We will get through this. 

downandoutagain

Booklover24 said:

Hello downandoutagain, I'm feeling like that today as well, as I'm heading for a financial crisis, due to some bad news today. I've been there before and got myself out, to the detriment of a special relationship. Long story...
Just saying that you are not alone. Keep strong. We will get through this. 

i am not saying i can help, but if you want to share?

kimwp

downandoutagain said:

some might say yes, but whilst the contract is in my name it is still my liability. that is how it will be perceived. 

It is your liability, but you are receiving money towards it. It's important to be accurate, so it would either go on your SOA as just the amount that you net pay or put the money from her as other income, noting what it is.

Humdinger1

@downandoutagain just wanted to say how full of admiration I am for your ability to see what's happening and get out! Coercive control is evil; have you had any advice on reporting it? I know it's one more thing but it could help your situation and those of other people too.  Sounds like this is how he goes through life so a big payback moment is well overdue.   Remember, his behaviour does not define you; well you know that already because you got rid.  We are all here cheering you on love Humdinger x

downandoutagain

@Humdinger1
No, it doesnt define me, but I thought he was the best I could get, so I fought tooth and nail to hold onto him.  even when he was arrested for assault.  I would go to the police, but i am ashamed.  you see when he would start an argument, I was always on my nerves and i would explode, and he recorded me.  since my therapy i have discovered that i had become that way as a form of protection, its like i was mirroring his behaviours because that was the normal environment.  I never really argued with anyone in my life, and most definately not like that, and never violent.  through my domestic aid support I have learnt that this is very common in victims of DA.  i have a long way to go, and I might never totally recover, and there is not enough support for people in my situation.  when i ended up in surgery and barely had use of my arm i knew then that removing him from my life was the right thing.  i have physical scars to go with the emotional ones.  he was a bad bad person.  my mistake was loving a man more than i valued myself.  never again. 

i am not sure that i can report this now, as I removed him from my life a year ago.   

CapricornLass

If the police can believe people who were sexually abused twenty/thirty/forty years ago and still investigate and get convictions, then I would have thought that they would  would have no problems with  the fact that you haven't reported it for over a year  You have been trying to recover and regain your life during that time from a very vulnerable position, and there will also be the notes on your medical records if you are prepared to release that bit to them.  I'm sure they will appreciate and respect that.

Again, no harm in contacting them and seeing what they say.  You might protect some other woman going through what you have experienced at his hands.  Perhaps also talk it over with your care worker, as he/she  go with you to give moral support.  However, you must also consider that it  might be extremely stressful for you.

Whatever, we'll still be rootin for yah! You've come a long way already.  Take care.

swampduck

I can see from earlier threads that someone has suggested that an IVA may be the way forward. Have you tried putting your credit cards and debts into a snowball calculator. You will need the balances, interest rates and probably minimum amounts that you can pay and can then see if snowballing would work for you. Take care.

downandoutagain

my creditors have stopped charging interest and i cant seem to find the snowball calculator.  and I dont want an IVA .  i feel that is not the right option for me right now.