What's my purpose?

fromdusktilldawn

I saw this the other day and it made a lot of sense. Choose your hobbies carefully - one to keep you fit, one to give back and one to fulfill your creative side ! 

sheramber

I agree with bouicca21  that you are experiencing grief. 

When my husband died my GP told me I was not depressed, I was suffering from grief.  I agreed with this as , like you, I accepted my husband was gone.  I was not waiting for him to come through the door.

You have lost your way if life and  are searching for the new you. 

Your purpose now is what you make now it rather than what it was.  It takes time to adjust to this new way of life.

Sharing with others in the same position might help. Only those who have been through it really know what it is like.

I found an online group for 'widows and widowers' was very helpful.

pollypenny

It's still very early days, gettingthere.   As said, there's different sorts of volunteering, not all seem like work.  I volunteered as a theatre usher until my hearing became so bad. 

What about a course or a joining a drama group, a walking group or similar?  

Flugelhorn

fromdusktilldawn said:

I saw this the other day and it made a lot of sense. Choose your hobbies carefully - one to keep you fit, one to give back and one to fulfill your creative side ! 

that is a very useful way of looking it at - my community gardening, knitting and walking on the beach fulfil those, don't need to feel bad for not doing anything else

Racky_Roo

Maybe you need some plans. Generally you probably would have had things to look forward to. Have you through about planning some things? Buying a new car, planning and researching a holiday, moving house, then that gives you goals to work towards

london21

gettingtheresometime said:

Firstly let me stress I'm not suicidal. 

As posted before I became a widow at the grand old age of 53 quite suddenly back in October and as strange as it sounds I can deal with the fact my husband died. I've accepted that. I've accepted that the life I thought I was going to have is not going to happen and I'm on a completely different path now.

I'm struggling with the lack of purpose in my life though.

We've got a grown up son who had left home well before before his dad died & I can't live my life through him. Have no grandchildren and I doubt I'll ever be a grandmother. Again I can't dictate how his lives his life.

Our married life was a hybrid of a modern & traditional one - we both shared the household chores but I felt that it was my job to make sure that the household ran smoothly so he only had to worry about running the company so it was me that made sure meals were planned, shopping done, that sort of thing. 

Now I haven't got that. I get up, go to work come home with a little going out but that's it. 

I've tried telling people how I feel & for purpose they're hearing lonely. Yes I am lonely but I can deal with that. It's the lack of purpose I'm really struggling with.

Any words of advice ?

It seems you are still adjusting to the new normal. Everyone copes differently.

It can take some time to adjust and there is nothing wrong with taking your time.

I find that focusing on purpose can be overwhelming. In my late 20s, I read and researched so much about living a purposeful life. Now about to be 32, I am living my life and being intentional.

Do not be too hard on yourself.

Take baby steps forward.

Someone's purpose could be volunteering their time to things you are interested in, getting into your hobbies and interests.to

Also, focus on pouring into yourself first before others. You cannot give what you do not have.

Do things you enjoy more. If you enjoy listening to music, journaling, exercising, socialising, knitting, traveling etc

TripleH

Your purpose is what "you" decide it should be.

Finding out what that purpose is can be your purpose. Don't fret you never find it, that's half the fun.

The best part of the journey is getting there, once you arrive the adventure is over.

-taff

I feel the same way and my OH is still around. I am still recovering from cancer treatment and I haven't worked since I was diagnosed. Don't get me wrong, I love not working, I am in no way minded to go back to a grind if I can help it.

I too have been feeling a bit purposeless though, I have plenty of hobbies but haven't done any of them recently except reading.I'm not sure what the answer is as far as purpose. It seems to me we all just kill time in between being born and dying by doing things that either make us happy or don't make us happy. I suppose a trick would be deciding what exactly makes you happy, and try and do more of it. Do you want to do further education, do you want to help people, do you want to volunteer at a shelter, a charity shop, a food bank, do you want to be doing as little as possible. Is your current job something you enjoy doing, if not, can you change to something that you do?

Are you sure you're purposeless or are you feeling useless in that you think you don't fulfill a function any more, you're no longer a team and one half of one. we all like to belong in a social group of some kind, maybe try some meet ups [there's a website] and meeting new people. I've heard it said that only in Greece does a persons socila network increase when you get older, everywhere else it declines...Maybe it's time to increase your network doing things with other like minded people so you can at least get out of a rut of same same.

Archergirl

Why do you think you need a purpose? I'm not sure I have one but I have never thought about it really, we get up, do what we want then got to bed  and repeat. The reason you might need a purpose is to be of use to others, but you don't 'need' to do that all the time, take time for yourself, maybe sort out a hobby or 2, go on holiday and just live your life xx

GaleSF63

October to now is not very long 4-5 months. Apart from the actual loss it was a shock and that takes time to get over. You are still grieving - you don't need to be worrying about purpose - that worry in itself is an extra burden. Your purpose, energy and enjoyment of life will come back in it's own time. Just let things happen. (If you can; I used to get angry and upset at the silliest things, for example if Tesco didn't have what I wanted!)

You are having to deal with the shock of the suddenness as well. When I was widowed (at 44) it was by no means sudden and yet it was still a shock, which I didn't expect. I didn't have a job, as I'd given it up to look after my DH. I didn't have children. As I knew it was coming I actually thought I'd cope with it but I didn't. I just gradually got on top of things, and enjoyed having a new job in a few months).