Ethical question - do I leave someone out of my will?

Grumpy_chap

Only you can make the decision as to what to leave to whom.

If your decision is to leave in anything other than equal shares, it may be prudent to include a statement of reasoning with the will so that your decision is less open to challenge.  If you still have it, you might even chose to append the negative letter that you received from one of the children as your wish respecting their choice.

Voyager2002

AyJaydee said:

I have an ethical question that is driving me to distraction and I just don’t know what to do about it...

My wife and I are about to write our wills. It is second-marriage for both of us and we each have two grown-up children from previous marriages.

I left my ex with a decent sized house. She is now remarried and there are no other children.

My dilemma concerns one of my two. When my first marriage broke up, I was portrayed as the villain. Both children changed their Surnames as soon as they reached 18. One of them has an ‘invisible disability’, so I have to make allowance for that and presume that he did not understand the hurt that caused me. We keep in touch but I fear that his career prospects are limited, so I would like to leave something for a deposit to get him into, modest, home ownership. He lives with his mother.

The other one is a different matter, making their own way in the world, a degree, prospects and living independently. However, over the years, I was blamed for absolutely everything, there seemed no limit to the fury that was hurled at me.  This ended a few years back with a letter indicating that they wanted nothing more to do with me. There has been no contact since.

So when I come to writing my will, after making sufficient provision for my wife, do I leave everything else to just the one offspring and disinherit the other, or treat them equally?

Thank you

It really is up to you.

One of your children (a) is apparently doing well and has no particular need for an inheritance, and (b) wrote making it clear that they did not want any further contact, something that you have respected. Respecting their wishes means excluding them from your legacy: you could include a brief explanation of this in your will.

As for the child with the 'invisible disability', you might consider assisting with a house purchase now rather than leaving it until many years in the future. I would also worry that a vulnerable person's legacy might be separated from them fairly rapidly (you could protect against this possibility by setting up some kind of trust, but would require the assistance of a lawyer).

Pennylane

clearancer said:

Depends on home much aggravation you want to cause after your death! My friend (Julie) dad died. She is one of two sisters. Dad left everything to Julie. Sister (Diane) was so angry/vindictive she called the police, called Julie’s work, called social services, accusing Julie of abusing dad, abusing her, stealing from work, stealing from her, etc. Made Julie’s life so awful that Julie split the inheritance. Even then Diane didn’t believe she got half. Money is poison to some

Some people are like Diane but do it even before the poor person has passed away. They are worried they are going to lose out on something.

theoretica

Another consideration is potential grandchildren.

Pennylane

I can fully understand why you want to provide more to your child with the hidden disability.  Presumably they are on benefits and if they inherit a large sum of money it will affect their benefits and will probably stop them altogether.  It is then very difficult to get back on benefits and you have to account for how you spent  the money.  

A man we know has special needs and has never worked due to his disability. he won £25k on a lottery ticket so all his benefits stopped as he had to inform them.  His mother had to help him keep track of how he spent it and much of it went on basic household items like washing machine, new cooker, new carpets, decorating etc.

Just wondering whether you could help him with buying a small property now rather than when you pass away.

I would also include the other child in the Will, maybe a couple of thousand as a token gesture but explain why you have provided much more to the other child, ie because they need it due to their disability.  That’s just my opinion!