Is it rude to pester my mother about creating a will?

Pollycat

KxMx said:

I think it's a good subject to keep bringing up, but you can't force her to make one and if she decides not to then that is her right. 

I would not take kindly to anyone who kept bringing up the subject of making a will.

Drawingaline

74jax said:

Drawingaline said:

My in laws are similar. The problem we have is that they are not married and he is not my husband's biological father. If she goes first the house will go to the partner and then if he makes no will it will go to his (very very very well off) family and my husband would get nothing. Now this wouldn't be an issue if we knew this is what they wanted, but they constantly go on about how my husband will get the house/money (depending on care costs etc) so we know this is what they want. But still no wills. 

I have got to the point where I just shut down every conversation they raise about it with, well you need to make a will if this is what you want to happen. Still nothing. Chances are he will go first (largish age difference and health issues) but you can't rely on that. I am just the broken record on it now, but I don't bring it up first anymore. 

If the worst happens, we will accept it, but we have a will in place and will ensure it is up to date as we age. 

@Drawingaline
 Do they know, as it stands this won't happen if mum goes first? If so, sadly I think you have to accept what they say and what they are happy to happen are 2 different things. 
If they don't know, then I'd tell them once and if it's mentioned again just keep saying 'no that is not what will happen'. Hopefully they'll start to believe you. 
It needs doing now too, before incapacity and its too late.

Could they not own the house as tenants in common, so at least your son gets his mother's half. So no will needed? Would that help?  With no will, they are right, your husband would get his mother's money (not her partner). Same with the partners money - that would go to his family. 

Yes they know. I have discussed it at length with them. If she goes first technically my husband would have claim on money and possessions. However any joint account would go to fil. It wasn't an issue as for years and years they lived in a house she owned in her name. Then they moved and bought together. 

After a few years of discussion I decided I wouldn't engage any more and like I said, I am now, you need to make wills or worst case it will all go to his family. She is still relatively young and there is an age difference, so we have everything crossed that the worst doesn't happen. We hope they both have many more years yet, and I would rather they spent the money themselves rather than it went to his family if that isn't what they want. (No issue with his family, but they absolutely do not need anything and he doesn't have his own kids so we are talking neices and nephews, whereas anything left would really help our kids out) 

Nothing stranger than other folks is there? 😂

Primrose

We have a family where  was a massive historical bust up over a Will which lasted for years yet my parents still refused to make one.  In the end I just said "look, I don't care if you leave everything to the cat's home but don't let your lasting legacy to us be a repeat of Xxx'ss Will saga which taints the rest of our lives too.  I,ll make an appointment for you with a solicitor and sit outside while you tell him what you want to happen"

They finally got the message.  I think they just felt a bit overwhelmed by the whole business and needed to have the way eased for them.  If your parent has had no familiarity with these legal procedures it,s easy to feel overwhelmed and out of your depth.  You may have to smooth the way to make the process feel less intimidating.

Mojisola

Grumpy_chap said

If I was being pestered to write a will, I'd make the requestor Executor and leave them nothing.  

In which case, the executor would most likely step down. 

SootySweep1

Depends upon your relationship with your mother !
Of my brothers & sisters I probably have the most contact with my parents.
I've made it clear that I don't give a toss what my parents do with their money but my concern is what if they fall ill & lose capacity to make decisions & manage their finances. I'd like them to think about it & put it in place legally what they'd like to happen so that whoever ( probably me) can fulfill their wishes.

[Deleted User]

SootySweep1 said:

Depends upon your relationship with your mother !
Of my brothers & sisters I probably have the most contact with my parents.
I've made it clear that I don't give a toss what my parents do with their money but my concern is what if they fall ill & lose capacity to make decisions & manage their finances. I'd like them to think about it & put it in place legally what they'd like to happen so that whoever ( probably me) can fulfill their wishes.

My main concern is that she doesn't have a will and everything I left in a mess for us to untangle; her debt etc.

I'm the only sibling that owns (with a mortgage) a property. If anything, I don't need anything and have advised her to leave me out. I'm not wealthy, but my brothers will benefit more. I'm also the sibling who it's very likely will fall on to untangle her mess of an estate.

Just think she should just do it, as it's nothing major. 

TripleH

Remember it's not just wills. Pension schemes often gave beneficiary payouts that need considering.

RAS

I'd suggest that if she fails to make a will, you advise your brothers take on the administration, rather than accepting the stress of the mess just because that is your family role?

You're not going to be that phased if it takes ages or there's rumblings between siblings so let them get on with it. And explain why.

[Deleted User]

Spoke to her about it today and she's just being nonsensical. Says she wants things to go to her grandchildren and special requirements around them getting good grades etc. before any payout. Told her for that to happen she needs to make a will. She then says she doesn't....

I just left it... 

Thanks for the responses guys. 

Savvy_Sue

Maybe a more productive response would be "that sounds a bit complicated, do you want me to help you find a solicitor to run through it with you?"

May or may not help, but my thinking is that it gets her closer to seeing a professional who can spell out what happens without a will ...