Is it rude to pester my mother about creating a will?

180 Posts

My mum is in her 60s, 3 children, 6 grand children, not married and owns her home outright; though she does have about £40k in debts to a personal friend and the council.
As I was updating my will last year, it came to light she didn't have one or intend on doing one. I mentioned she could do one online for free but it's been almost a year and she hasn't done it.
How important is it that she does one and am I right for pestering her a little? Pestering may be an exaggeration as I've only really reminded her that it's something she really should do, but after reading a little online, it turns out her estate will just be divided amongst her children if she doesn't have one.
I was/am under the assumption that things can get complicated if there is no will. But, as she's not married or living with a partner, things will just go to us anyway.
As I was updating my will last year, it came to light she didn't have one or intend on doing one. I mentioned she could do one online for free but it's been almost a year and she hasn't done it.
How important is it that she does one and am I right for pestering her a little? Pestering may be an exaggeration as I've only really reminded her that it's something she really should do, but after reading a little online, it turns out her estate will just be divided amongst her children if she doesn't have one.
I was/am under the assumption that things can get complicated if there is no will. But, as she's not married or living with a partner, things will just go to us anyway.
0
Latest MSE News and Guides
Replies
In theory it should not make much difference as her estate will be split evenly between her 3 children, but a will will ensure she can choose her executors and is really needed to cater for minor legacies and to cater for what if situations such as one of her children pre-deceasing her.
So to answer your question, no it is not rude to pester her on this, and while you are at it point out the danger of her not making lasting powers of attorney for welfare and finances.
If I was being pestered to write a will, I'd make the requestor Executor and leave them nothing.
I would not want to be Executor of a will where there are large amounts of informal loans to be repaid to friends. How are these arrangements detailed? What stops the "friend" coming back and saying it was not £40k, it was £140k?
You can advice her or bring it up but up to her if she wants to or not.
I have got to the point where I just shut down every conversation they raise about it with, well you need to make a will if this is what you want to happen. Still nothing. Chances are he will go first (largish age difference and health issues) but you can't rely on that. I am just the broken record on it now, but I don't bring it up first anymore.
If the worst happens, we will accept it, but we have a will in place and will ensure it is up to date as we age.
Do they know, as it stands this won't happen if mum goes first? If so, sadly I think you have to accept what they say and what they are happy to happen are 2 different things.
If they don't know, then I'd tell them once and if it's mentioned again just keep saying 'no that is not what will happen'. Hopefully they'll start to believe you.
It needs doing now too, before incapacity and its too late.
Could they not own the house as tenants in common, so at least your son gets his mother's half. So no will needed? Would that help? With no will, they are right, your husband would get his mother's money (not her partner). Same with the partners money - that would go to his family.