Grandmother causing problems by lying

briskbeats

My grandmother is 95 soon and she's causing so much grief and stress. She lies all the time and makes up stories about things. This infuriates my father. She's not eating as lost so much weight. My grandmother claims she's 10st. More like 7! Then the other day, mum put something into her wheelie bin and noticed a load of food thrown in there - still in date, nothing wrong with it. My grandmother does this so it looks like she's eating. Mum managed to retrieve the food that wasn't originally fresh - tins, packets etc from the bin and put them back in the kitchen cupboards. Then claims to have cleaners come once a week. Well, that's a lie as Dad as put a Ring doorbell and sees people like postman, prescription delivery driver, my uncle etc - no cleaners. My grandmother cannot cope on her own. She wouldn't cope in a care home as had a family member going through a similar thing 20 years ago went into one and caused havoc for the staff and fellow residents. 


We are unable to check on her often as we live 2 hours away. Her other son's family - all living within a few miles of my grandmother do very little. Just buy groceries with little thought - as includes things she cannot open due to sight problems and severe arthritis and things she doesn't eat - pasta ready meals etc. I let off my uncle this time as had major surgery a few days ago and unable to drive for 7 weeks. Yet my cousins do FA. Think losing all her friends hasn't helped.

I feel so bad unable to help my grandmother as my parents attend to her on weekends, when I am working. My dad is so stressed out with her lies and things she says to change the subject. She wasn't like this until 2 years ago and its got worse.

I keep saying to my parents, that she has dementia and they don't think so.

Any strategies to help without looking obvious?

JGB1955

She isn't lying - she's super-confused, and not coping.  Perhaps contact the local Adult Social Services team?

74jax

I was going to say the same as above. Its not lying. 
It's frustrating, my mam had dementia and would sware blind she'd eaten, even to the point of she was full...... She genuinely believed she had.
She'd throw things away, hide things, put things away and forget. 
I contacted her doctor and asked for the Social Services contact for new referrals. Once she had a social worker things improved - a little. 

theoretica

It is horrible when parents/grandparents are no longer themselves - and don't want the help they need.  I agree with others that the family needs to talk to professionals.

london21

Lying likely not the right word, she is 95.

She needs care and medical attention.

As people age they sometimes deteriorate.

She might need care, someone living with her or at least visiting and checking on her regularly.

briskbeats

74jax said:

I was going to say the same as above. Its not lying. 
It's frustrating, my mam had dementia and would sware blind she'd eaten, even to the point of she was full...... She genuinely believed she had.
She'd throw things away, hide things, put things away and forget. 
I contacted her doctor and asked for the Social Services contact for new referrals. Once she had a social worker things improved - a little. 

She is like your mam. Last month, my grandmother threw her radio in the wheelie bin, as wasn't 'working' - it was. She must had switched it off the mains the previous time. She lacks stimulation which is very difficult to achieve if you can't see - macular and cataracts, and struggle to walk even with a walker.

The eating is very similar. The last time I was there, last month - we had ploughmans lunch. She accused mum of not putting any tomatoes out when she already ate the two she put out on the plate....

briskbeats

theoretica said:

It is horrible when parents/grandparents are no longer themselves - and don't want the help they need.  I agree with others that the family needs to talk to professionals.

She says there's nothing wrong with her bar the eyes and arthritis - so stubborn. The stubbornness in people has let them down and wish they would see through this. 

elsien

And she’s not being stubborn. Stubborn implies she’s doing it deliberately. She’s either genuinely not aware of the issues, or is scared to acknowledge them because of the implications. 

Calling her a liar and stubborn doesn’t help her, and it doesn’t help family in dealing with it. 

You may need to reconsider your approach at the times you are with her and noticing these things. 

74jax

briskbeats said:

74jax said:

I was going to say the same as above. Its not lying. 
It's frustrating, my mam had dementia and would sware blind she'd eaten, even to the point of she was full...... She genuinely believed she had.
She'd throw things away, hide things, put things away and forget. 
I contacted her doctor and asked for the Social Services contact for new referrals. Once she had a social worker things improved - a little. 

She is like your mam. Last month, my grandmother threw her radio in the wheelie bin, as wasn't 'working' - it was. She must had switched it off the mains the previous time. She lacks stimulation which is very difficult to achieve if you can't see - macular and cataracts, and struggle to walk even with a walker.

The eating is very similar. The last time I was there, last month - we had ploughmans lunch. She accused mum of not putting any tomatoes out when she already ate the two she put out on the plate....

Very similar. Mam too was partially sighted.... Its hard and I honestly do feel for you.
Mam would watch the same Agatha Christie film over and over, and never got bored of it. She couldn't read, but insisted on having a paper delivered..... 

We started slowly, someone coming in to wash her hair once a week.  A pamper we called it. Then someone coming in to do her nails (feet too).  Meals on wheels didn't work due to her not being hungry or saying they were forcing meals on her, so we found Wiltshire Farm Food amazing. 

It is very very small, baby steps. Not too much change at once. 

london21

If as a family you are struggling to help and cope.

Get her professional help. GP, Social worker etc. 

pinkshoes

You need to get her assessed.

It is confusion, not lying.

My gran had a mini stroke and the bit of her brain that signaled hunger stopped working so she lost about 8 stone and forgot to eat and then threw out the food. 

We got her assessed and she was moved into sheltered housing where they could offer support. A year later she was put into a nursing home as she had a habit of escaping and needed somewhere more secure!

I hope you find a solution. Start speaking to perhaps her GP?