Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay for my fiancee's family's accommodation at our wedding?

REJP

No.  What dilemma?

Milie

I totally agree that memorable weddings don't need to cost thousands. My ex-partner's cousin Den invited us to his marriage in Bali and then, when it became clear that not a lot of people planned to go,  arranged a 'service of blessing' at home. My hair was clean and best dress had plenty of wear left in it so I didn't need to buy anything and it was a nice day. A couple of years later, I was puzzled when my partner's mother asked if we were going to Den's wedding. The blighter had divorced after a year and was marrying again. Just don't let the wedding be the be all and end all. We went to a lovely wedding with sausage and mash in a pub afterwards and I've just been to one in a wood with a pizza van. We all rocked up early to make the salads. Choice was camping or nearby BnB.

Matilda542

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

Our wedding venue has eight rooms to stay in, three of which are being used by my fiancee and I, and our parents. We've offered the remaining five to my fiancee's family as they have the furthest to travel. My family's quite large, so we're paying more for all of them to attend the wedding - should we also pay for accommodation for my fiancee's family to 'even things up'?

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Weddings are stressful enough without having to worry about booking and paying for rooms. If you do it could turn into a nightmare

MalMonroe

Going against the grain here (I can't understand why people are saying no) and saying yes. Treat everyone the same, why not?

Either pay for everybody or nobody. But paying for some and not others may lead to trouble. 

Personally, I'd elope to Gretna Green. Far more romantic and that way, everyone will be miffed at you both, equally. You could have a big party when you get back and pay for the 'do' but everyone has to pay for their own accommodation. That'd give them a bit more time to save up for their accommodation, too. 

But I wouldn't ever consider being unfair. 

maisie_cat

Coletteem said:

When my husband and I got married 6 years ago, we chose a venue that included the hotel rooms in with the total price, because we didn’t want anyone to be out of pocket for us. We paid for everything ourselves and saved until we had enough money to have the Wedding we wanted. Why should people be out of pocket because you choose to get married? We even said that their presence was our present so didn’t do a present list. Some people have to take a day or two off work, buy new clothes, get their hair done, pay for travel etc so we didn’t want then having any additional costs, so it was lovely to say that their accommodation and breakfast was included. I just think it’s the right thing to do. 

That's what we did, the venue had 16 rooms and we had a small wedding so paid for all the rooms. We didn't want presents either, but in the end created an Oxfam list.

crmism

The bride’s family should most definitely pay for their accommodation and not expect the happy couple to fork out for it; they have a clear choice, ie attend the wedding and go home directly after the reception or find a B & B nearby and stay there one night.

honestcove

You’ve already offered the rooms to one side of the family and not the other so you’ve already treated the two families differently. Potentially, One person ends their evening with a pleasant leisurely stroll up stairs to a lovely suite; whereas the other has to hire a cab and travel to a drab motel on the edge of an industrial estate. It would really cap things off if the second person then finds out that the first had their lodgings paid for as well. Stop digging.

stevie101

Androo_2 said:

I'd say no, save the money for your honeymoon, your house deposit, whatever.... Weddings are expensive enough without finding reasons to spend more money!

The miserable sods should be helping YOU to pay towards you wedding! Not draining your much needed cash for setting up your new future!

Ringo90

Coletteem said:

When my husband and I got married 6 years ago, we chose a venue that included the hotel rooms in with the total price, because we didn’t want anyone to be out of pocket for us. We paid for everything ourselves and saved until we had enough money to have the Wedding we wanted. Why should people be out of pocket because you choose to get married? We even said that their presence was our present so didn’t do a present list. Some people have to take a day or two off work, buy new clothes, get their hair done, pay for travel etc so we didn’t want then having any additional costs, so it was lovely to say that their accommodation and breakfast was included. I just think it’s the right thing to do. 

I wish all the couples had your mentality. I am an Italian who moved to the UK and I'm in that age where most of my friends and some relatives are getting married, with an average of 2 weddings invitations per year. Some of these are people I knew before moving, so Italians living in Italy who marry in Italy. The other half is mostly Italians living in UK like me, and none of them wants to marry in UK apparently, but prefer to do it in their home country.
This results in me having to travel many times a year just to attend their weddings, with the consequent effort in terms of time off work, money, and so on that is higher than the average wedding guest. Especially now with COVID.
Well, nobody ever offered accommodation, or offered to spare me of their wedding gift (in many parts of Italy a wedding gift must be worth a minimum of £200-250 to be considered acceptable). Not even when I had to pay £200+ just in COVID tests. The worst one has been one bride specifically requesting a weekend out in yet another country of her choice for the hen party, obviously paid by her friends.
That's how spoiled grooms and brides are today.

JayD

You are very unclear in this dilemma.

You say "three of which are being used by my fiancee and I, and our parents.", so I assume that both sets of parents are having their accommodation paid for by you and your fiancee. So who are "the remaining five to my fiancee's family" that you feel it necessary to pay for? Surely paying for the parents on both sides is enough?