Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay for my fiancee's family's accommodation at our wedding? 1 February 2022 at 5:18PM edited 1 February 2022 at 5:19PM in Weddings & anniversaries 39 replies 27.1K views

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

Our wedding venue has eight rooms to stay in, three of which are being used by my fiancee and I, and our parents. We've offered the remaining five to my fiancee's family as they have the furthest to travel. My family's quite large, so we're paying more for all of them to attend the wedding - should we also pay for accommodation for my fiancee's family to 'even things up'?

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Androo_2

I'd say no, save the money for your honeymoon, your house deposit, whatever.... Weddings are expensive enough without finding reasons to spend more money!

Matt8888

No. I barely even follow the logic to be honest.

mfcgibbs

Are the rooms included as part of the venue hire? If so, I would personally not ask for money for them, as it’s part of the venue fee I’d have budgeted for. 

If they are not included as part of your venue fee, and your wedding is in this country, my personal opinion is not to pay for them - allow family to pay if they want to stay there - but also don’t expect them to if there are cheaper places nearby. 

If the wedding is abroad, my opinion is that you should pay for them for family as people will have already spent £££ just getting there to be there for you.

Hope this is useful!

mfcgibbs

mfcgibbs said:

Are the rooms included as part of the venue hire? If so, I would personally not ask for money for them, as it’s part of the venue fee I’d have budgeted for. 

If they are not included as part of your venue fee, and your wedding is in this country, my personal opinion is not to pay for them - allow family to pay if they want to stay there - but also don’t expect them to if there are cheaper places nearby. 

If the wedding is abroad, my opinion is that you should pay for them for family as people will have already spent £££ just getting there to be there for you.

Hope this is useful!

By the way - this was irrespective of ‘evening things up’ - things don’t need to be even at a wedding and they rarely are - it doesn’t matter.

keithyno.1

If you can afford it, then sure. If you can’t, don’t. It’s as simple as that, really.

CapeTown

Simple answer is no. Not even a moral dilemma. 

Coletteem

When my husband and I got married 6 years ago, we chose a venue that included the hotel rooms in with the total price, because we didn’t want anyone to be out of pocket for us. We paid for everything ourselves and saved until we had enough money to have the Wedding we wanted. Why should people be out of pocket because you choose to get married? We even said that their presence was our present so didn’t do a present list. Some people have to take a day or two off work, buy new clothes, get their hair done, pay for travel etc so we didn’t want then having any additional costs, so it was lovely to say that their accommodation and breakfast was included. I just think it’s the right thing to do. 

L'il_sis

Wedding decisions should not be based on evening up. This is your special
day and you choose who to invite, your budget etc. I have 6 siblings whereas my husband has one brother so our wedding was never going to be “even”. I personally don’t think you should feel any obligation to pay for guest accommodation unless there is a real
financial challenge for those family members. Good luck and enjoy your special day 

newpuppy

Coletteem said:

When my husband and I got married 6 years ago, we chose a venue that included the hotel rooms in with the total price, because we didn’t want anyone to be out of pocket for us. We paid for everything ourselves and saved until we had enough money to have the Wedding we wanted. Why should people be out of pocket because you choose to get married? We even said that their presence was our present so didn’t do a present list. Some people have to take a day or two off work, buy new clothes, get their hair done, pay for travel etc so we didn’t want then having any additional costs, so it was lovely to say that their accommodation and breakfast was included. I just think it’s the right thing to do. 

What a breath of fresh air!  What, to the bride, promises to be a dream come true can be a nightmare for guests, who actually don't want to take time off work, spend a fortune on presents and getting kitted out, the travel, kennelling the dogs, childcare - and maybe don't even want to be there.  The arrival of a wedding invitation shouldn't mean hassle for the guests.

Pollycat

Whatever happened to getting married at a local church or Register office and having your reception at a nearby location without requirement for an overnight stay?