Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay for my fiancee's family's accommodation at our wedding?

sinesteele

Pollycat said:

Whatever happened to getting married at a local church or Register office and having your reception at a nearby location without requirement for an overnight stay?

People don’t live with their parents until they get married and marry someone from the same home town anymore. Guests have to travel even if couple marry at venue right next to their house.

Swales31

Pollycat said:

Whatever happened to getting married at a local church or Register office and having your reception at a nearby location without requirement for an overnight stay?

What happened is that many people now meet at university, or have to move around for work. It only takes one generation of people who've had to do this and suddenly all of your friends and relations of a similar age are scattered throughout the country, and in some cases the world. In short, what happened is that we're living at the sharp end of capitalism and not the rose-tinted past.

Swales31

newpuppy said:

Coletteem said:

When my husband and I got married 6 years ago, we chose a venue that included the hotel rooms in with the total price, because we didn’t want anyone to be out of pocket for us. We paid for everything ourselves and saved until we had enough money to have the Wedding we wanted. Why should people be out of pocket because you choose to get married? We even said that their presence was our present so didn’t do a present list. Some people have to take a day or two off work, buy new clothes, get their hair done, pay for travel etc so we didn’t want then having any additional costs, so it was lovely to say that their accommodation and breakfast was included. I just think it’s the right thing to do. 

What a breath of fresh air!  What, to the bride, promises to be a dream come true can be a nightmare for guests, who actually don't want to take time off work, spend a fortune on presents and getting kitted out, the travel, kennelling the dogs, childcare - and maybe don't even want to be there.  The arrival of a wedding invitation shouldn't mean hassle for the guests.

This is true and it's a lovely thing to do if you can afford it. However, most couples can't and that shouldn't stop them being able to get married if they want to. What would be better for all is if guests stopped feeling obliged to attend weddings if it will cause them stress and worry. Instead they could suggest having the couple round for dinner, going for a walk, etc. There are plenty of ways to show you care for a couple that are much better than attending a wedding you can't afford and resent being at.

Pollycat

Swales31 said:

Pollycat said:

Whatever happened to getting married at a local church or Register office and having your reception at a nearby location without requirement for an overnight stay?

What happened is that many people now meet at university, or have to move around for work. It only takes one generation of people who've had to do this and suddenly all of your friends and relations of a similar age are scattered throughout the country, and in some cases the world. In short, what happened is that we're living at the sharp end of capitalism and not the rose-tinted past.

People met at university even in the 'rose-tinted past'.

sinesteele said:

Pollycat said:

Whatever happened to getting married at a local church or Register office and having your reception at a nearby location without requirement for an overnight stay?

People don’t live with their parents until they get married and marry someone from the same home town anymore. Guests have to travel even if couple marry at venue right next to their house.

Some people live in the same town as their partners and parents.

Someone I worked with lived in the same town as their partners and parents but chose a wedding venue 50 miles away for their wedding thus ensuring that everybody had to travel.

Necessary?
I don't think so.

denem

Only if you can afford it.
My experience is that it may be cheaper to book through Trivago or Booking.com than pay the price the hotel asks for wedding guests. Check it. 

wakeymum

If you are paying for your family to stay at the venue then you should pay for his as well, it's both of you getting married so both families are important. If your parents are paying then a different scenario.

Avatar73

Pollycat said:

Whatever happened to getting married at a local church or Register office and having your reception at a nearby location without requirement for an overnight stay?

Globalization, the internet, and long distance relationships?

Maybe a lot of modern enabling technology didn't exist when you grew up.

Pollycat

Avatar73 said:

Pollycat said:

Whatever happened to getting married at a local church or Register office and having your reception at a nearby location without requirement for an overnight stay?

Globalization, the internet, and long distance relationships?

Maybe a lot of modern enabling technology didn't exist when you grew up.

Err...no enabling technology existed when I was growing up. Not even a landline in the house. 😛

But at least we had weddings that didn't cost a year's salary and stag/hen nights that didn't last for a whole weekend or longer.

John_Gray

Perhaps put as much effort into staying married as you appear to be doing into getting married?

TBagpuss

Pollycat said:

Whatever happened to getting married at a local church or Register office and having your reception at a nearby location without requirement for an overnight stay?

People move about. People may also be older when they get married, so the chances that they, or some of their friends and family, or both, will have moved around and no longer all be living where they grew up.

One of my siblings got married recently. They got married at the registry office half a mile from their home, and the reception was in the village hall about 10 minutes drive from their home.
I live a fur hour drive away. My other siblings are scattered around the country. My new in-law has a sibling who lives overseas. 

And it isn't e new phenomenon. My parents got married in 1969. One grew up in Devon, the other in Lincolnshire. They both worked in Cambridgeshire. Whichever 'local' place they picked would mean that the majority of guests would have to travel.